Crown-less Kings

I wish I could go back and save you

"I was scared it would happen again. I can't let it happen again."

"What? What happened?" My heart was pounding and my stomach felt sick.

Rey just shakes his head, still looking at me, his eyes glassy with tears of his own. And then he get's up, strides over and sit against his door next to me, our shoulders brushing against each other.

"Freshman year I had a girlfriend. My first real girlfriend. Her name was Keegan, she was a junior. I think that's why I stayed with her longer than I really wanted to. Everyone loved that I managed to snag a girl two grades older than me. She was fine, I guess. Pretty and tall, my mid-puberty mind couldn't comprehend why she would date me. I was shell shocked and loved the attention. 

She kind of overtook my life. I spent so much time with her and her friends. My own friends didn't mind so much because she was popular and could get us in with the cool kids. She was constantly taking me to parties and trying to get me drunk. I didn't let her most of the time. Becuase I knew why. She wanted to have sex and I didn't. It was simple," He shrugs sadly and I can't let myself wonder where this story is going.

"She was constantly trying to. But, frankly, I was scared. I was a virgin. I always stopped her, which didn't please her or anything. After a few months, I guess she got fed up. It was after school, I was practicing my cello for a concert that was happening the next day. I was a nerd, what can I say,"I laughed weakly with him, "They're soundproof, so I couldn't hear anything outside. Next thing I know the door was opening and Keegan came in. She shut the door and turned to me."

His voice cracks and his body began to tremble next to me. I take his shaky hand in my own and he nods slowly, continuing his story.

"I put down my cello and asked what she was doing. She was never a fan of my music playing, and she should have gone home by then. She, uh, didn't say anything. Her face was blank as she grabbed my wrist. I was shocked when she pushed me down. She'd never been violent. I kept asking her what she was doing. And...and then she started pulling down my pants. 

I tried to fight back at first, but I-I was so shocked and scared all strength left me and she easily overpowered me. She pulled down my pant and then my boxers to my knees. And then she-uh- pull down her own pants and underwear and then I figured out what she was doing. 

I tried to scream, but with her hand over my mouth and the soundproof walls, I doubt anyone heard me. She...uh...she-she forced herself on me."

My eyes widen and mouth opens. I would have never expected this in a million years. Rey was...raped. At school by his girlfriend.

His body is still shaking, his eyes focused straight ahead, not staring at anything imparticular. I can see his lip trembling slightly.

"H-her uh, friend walked in. Well, he was my friend too, I guess. He was going to give me a ride home since he was a senior and had a car and everything. And then he...walked in and saw what she was doing. He saw her hands around my wrist and over my mouth. I guess it wasn't hard to figure out what happened. He tore her off me. She was shocked. I was shocked.

I felt...frozen. The minute I figured out what she was going to do everything in my body stopped. I can't remember what happened next, but I was at the hospital and was getting questioned by the police. But, I couldn't talk. It's like she took my vocal cords with my virginity. 

Anway, she got sent to the juvie for a long amount of time a few cities over. No one spoke a word, her parents moved and told everyone her father got a new job. The only people who knew was my family, her family, Jared and the police. No one else found out."

Everything in my body hurts. I don't know what to do. I've never experienced anything like this before. How do you comfort someone?

"I'm so sorry."

Rey nods lightly, "I kind of cut myself off from everyone. Never alone in a room with someone else. So I locked myself in my room for months. People would try to comfort me and hug me, but it was a trigger, you know? I didn't touch anyone for a full year. I stopped talking to all my friends, barely talked to my family. 

And then I decided I couldn't let Keegan win. So I got up, went outside and begged Slumped to hire me. I hooked up with girls at the club to get over the memories attached with sex. I saw a therapist and took antidepressants. I was able to fix a few things, but I couldn't go back to the way I was. I figured if no one got close to me like Keegan did, I would be safe. 

The day I slammed the door in your face, I had gotten a call from Jared. He wanted to know how I was doing. And he brought up Keegan. It's why I cranky. But after that, I really met you and could see the difference between you and Keegan. I didn't like how I liked you for a long time, but then you kissed me and I could help myself. It felt...diffrent. So much safer and real than it ever was with Keegan. So I threw all caution to the wind and told you I liked you."

My breath catches in my throat, it feels like someone is squeezing my heart, waiting for it to explode. Everything swirls in my head, things making sense, new questions. 

"It's all my fault," I barely even notice the words leaving my mouth. 

Rey's head snaps towards mine, when I lift my head and look at him our faces are almost touching.

"No. No, Barkley, the whole point of that story is so you know it isn't your fault. At all. It's mine. I never told you anything, you were left hanging in the air."

I shake my head, "I shouldn't have blamed you. I shouldn't have pushed you. I should have let you take your time, and work out everything-"

"No," His hand grabs my shoulder, our eyes locked inches apart, "No. I like you. So much, Barkley. I should have known better than to just leave you questioning things. I should have told you, I should have trusted you. I know i can trust you."

I can't help but laugh, "You're taking the words right out of my mouth. I was so caught up in myself I couldn't trust someone as hot and amazing as you to like me."

"Which is astonishing. Because I know you deserve someone ten times better than me to like you."

"But i got you," We both smile.

"You got me," I love seeing his smile up close, "I hope its enough."

"More than enough," Silence covers us, i can't look away from his dark eyes, "But..."

"But..." His breath fans on his face.

"We need to figure out what to do now. I understand it's hard for you to...get close to someone. But i can't keep going in a relationship like this. So what do we do?"

Rey closes his eyes and sighs, "Yeah. I trust you. I need to trust myself. You're not Keegan, and never will be. I have to get past her and not let her keep controlling my life."

I don't know what to say, so I nod.

"But I like this, Barkley, more than I want to I think. It may take me some time, but I don't want to give up on us."

"I don't either."

Rey smiles lightly, "So we try again. I don't push you away-"

"And I let you work things out on your own time," I finish for him.

The silence blankets over us. I don't know if we're in the place to be intimate, so i rest my head on his shoulder, and he lays his on top of mine.

And that's how we stay for a long time.