Someone Like Me

Chapter 19

Everything started to go downhill after that night at Mason's.

Or as Hailee liked to refer to it: 'the night that I cashed in my v-card on a non-return, non-refundable basis'.

Mason started avoiding me at school, every time I approached him, he would walk the other way. All my calls went straight to voice mail and my countless texts went unanswered. Over many sleepless nights, I racked my brain, trying to think of something I could have done wrong. But no matter how much I tried, my mind still came up with a blank.

I had given him exactly what he wanted, despite my initial resistance. And yet he still acted as though I had done something to displease him.

That night changed everything for me. I had given him something that meant the world to me, something I could never get back, and I don't just mean my virginity. I'd been in love with Mason for as long as I could remember, but it was the first time I had actually said it out loud to him.

And he didn't say it back.

After what happened at his house, I felt more tethered to him than ever, as if he was the only thing that was holding me in place. And should he let me go, I would fade away. In my mind, we had formed an unbreakable bond, one that would last forever.

As the days went on, my attempts to contact him became more and more frantic. The only times I would really see him would be at lunch in the cafeteria, where he would give me a very half-hearted 'hello', before turning to talk to someone else at the table.

I felt like I was going crazy, hadn't that night meant as much to him as it did to me? Was it not a sign that we were taking our relationship to the next level? Didn't it mean that we should be drawing together, and not drifting apart?

After a couple of weeks of him acting like this, I was beginning to feel desperate. I would have done anything to get him to talk to me.

And then one day, I heard the roar of his car coming up my road, a sound that I would know anywhere, having been in that truck so many times during the course of our relationship. I jumped up from the couch, where I had been watching a movie, and ran outside, almost crying with relief at the sight of him getting out of his car.

And then I caught the look on his face and I wanted to cry for a different reason. It was a mixture of resignation and sorrow. I knew straight away, that he hadn't come to apologise for shutting me out.

He stood far off from me, keeping his distance, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. "Hey Di," he muttered sheepishly.

I resisted the urge to run over to him and collapse into his arms, trying to convince myself that it would make me look even more pathetic. I stood my ground, my feet rooted to the wood of our porch. "Hey."

"We need to talk."

I knew what was coming but I couldn't help myself, I wanted to pretend that it wasn't happening. I wanted to believe that we could fix this, whatever this was. "I've been trying to talk to you for ages."

He just shrugged as if that didn't matter, as if he wasn't breaking my heart into pieces. His nonchalance scared me more than anything. "Look there's no easy way to say this, but this isn't working anymore."

Yes, I knew it was coming, but that didn't make it any less painful.

I felt my whole world crash around me, fragments falling around as I tried to regain my bearings. My heart thudded so loud, I could hear it pounding in my ears. My hands started to shake so much I had to clasp them together, almost as though I was praying for him to take the words back.

"Why?" I somehow managed to whisper through the ache that was filling my entire being. The tears were already starting to fall, an endless river that streaked down my cheeks.

"Di, come on," he seemed impatient as if he hadn't expected me to question him. Like he wanted me to just roll over and accept the fact that he was breaking up with me. "Did you really expect this to last? I mean, look at me and-," he stopped short, not finishing his sentence.

But I didn't need him to. I could read between the lines.

"Mason, please," I begged, trying to convince myself that I could make him change his mind. But even then, I knew it was too late. "I love you."

I don't know why I thought admitting that to him would change anything. But a part of me believed that maybe he hadn't heard me the first time I had said it. Maybe he didn't realise how much I cared.

"Di, be real," he brushed off my confession like it was nothing. "We're from two different worlds. I have to date someone who is more my type."

Meaning; I wasn't good enough for him. I had never been good enough for him.

"Please Mason. I can change," I hated the desperation in my voice. But that's exactly what I was. Desperate. I didn't want to lose him. I couldn't lose him. I loved him with all my heart.

"Don't be so clingy Di." His voice had turned nasty and it seemed like cruel Mason had come out to play. He was clearly tired of my antics, sick of me begging him not leave me. "We both knew this was coming eventually. I'm going to Northbridge next year anyway."

But I hadn't. I really hadn't. I had honestly believed that we were meant to be together. I would have followed him there if that's what it took. Up until he started behaving strangely, everything had been perfect.

I wanted to rewind back to that night at his house, and take back sleeping with him. As if that would have changed anything, I would have lost him either way. I wanted to throw myself at his feet and beg him stay with me. I wanted to tell him that it didn't matter if he didn't love me. I could love him enough for both of us.

I would have done anything, literally anything, to get him to change his mind, to take back the words that he had said.

But I knew, no matter what I did, or said, he had made his decision. It was really over. And that's when I really started sobbing; my nose running, my face scrunched up, and tears continuing to fall down my cheeks. I must have looked a real mess.

And I remember thinking; it's no wonder that he broke up with me.

With one final look of disgust at my snivelling and weeping form, Mason walked away from me and got into his car. The roar of his engine drowned out the sound of my heart shattering into a million tiny pieces.

I stayed like that for a long time, letting my pain bleed out onto the wooden floor of the porch. It was hours before my mum came home from work and found me there, ushering me inside and comforting me.

And the worst part of it all; was that I didn't hate him for his harsh words or cold manner. I still loved him with every inch of my broken heart.

And I knew, even then, that I always would.