mirrors • • Han Jisung • • Felix

1-Begining to never end

"Han Jisung get ahold of yourself!!" changbin cried into his shoulder. He almost forgot how he got into this situation. It's not everyday. Or any day at all you'll see changbin holding Jisung in his arms. Or even physically touching him. He sat on the cold hard ground. He was in the bathroom. His arm felt numb. The bath was still running. His phone was broken. Smashed on the floor. He knew he must've hulked it at a wall or somethingBut he doesnt remember it.

Where did this all come from, when did it all begin?
——

It started off as teasing. Just Some jokes and small things. Then it turned into daily occurrence. All the time. It's like they forgot he had a heart. That he always took into account every word they said. It's like they stopped caring about them. "Happy birthday Jisung!" His mother rang him in the morning. He smiled.
"Thanks ma" they talked a bit more and then he finished the call to get ready for practice.
He walked into the kitchen.
"Morning Hyung~" he greeted cheerfully.
Chan just hummed, acknowledgement to his presence. He chuckled before getting breakfast. He sighed a little when he never got that "happy birthday". But hey, maybe later.

But later did not happen. Practice. Break. Practice. Still nothing. He brushed it off. Better to not say anything. He went to bed that night a little sadder than before. It got worse.

They made it open to him about their opinions and teasing.
"Nooo I don't wanna room with Jisung!" Changbin whined as he opened the door.
But was happy to see his other dongseng there. Jisung felt the pang shoot through his heart. The 10th that day. He faked a smile and faked a laugh. Pretend not to care and maybe they'll stop? No.

He heard their whispers when they thought he was asleep.
"Hyung, I don't think I like Jisung?" He heard a voice.
He didn't want to think of who it was. "Mmmm, ok, it's alright thats fine. He's annoying right? You'll get used to it" another voice answered.
He felt water run down the side of his face. Maybe it's just a dream. Only if.

"Hey Jisung looks like a squirrel haha" jeongin announced as they were watching tv.
Suddenly all eyes were on him.
"Yeh-"
"HAHAHA OH GOD JISUNG YOU DO!" He sunk into the couch.
He felt a pair of eyes, eyeing him wearily.
He ignored it. Must've been his stomach. He looked down at his plate. He had taken a bite or two. That was enough right? He took his plate up. Only to comeback and take everybody else's. not getting a single thank you. It was fine wasn't it. They were just teasing.
"Uh So guys it's my birthday, i was wondering if-"
"SHHHH I can't hear what he's saying" hyungjin pointed to the tvs main male actor.
"Well done Jisung! We missed it" he apologised repeatedly.
He ended up in his room and on his bed. Sighing. Why did he always ruin everything.

To say the next day was a parade was an understatement. Everybody woke up to sing Felix happy birthday, gave him a breakfast in bed, present wrappers littered the rooms. Balloons. He had smiled. For Felix.

The neglection reaches around everyone. And soon enough he blamed himself for it.
"It's because your terrible you must practice more" he heard his brain call. He looked at himself in the mirror of the dance practice room.
At 3 in the morning. His members were asleep. He danced for another hour. Falling asleep in the cold room, on the couch. He woke up to a pillow in the face.
"Get up loser" Minho laughed and the rest of the members piled in.
"Ah goodmorning" he yawned.
"Tired, too bad let's get to practice" they laughed again after teasing the other.
Teasing
Just teasing
It's fine
He felt the non existent tears rundown his cheeks. As if they were there. A cold shiver went through his body. Suddenly he blinked. But when he opened them. Everything was darker. Black and grey. Not white. It's not light enough to be white. He was confused. But too tired to be scared. So the only thing he could do was face this fate. His once happy(fake) smile was never seen.
"Oi Jisung you got the last part wrong? Do it again" he looked over to chan with barely any familiarity in his eyes.
"Sure" he answered mechanically. He got it right.
The others in the room were slightly confused but Carried on anyways. 'Not like they care how you feel anyways' "wanna grab a pizza?" Felix shouted. Everybody cheered and ran out. His last hope. He brightened and turned around but...they were gone. Yeah he's too chubby anyway. Probably shouldn't eat dinner. He looked to the mirror. 'Look at all the things that are wrong with you' his reflection mocked him. He jumped back. He hardly slept lately so maybe he was um...seeing things? He blinked as he went closer to the mirror.
"Who are you?"
"You" it answered.
It wasn't copying his movements again as he brought his hand up. The reflection had his hands by his sides. He weird smile that wasn't a happy one graced his lips. Just as his fingertips touched the mirror he heard and saw his reflections lips move.
"Fall" it whispered.
Suddenly everything was fished away. All the colour was gone and it was him in a completely grey room. He blinked. He saw this earlier. He thought he was delusional.
"What's going on?! What's happe-" "calm down you ugly rat! Or should I say squirrel." It mocked at him making him blush.
He had seen it. Though he wasn't sure why he was flustered. Because. It was kinda himself.
"I'm bored entertain me" his reflection spoke.
He looked up to it. He must've been going crazy. He knew he lost it when it ran away from him. He looked back and his reflection was gone. Was this normal? Hopefully. His shadow started to move around him. Revolving from his feet.
"I know what we should do" it whispered in a voice nothing like his own. He blinked. Confused.
"What?" Now it must be a dream.
His reflection was on the mirrored couch. Eating something.
"You see as I'm eating I'm getting bigger, so you might as well practice and loose some weight" original Jisung nodded.
"Your right, thank you guys, your actually really good help" Jisung thanked them and they disappeared. Though his "reflection" still spoke in his head.
"First conversation you've had in a while?" Jisung nodded. Looking at his reflection which was back to normal. "Ha..I can tell" which struck a insecure chord in him. He quickly started dancing.