mirrors • • Han Jisung • • Felix

7

"What the heck?" Was heard and light filled the boys vision.

Jisung blinked. He looked around. It was colourful. That was a first. Felix was asleep at his side. He blushed as he felt changbin also at his other. Although the elder was waking up. He then looked to the door to find Minho.
"What?" Changbin grumbled.
Making Jisung hold back a fond smile. Was that real. Did he really wanna be friends. Was he just teasing....
"What on earth are you doing with the squirrel" Minho scoffed.
Jisungs smile faded fast, gone as if it was never there. Changbin groaned. "Yes, our squirrel, the cutest squirrel in the world, now get out" Minho was gobsmacked and jisung was a deep shade of red.
"Changbin?" Minho looked at the three confused.
Felix woke up and looked at his Hyung.
"Minho? What are you doing here?" He yawned.
"What are YOU doing?!" He emphasised the 'you' looking at the said boy.
Felix turned and found a blushing Jisung and a groggy also slightly pissed looking changbin.
"I was having quality time with my mates" he pulled Jisung who was the only one sat up, back down into their warmth.
Jisung would've refused the welcoming hugs if he wasn't so high on them. He hadn't had this much love since last saw his mum.
"Get out Minho, if you don't mind?" Felix stated rudely.
Jisung gulped. What was happening?

Minho closed the door, obviously very confused. But Jisung was getting intoxicated on the two warm bodies next to him. He closed his eyes.

When he opened them he was somewhere else.
"What?" He looked around.
Nothing. He was in a Black abyss. But he saw something at the corner of his eyes.
"Jisung.."
He was faced with the mirror. A very specific mirror. The bathroom mirror.
"Where have you been?" He called himself.
The other him.
"You're..not right" he mumbled.
"I'm what?!" It yelled, seemingly furious.
"Your bad for me, I have people who love me now!" he yelled back.
"Do you though ..?" it replied.
Jisung nodded. Felix and changbin loved him.
"Jisung...you trust too easily... it's practically been a day since they showed you any kindness" Han replied.
Mirror Han stared him down.
"More than you have" he quipped.
"I am you" the words echoed to his core.
It was true. It was all him. All the cutting was him, all of the coverstations was him. All the things he trusted was the dark cold part of his brain...he couldn't be fixed. No matter how much he was loved. After all that shit....he could never be fixed. He felt disgusting.
"Oh no, Felix and changbin's hard work will be wasted" the other him spoke said in a mocking tone.
Jisung fumed.
"Shut up!" He clenched his jaw tightly.
It laughed at him. He could see water running down his fake reflections face. He touched his own. Tears.

He was too numb.

"You can't trust anybody! you can't even trust yourself, how are you supposed to love if you can't even love yourself" it said.
He tried to think of a comeback. Of an..excuse.
"You can surely love them, but maybe you should cut them some slack. They shouldn't have to take care of a grown man" he gulped.
Was this him. Really him. His reflection. It must've been. There was no way it was anyone else.
"No one can love you" it spoke into his ear after pulling itself out of the mirror, gripping Jisungs collar. Pulling him forward. "You can't be saved, we can't be saved. Were monsters. Ugly stupid pitiful weak useless-" "SHUT UP!" He punched the mirror. It shattered.

He shot up. Breathing heavily. He scrambled out of bed, tears running down his face and his chest, heaving with every breath he took. His eyes darted to his phone. 2:46 am? No one would notice..right? He ran to the bathroom, closing the door quickly behind him. Not noticing that he had woken changbin up. It was night time.

He looked at his reflection. As if waiting a response. the only thing he saw was the slight glitch of a smirk every few seconds. A whisper of
"Pathetic" was hit into him. He growled, anger taking over him, an dobviously his hands because his phone was thrown and the mirror shattered. The reflection was now his own again. He didn't know if he should be grateful or worried. He felt sick. He felt himself panic. Himself caving in. He only knew one thing. He didn't know anything else this was it.

He was shaking. Eyes trembling as hard as his fingers were, trying to quietly but quickly open the cupboard. He found his stash of razors. He sighed in relief as he pulled them out. They dropped and he too fell to the the floor, scrambling to pick one up. Cutting a bit of his finger. Just as if it were a paper cut. He breathed for a moment. Taking in his air. Before placing the sharp blade against his honey skin. Dragging it slower. More painful. It made him remember to be human. To feel. The pain. Real pain.

He felt the blood drip down his and and to his black pants. He cut again. Again and again and again and again. Breathing not so steadily.

He looked at his phone that had been thrown unknowingly. It was smashed. The mirror was smashed. He felt the blood trickle. Wash. He turned the bath on. Checking his dropped phone. "2 calls from..mum" his mum? He felt anger bubble inside of him again. Sadly, the pone was thrown yet again.

When the bath was about to overflow, he stepped in. The feeling of water pooling out of the bath as Jisungs body slowly dipped into the bath. He was about to relax and place his arms in. But..his heart stopped. He stopped breathing. Time stopped. Everything just..stopped. He felt a migraine coming on. He felt his heartbeat quicken. Faster than ever before. He was sure it was so loud everyone in the house could hear it.
Just one word
The he knew he was in deep shit
Just one word

"Jisung?"

———

I'm gonna see stray kids in Melbourne don't even tOUCH ME HOLY SHIT-

sorry for this crap ass chapter (and the mistakes) ooof