mirrors • • Han Jisung • • Felix

8

He looked up. All noise gone

"What are you-" he was yanked out of the bath and ripped onto the floor. "WHAT THE FUCK JISUNG!!??" Changbin yelled.
Jisung blinked. His air coming back. He finally came back to life.
"I-I..." he couldn't explain his shit in time because changbin was soon pulling him to his chest.
Jisung's arm still bleeding. Changbin was crying. Jisung didn't know what to do. Changbin found out his secret. Now everyone will know. Now everyone will forever hate him. Everyone's gonna hate him so bad, gonna call him weak because he didn't even finish what he started. Gonna kick him out. Shit.
He cried again. Tears that've already been shed somehow re-staining his hollow....empty cheeks.

Changbin drained the bath. "Why didnt you say anything Jisung?" Changbin asked sadly.
He had yet to tend to the youngest arm.
"Would you? If you were me?" Is all that was replied.
Changbin was taken back. Would he? He didn't know. He'd never been that...

He found the bandages and ointment, turning to Jisung, he held back tears. The others eyes were lost. His face pale and sickly. A mouth which looked as if a smile had never graced its day. He pulled at Jisung's arm, yanking the sleeve up and gasping. "Jisung!" He yelped.
It had billions of cuts lining the arm. Not just a few at the wrist. He glared at Jisung.
"Why would you do such a thing?" He spat.
Jisung whimpered. He then realised this isn't the way to approach it.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm just angry that such a beautiful thing is so cut up" he kisses Jisungs cuts.
"B-but their ugly stop looking at them" jisung blushed and tried to pull it back.
Changbin held firm.
"You're so beautiful, and so are they, and when Felix sees them, coz he will, he WILL think and say the same, they're proof that you've survived, that despite what you've been through you're still here.."" he announces and Jisungs heart warms immensely before it drops.
He doesn't wanna tell Felix. Felix is the sunshine In his life, he doesn't want the sunshine to dim, frown and/or fade . He doesn't want him to worry.

"But you must stop cutting. If you feel like it just come to us ok, promise me please" tears beaded at the elder rappers eyes.
Jisung held in once again, his own.
"I promise" his promise was empty. Changbin smiled slightly and finished bandaging him up. He pulled the other boy up. Ending up carrying him. "Let's go see Felix" he stated and brought the other back to their room. Felix sat, legs crossed in the bed. Worry and concern painting his features. He brightened when they came into the room. He ran to Jisung.
"What happened what's wrong?!" Jisung was sat down on the bed.
He pulled the covers over his lap as he also sat cross legged, back leaning against the wall. He hugged the pillow.
"Jisung" changbin said strongly. Jisung coward in fear of rejection and hate. Changbin gritted his teeth.
Breath
Okay

"Jisung, please for me and Felix" he said gently after sitting next to the boy.
Jisung's lip trembled. He pulled the sleeve from over his arm, raising to Felix's view. A few moments passed and suddenly the Australians's eyes shot wide, gasping loudly causing jisung to wince. Changbin had of corse taken the bandages off first for the youngest between the three of them to see. He blinked away passing water.
"Jisung, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry if only I helped sooner and you wouldn't of resorted to this it's all my fault" Felix whimpered.
"it's my fault how is it your fault" changbin argued.
"I don't see how it's either of your faults, because I AM the one who resorted to it, i drew the blade and I'm the one that did it" he spat, angry at the others blaming themselves.
"It was all of our faults. The whole team" Felix started.
"How is it their fault?" Jisung asked cluelessly.
Changbin scoffed.
"How isn't it" he said.
Jisung looked between the two before settling with a pout.
"I don't understand how it's their fault or yours. IIIIII did it IIII did it so it's MYYYYY fault" he exclaimed. "You did it, but why?" Changbin asked and mad the other backtrack.
Why?
"Because colours fade" he answered truthfully.
The others looked at him confused and he chuckled bitterly.
"Everything went grey. Not even black and white just grey. On a lucky day it had a dim colour. But every time one of the guys said something to me everything turned gray. Then blurry. And if I wasn't quick enough..... nothing at all. And then a voice in my head. It told me what to do" he spoke.
Recalling it all in a saner sense.
"Yeh, it dragged my hands to the cupboard. The next second I was bleeding. But I could see. I could see colour. And I also didn't feel as bad. But the voice didn't leave. It stayed. It nagged and nagged and told me I was too fat and too weak-" he stopped when he heard a sob.
He turned his almost soulless eyes towards the sound. Felix hugged him tightly. Changbin as well.
"What's wrong?" He asked worried. They mumbled a shut up and he stayed quiet.
They fell asleep like that. Jisung curled up in between both warm hearted boys.

Jisung woke up to his face in a chest. He shifted carefully and found himself in Felix's arms. He smiled happily. Probably the happiest he's felt in a while.
All the while he was curled up to the freckled boy changbin was writing in a book next to him.
After finally noticing the familiar sound of pen on paper, Jisung turned around, tho very gently as to not wake Felix up.
"Hyung?" Jisung yawned, still tired. Changbin quickly faced him in surprise but then melted into a warm smile, all the while reaching to stroke the younger's cheeks.
"Morning.." he greeted.
Jisung giggled and laid his head down on changbins lap. Manoeuvring his whole body to crul around changbins. The elder laughed quietly.
"Morning~"

Everybody loves a happy ending right?
He's going to get a happy ending right?

"Jisung....this isn't right the way it is"
Changbin stroked a hand through the youngers hair.
"No no, it's fine! I'm fine?!" Jisung said exasperated.
Though the last part sounded like a question and changbin decided verbally picking up on it would just irritate the younger further.
"Jisung..." changbin looked through the others eyes and could practically see Jisung's brain gearing to find a way to get himself out of all this.
"I said what I said and that's final" and Jisung huffed our a sigh of complaint before getting dragged into the couch in the main room.
"Movie night!" Jeongin squealed and ran out into the couch, tho completely avoiding Jisung.
"What are we watching?!" An excited seungmin came rushing in and sat down quickly.
Not even noticing he was next to Jisung. When his eyes found Jisung's, he wore an off expression. He got up and moved next to jeogin who had sat on the floor. Changbin could see Jisung holding it in. He was ready to sock the maknaes in the face if it wasn't for Felix who came bounding in with their cokes.
"Aw Hyung no fair where's ours?" Jeongin whined and changbin could barely find when he had suddenly changed from a brat to his everyday dongsaeng.
"Should've told me before." Was all that felix grumbled before snuggling into changbin.
Jisung smiled at the two.
Chan walked through with Woojin by his side and sat down near Jisung.
Chan turned his head to Jisung, who had hope that the elder still had a shred of liking for Jisung in his heart, just to see him whisper something to Woojin, that he'd definitely pick up.
"Can you switch with me don't wanna sit next to Jisung"
Jisung visibly flinched. Changbin, feeling a slightly movement from the squirrel looked to his left and saw chan and Woojin switching spots, he picked up a few words and that was enough to know what just quietly went down. He pulled Jisung closer to him, hearing the uneven breaths.
"You okay?" He asked worriedly.
"Yeh totally?" Was Jisung's auto programmed response.

Hyunjin walked through after hearing seungmin yell for him.
"Where's Minho?" Jeongin questioned.
"Didn't wanna come out" and the two seems to share a silent eye conversation.
And Jisung couldn't help but feel it was about him.
"Oh jisungs here? Probably gonna ruins the whole movie" Hyunjin laughed as he sat down between seungmins legs.
The boys, excluding Felix, changbin and obviously Jisung, snickered.
"Yeh! Why are you out here you know we hate watching movies with you" the maknae laughed out.
Jisung felt the pang.
"Jisung What are you-" Felix was cut off with Jisung bowing apologetically.
"Sorry, I will leave now" and he left.
Only whispering a "I'm fine don't follow" to changbin and Felix who were about to jump after the boy when chan quickly koala gripped onto Felix and changbin in a "hug".
"I haven't been able to have time with you guys in a while" chan sighed in content.

To say the least they were trapped

Jisung sat alone in his room, cold, anxious and scared.
Something was going to happen, he could feel it. Over the past two days he could feel something egging at his chest. That weird ugly feeling you get at the very pit of your stomach.
Shit

Oh how easy it would be to go to sleep and never wake up

———

Majority of the moments in this suckily written fic, are reflections on how i feel, so even tho it's crap don't judge it too harshly its just a bABY

I'm not depressed stfu