Rooming With Elvis

Chapter 16: Elvis

I walk into the hair salon and take in the all too familiar smell of hair products. My hair grows so fast that I'm here once a week.

"Hey Elvis, you here for the regular?" Susie, the receptionist asks me in a flirty voice. She's had a crush on me since the first day I set foot in this place.

"No, not the regular. I don't want it that short. I want just a little trim, but the sides have to be short. Like a fade, I guess."

"Oh yes! I think we can manage that. I'll have you hooked up with the best hair cutter we've got," Susie assures me, but I stop her before she can rush away.

"Susie, cut the act. I know you like me, but, NEWS FLASH, I'm engaged. I will never like you. Ever. So stop. I don't need the best hair cutter you've got. I just want my hair cut. Okay?" I ask, and immediately regret it based off the look on her face.

"Elvis, you think I like you?? No, I DON'T. My best friend who works here does. And she's too shy to talk to you, so I have to do it for her. And you just crushed her dreams, thank you. Now I think you should leave and find a new place to get your hair cut, because no one is doing it here. So buhbye, see ya on the flip side!" Susie snaps then shushes me out of the door and slams it in my face. I hear instant giggles and flip them off, not caring if they see me or not.

I walk out to my car and decide to check the hair salon across the plaza. I walk in, and to my dismay, the place is booked for months in advance. I check three other hair salons and none of them have appointments open for this week. I slam my fists against my car in frustration and accidentally leave a small dent. Man I'm stronger than I realize.

Then I get a brilliant idea. I race home as fast as I can and dash in the house. I snatch a pair of scissors from the kitchen and head to the bathroom. If those lousy girls can cut my hair, then it can't be so hard, can it?

I start with a little trim and it doesn't seem too shabby. So I cut a little more, and a little more. Once I get it to my preferred height, I adjust the top so it's all the same length.

Once I've removed all the extra hair off my clothes and the floor, I look in the mirror. I'm surprised to find I did a pretty good job. I hear Jane enter the house and am ecstatic to show her my handy work.

"Oh Jaaaaaane!" I call.

"Whaaaaaat?" She calls back.

"You have to come see my new and improved haircut!" I tell her all giddy like.

"I told you to never change your haircut unless I'm there- OH MY GOD. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR??!!" Jane screeches. Then she notices the scissors. "DID YOU CUT IT YOURSELF?? WITH KITCHEN SCISSORS??"

"Uh, yeah. I think it looks pretty professional," I boast.

"On no. No. It looks terrible. WHY did you do this? Huh? Answer me!"

"Because I yelled at Susie for flirting with me, and it turns out her friend liked me, not her, so they kicked me out and then I looked at three other places and they didn't have anything open for this week and I thought if those lousy girls can cut hair then so can I," I blab, forgetting to breathe.

"Well, I'm taking you back there, you are going to apologize to Susie and her friend, and they are going to fix your hair. Alright?" Jane tells me.

"Alright," I say back, and I trudge along behind her as we head out to the car to fix my already beautiful hair.

                  ———————————

"Oh my god, WHAT did you do to your hair?!" Susie exclaims as Jane shows her my hair.

"Well, I figured I could cut it myself since y'all make it seem so easy," I explain.

"Honey, we went to college for hair cutting. It's not an easy thing to do. Anyway, since you pulled a stunt like this and gave us a laugh, I guess you can come back here. But, be warned, you mouth off again and it's back to cutting your own hair," Susie warns me, and I heed the advice.

"Yes ma'am!" I shout, and everyone, including Susie, laughs.

"I'm gonna leave you here in the care of these fine ladies. I trust you to behave while I'm not supervising you, okay? Goodbye, I love you," Jane says and pecks me on the cheek. She gives everyone a wave and heads out the door.

"Okay, well, we better fix this mess, so someone take him and fix him up!" Susie shouts, and all the girls rush forward.

They all end up working on my hair, each one fixing another's mistakes. Finally, my hair is pretty close to perfection, and I am sent away.

"Don't I have to pay?" I ask Susie confused.

"For pulling a stunt like that, we'll give you all the free haircuts you want! But not actually. But this one is on the house," she tells me with a wink. "Now go, scram, and we expect to see your face next week sometime!"

As I head out the door, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I whip around, only to meet someone's lips. I jerk away, and am surprised to see Audrey, the loud and obnoxious one.

"Why did you do that??" I shout.

"Because I thought you'd like it!" She yells back, equally as loud.

"That was not okay. I have a fiancé, and you know that. But, I'm willing to forget it if you are," I finish, not wanting to be banned again.

"No! I can't forget a kiss like that!" Audrey exclaims, and I feel like slapping her.

"It wasn't even a real kiss! You forced it upon me! If you're not willing to forget it, then I'll just have to find another place to get my hair cut. Anyone can do it, right?" I mock, and turn away and angrily stomp to my car, not waiting for an answer. I know I can't keep this from Jane, so I decide to tell her.

I arrive home and hop out of my car. I see Jane sitting on the steps with a red blotchy face. I rush over to her and instantly wrap her in my arms.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I fret.

"Little Jane is in the hospital with a severe fever. Over 100 degrees. They tested her for any diseases or cancers, but they all came back negative. The doctors are stumped. She's not doing well at all. They brought down her fever a little bit, but not much. She's around 100 degrees give or take. Elvis, I don't know what to do!" Jane exclaims, and bursts into tears.
"I want to go, really I do. But she can't see me like this, and there's no way I'll be able to keep it together long enough to see her. She needs someone strong, someone who will show her she's stronger than she thinks. That's why I thought Mama would be the perfect candidate."

"What?! Mama?! I thought you hated her!" I exclaim, not being able to keep it in.

"I don't hate her, but I think it was wrong what she did. But Little Jane needs her more now than ever. So I say we drive to your place and retrieve her to help Little Jane. What do you say?" She asks me, and I'm astonished at the lengths she would go to save Little Jane.

"Okay, I'm in, but there's one thing," I warn her.

"What is it?" She asks me, clearly worried.

"Just forgive her, and make sure you hug her back or she might break your arms in her bear hug," I say, and we both laugh.

"Alright. Let's go and save Little Jane!" She shouts, and we stand up and race to the car. I obviously let her win, so she gets to drive.

"Memphis here we come!" She shouts, and flies out of the driveway, racing down the road. This is going to be one hell of an experience.