nothing

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Joanne's POV

"Joanne baby I'm home" I hear my mom yell from downstairs. I've been sitting in my bathtub crying for two hours. I feel so disgusting. And I just wish I could clean it off, but I can't. It's been two days since that day and I haven't went outside. I told my mom I just wasn't feeling well. I hear footsteps coming closer to my room.
"Where are you?" I hear her ask from my room.
"in the bathroom" I say back, I don't have a lot of energy so I basically whisper it. I haven't been sleeping. I didn't dare to sleep in my mom's bed, what if I accidentally said something or she saw my bruises. No couldn't risk it.
"Are you still in the tub? I left two hours ago"I can hear the suspicion in her voice.
"Yeah, I just felt really relaxed" I lie.
"Hm okay well I think you should get out now."
"okay but only if you leave so I can get dressed"
"Okay? I've seen you naked before, I'm your mom. And you don't have to hide your scars I already know."
"Mom please I'm a teenager I just don't like changing in front of my mom" I say, actually just lying. I don't have a problem showing her my body naked, but obviously she can't see my bruises.
"okay, well get downstairs when you're done." she says and I hear her walking down again. Oh thank god. I quickly get up but before I go to get dressed I look at my wrists. My new cuts. I told my mom I would come to her when I feel like hurting myself, but I really can't do that right now. I go to my wardrobe and pick a turtleneck and some pants. Oscar luckily didn't hurt my face, maybe it was a tactic move. I look at myself in the mirror and I feel disgusted by myself. I put my hair in a messy bun and walk downstairs. My mom is sitting in the couch with her computer. She notices i'm here and closes her computer.
"Jojo come here" She says and I walk over to her and sits down besides her.
"Baby what's wrong?" She asks her hand is on my thigh, I tense of the touch. The memories just comes back.
"nothing" I say taking a deep breath looking into her eyes and smiles. A fake one of course.
"nothing huh? so you and Oscar are okay? and you're just okay in your room, taking 2hour baths?" she says nearly making me burst into tears and tell her everything but I can't.
"Yeah, nothing. Everything is as normal as before. I've just felt sick, and you know I already wasn't feeling totally okay with the nightmares and stuff" I say, and she looks like she may believe me. But even if she don't, she doesn't wanna argue.
"Okay then, but why don't you sleep with me. I don't want you to be alone with these nightmares." she says, looking at me with a kind of hurtful face that makes my heart break.
"I was just lazy and didn't feel like walking over to your room" I lie. She smiles and laughs a little and so do I
"Okay, so when will I see Oscar again?" she asks and that makes me freeze.
"Uhm I don't know, but I'm going to meet him today" I say, and she smiles.
"I'm happy for you two" she says kissing my head and walk away. But stops.
"Don't forget to text me when you leave and everything, I'm going to the pool. I love you" she says and continue walking out.
"I love you too" I shout after her. Fuck why did I say I was going to meet him today. But if I don't wanna tell anyone I'll just keep up with this lie for a while. I decide I'm gonna call Oscar. He answers rather quickly.
"Hey" he says, he sounds sweet again.
"Hi, you wanna do something"
"Yeah sure, I'll pick you up" He says and hangs up, maybe this won't be hard. Maybe he won't hurt me again. Oh boy was I wrong.

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liked by oscarbimes, ladygaga and 876 675 others

joannekg:our relationship is like one of my mom's songs, but I won't tell you which one

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