Battle of the Killers

Commercial Ad: Urinal Tea

**TAKE 32**

"We interrupt the Battle of the Killers programming to bring you an ad from one of our sponsors, Urinal Tea."

Jookie materialized on the screen, lounging on a crimson suede loveseat near a crackling fire. An oversized ugly sweater draped his torso, tight khaki pants covering his legs. In his hand, he held a large mug of hot liquid, soft ripples of steam hovering over the top.

"Greetings, everyone." Jookie grinned at the two cameras in front of him, holding the mug to his lips. "I'm just sitting here enjoying a cup of delicious Urinal Tea." He gulped down a small portion, licking his lips. "Mmmmm Urinal Tea — taste so good you'll never want to pee."

Getting up from the loveseat, Jookie paced the room while keeping a bright smile on his face. "But don't just take my word for it, let's ask a complete stranger."

Snapping his fingers, a tall girl with long brown hair stumbled into the room with two huge guards behind her, guns wrapped in their fists. Her dark eyes looked at Jookie, her body trembling in place.

An eerie grin formed on his mouth as he walked over, mug swinging in his hand. "Hello, girlie. How are you?"

The frightened girl started to sob and tried backtracking out of the room, but the two guards shoved her forward. "Please. Just l-let m-m-me go," she said, fingers wiping at her freckled cheeks. "I j-just w-want to-to go h-h-home."

Jookie pouted, lip quivering. "Ahh, do you know what will make you feel better?"

She sniffled. "W-what?"

"A cup of yummy Urinal Tea!" he screeched, swinging the cup at her face, liquid flying all over her.

Her voice yelped, hands wiping her face as her body crashed into a nearby wall. It took her several minutes to compose herself. Vibrant redness colored her eyes and cheeks.

Jookie smiled, holding the half-filled mug in mid-air. "Ready for that tea now?"

"Leave me alone," she yelled, causing everyone to cringe for a second. She took advantage of that slight distraction and bolted for the door, tears streaming down her face.

One guard tried to grab her, but she slipped out of his hold and slapped him in the face. He ended up tripping backward, falling into the other guard. They both dropped like hit rolling pins.

The girl almost made it out the door, but Jookie snatched her back by her loose blouse. And that's when the girl began to fight and scratch, thrashing around like a caught wild animal.

Jookie sighed, tossing the flailing girl to the floor. "Do I really have to do your fucking jobs?" he snapped to the guards who were still struggling to get to their feet.

When the girl tried to get off the floor, Jookie kicked off the cover to the fireplace and smashed her face into the scalding fire. The fiery sparks ate at her skin as she squealed in a high-pitched tone, fire deteriorating her hair and eyelashes.

It took only moments before she stopped making any noise and all everyone heard was the sizzling fire and the smoke of human flesh and hair. Jookie coughed, wiping his hands on his pants before stepping away from the fireplace.

"Cut," Jookie said, smacking his hands together. "This take is just trash. The guards are still incompetent, like how hard is it to just grab the girl before she runs, huh? And don't get me started on that stupid ass tagline. 'Taste so good you'll never want to pee? What the fuck does that mean? Everyone fucking pees. I gotta take a piss right now."