Why...? (A Karkat Vantas Sadstuck)

Chapter 10

===> be the troll with the red tears streaming down his face.

FUCK. I JUST HAD TO FORGET TO LOCK THE DOOR. FUCK, FUCK, A THOUSAND TIMES, FUCK.

It was selfish of me to do this now. I should've done it later where I wouldn't have gotten caught by anybody.

Dave took off his shades. seeing his human tear filled eyes that sparkled like rubies, full of hurt, somehow made my blood pumper break even more. pulled me in to his arms and held me tightly. Normally I'd attempt to break free, but instead I sobbed into his chest. My arms, and if I weren't even controlling them, eventually found their way to his waist, seeking as much contact as possible to another being... I don't know why but... Their concern and their hugs were almost making me feel better.

*ALMOST.*

But my world had still collapsed.

At this point gamzee had joined us for a group hug (more like a clusterfuck of sobbing people). I had been crying so much, it was now difficult to even breathe. Eventually, Dave's bawling had calmed enough for him to speak, and pull only his head off of my shoulder so that he could look at me as he spoke.

"Karkat. Seriously, dude. Why...?"

He said, his voice cracking on the last word.

Gamzee pulled away from the hug to listen, and to calm himself down.

Gasping to catch my breath, I spoke.

"Be-because I-... I-"

I felt myself about to break again

"Fuck!"

I began to sob again.

"I just... I didn't want to be here anymore! I wanted to go so badly... There were so many reasons to! I don't deserve to be loved by anybody because I'm always pushing them away, and I'm always a dick to everyone for no reason whatsoever, and.... I couldn't stand myself anymore." I said between deep breaths.

"I know it was selfish of my to do this now, I should've done it late-"

I was cut off by Dave.

"No. You listen the fuck here. You should NOT have done this later. You really shouldn't have done this at all. But I'm glad we walked in on you to find out that all of this shit was going on.

Karkat. People care about you. People love you. You'd be surprised."

He said, his voice cracking and shaky from crying.

At this point, Dave turned his head to look at gamzee, who was looking at us, nodding, tears still pouring down his face. I could tell Dave was speaking from his own thoughts, and also for Gamzee's. When he's upset, he has a hard time communicating.

"W-why?" I asked as I buried my wet face into Dave's chest, as if by reflex.

"Let me tell you something, Vantas. You think all this negative shit about yourself, but let me tell you that it isnt true. Like at all.

Everyone else sees you as a troll who's kind of crabby, but deep down you're actually sensitive and caring. You're a great friend to everyone and shit, and a lot of people and trolls or whatever like your company. You have personality. You're not a normal troll, well, none of you really are I guess, but that's a good thing. You're unique in all of the best ways.

You have purpose.

We need you here."

On the last sentence, Dave let out a noise, almost a whimper, and hugged me again.

"He's all kinds of motherfucking right, best friend." Gamzee managed to choke out.

"Please best friend... Don't ever do anything like this again. You're a miracle, and like this motherfucker said, we need you."

"I'm sorry you guys... Thank you so fucking much." Was all I could say. I was really at a loss for words. I've never felt so loved and important in all of my sweeps.