Treacherous//book 1

27

I wake up feeling half empty inside. Although scandalous, my affair with Stefan makes me feel alive and gives me a feeling of recognition. He still won't give up exactly how we knew each other in California, but I have a feeling we were more than friends. But I have to let him go. I have to let what we have right now go. He means a lot more to Elena than he does to me and Elena means a lot more to him as well. I can never be with a person who picks me as their second choice and who wants someone more than they want me. that's why I could also never be with Damon. And to top it all off, my sister loves him more than she loves her own life so I could never do that to her.

As always, no one is in the house and so I am left with me and the thing inside of me. A smile grows on my face and I reach for the phone. I dial up a number and happily facetime. He answers with a big goofy smirk on his face. 

"Hey sis, what's up?" he says. I can see the palm tree in back of him. 

"I miss you so much Jer". He smiles even wider. 

"I miss you more. You and Elena really need to come and visit". 

I want to jump through the screen and give my younger brother a hug. 

"We will. Really soon. Maybe for Christmas or something". He nods. 

"Okay. Well, Tess and I are about to head to the pool with some of your buddies. I'll tell everyone you said hi". 

I blow Jeremy a kiss and we hang up.

I sigh and go through some pictures I have of Jeremy and I. No words can describe how much I miss my brother and the number of times I almost bought a ticket to go spend the weekend with him. He is literally my whole world and I wish I could split my attention between him and Elena. But my sister needs me more right now. Jeremy is happy and living his best life. He doesn't have to worry about Original vampires wanting to drain him for all the blood he's got. As soon as Esther goes through with her plan, Elena and I can both be at peace and live a happy, normal and long human life.

Elena will go away to college. She and Stefan will get married and adopt some kids. I will move back and raise my kid in California. I can buy a house over there and get a criminology job out there. Jeremy can finish his last year of high school in a big house with Tess, the baby, and I. And oh my shit I want to keep this thing growing inside of me. Not only do I want to keep it, but now I can. I don't have to worry about crazy hybrids going after my sister to drain her of blood. I can get out of Mystic Falls once and for all. We all can.

Maybe Matt would want to live with me in California since nothing in Mystic Falls is holding him back. He has no family and all of his friends will be going to college. It's perfect. He doesn't have to be alone over here in Virginia. I could put him through college and everything could be rainbows and butterflies.

I walk out the front door with my keys and hop in the car. I drive all the way to the Salvatore boarding house and before I can even knock on the door, Damon is there with his shirt ripped open from last nights event. 

"What happened to you?" I question. Damon raises an eyebrow and then frowns. 

"Oh, you know. Got into a fight with the wall. She was feisty". 

I just shrug and ignore him. Damon isn't the reason I'm here. 

"Is Stefan home?" I ask. Damon nods. 

"My brother has no life. I on the other hand do so if you'll excuse me a stool and some alcohol is waiting for me at the Grill". 

He walks out of the door and hops into his car, speeding out of the driveway. I shake my head and continue walking into the house. 

Before I can even call Stefan's name, he appears at the steps, shirtless and only in sweats. My breath hitches and I almost throw myself at him until I remember what I came here for in the first place. 

"We need to talk," he says before I can. 

I nod, agreeing. He walks all the way downstairs and leads me into the living room. I take a seat and he pours himself a glass of bourbon. I almost ask for one and then I remember I have another human being growing inside of me that doesn't have any tolerance for alcohol.

"So what do you want to talk about?" I ask. Stefan shrug but smiles. I then gain a certain confidence, thinking about the future I so want and cut him off. 

"Actually, do you mind if I go first?". Stefan raises an eyebrow but nods, putting his cup down. 

"I've just been contemplating everything in my head and my life just isn't going in the direction that I ever thought it would go in.  I'm pregnant, Jeremy lives in California basically alone, I'm constantly fighting with Damon and not to mention, Elena is being manipulated by a 1,000-year-old family of vampires, witches, and a hybrid. Oh and let's not forget, the one person Elena cares most about, yeah, I've been sleeping with him so that makes me a pretty shitty sister. The only way for me to make things a little better is if we end whatever we have going on". 

Stefan looks confused. 

"That's not at all what I was going for". 

I sigh. 

"Stefan, hat we have ben doing is wrong and we both know that. I was speaking to Elena and she sees a future for you two. What kind of big sister would I be if I keep fooling around with her boyfriend?"

"Her ex boyfriend, Jordan" he corrects me. I roll my eyes. 

"Stefan, that's not the point. The point is that when all of this is over, I want to have a normal life with my siblings and my child. And yes, I said it. I'm keeping my child. I want a family. I don't want to screw this up. My sister, Jer and this baby are the only family I got. Plus, do you really want to be a dad at 17?". 

Stefan raises an eyebrow. 

"You forget that i'm over 100 years old". 

I sigh loudly. 

"You're still not getting the point". 

"No. I do get the point Jay. I get that you're throwing away happiness to please other people. You act like Jeremy and Elena are the only family you've got when in reality you have Ric, Matt, Bonnie, Caroline. Even me and Damon. Elena loves both me and Damon, it's pretty obvious but I know that you only see me". 

I am stuck and I don't know what to do. With Stefan, I'm hurting Elena. Without Stefan, I'm hurting myself. But at the end of the day, this is something I can get over. I don't think she ever will. 

I get up from my seat with tears in my eyes. Tears of sadness and of frustration because having what I want means hurting other people and I can't have that happen. 

"Stefan, what we had together was meaningless. Just meaningless sex. Whatever happened between us in California is the past. There's a reason why I can't remember it. We don't have anything special. The girl for you is Elena". 

I hold back the tears but when I see him crying, I lose it. 

"I have to go". I say and run out of the house. I get in the car and drive away. I pull over in the middle of the road and just let it all out. No matter how much I want Stefan, Elena wants him more so I have to do what's best for my future and the future of those around me. I'm not only thinking about myself anymore. There's a human growing inside of me and I want it to know what's it's like to be surrounded by love and family.