Blue (The Spectrum Series: #3)

Chapter Thirty-One

I'm beyond clueless at Blue's sudden switch in behavior tonight. I try to brush it off as it being the norm for him, to leave me in the dark as he pushes away from me, even though we should be able to communicate since we are now a couple. I think. Ugh, this is what I mean. Sure, we've exchanged those three words, which should come after establishing what two people are, but that doesn't mean anything if we don't explicitly say what we are. I hate how he clouds my thoughts by saying and doing things I want, escaping what I truly desire, to label what we are.

Focusing on that depressing loose end of ours distracts me on the way up the elevator, but it quickly fades when I step off. I'm reminded how late it is when I walk towards my dorm room by the quietness and darkness in the halls. I should be falling asleep as I drag my feet toward my room, but I wouldn't be able to sleep even if I tried. I'm too worried about him and annoyed and a whole bunch of other things that make my brain hurt.

I'm not surprised to find the room empty. Riley rarely stays the night in our room. Now that I know the truth about her relationship with Mr. Grant, she's been spending more time without fearing I'll find out. What's stopping her from moving in with him? It's obvious they love each other, and she's totally obsessed with him, in an oddly cute way, and he's equally as smitten. That way she doesn't have to sneak back and forth, and I have a room all to myself.

I strip down to my underwear and neatly put my clothes in my hamper. I brush out my loose, wavy hair and put on my old oversized high school hoodie. The time on my bedside table reads: 1:07 am, but I'm not tired, so I sit down at my desk and study. But I don't quite see the words on the pages as I absentmindedly flip through notebooks and textbooks. All I can think about is watching the cab drive off with Blue. How easy it was for him to leave me, like he doesn't care about me. I feel pathetic as I swipe away tears. I hate how he shuts me out without any explanation, and he just expects me to be okay and go along with it.

When studying doesn't distract me from Blue's recent moody episode, I grab my laptop and cue up Netflix. I take my time browsing through TV shows I started but never finished and end up choosing The Office. I rarely watch television because I really only focus on dancing and school, hence the endless list of shows I tried to watch, but it's satisfying to watch a funny TV show without the pressure of dancing techniques studying until my eyes burn.

After an hour of watching for episodes that make me laugh more than I ever have for at a TV show, my eyes grow heavy and I let out a yawn. I send Blue a text, telling him to be careful and that we need to talk about tonight, before I let sleep overtake my senses and pull me under. I dream of bloody fists and bright lights.

I toss and turn for a few long moments until I finally wake myself up, feeling like something is off. Yawning, I notice the sun shining through the blinds; it hits my dresser, my hamper, and the dark figure hunched over in my desk chair. I jolt upright and feel my senses click into place. Cheap whiskey invades my nostrils, causing my stomach to whirl.

"Blue?" I speak softly and rub my eyes.

He doesn't reply, just stares at me from where he sits in my chair, elbows perched on his shaky knees. My heart sinks when the sun slowly fills the room, revealing the bags under his red and glossy eyes. He's drunk and he obviously hasn't gotten any sleep.

"Blue, what the hell—how did you get in here?" I locked the door before going to sleep, I'm sure of it. "How long have you been sitting there watching me sleep?"

"I didn't watch you sleep, I just got here when you woke up," he answers quietly.

He didn't answer how he got in, but it's not important right now.