Providence

Chapter 89: Evelyn

I slide Denise into Mam's hands. She nurses her for a moment, smiling down at her. "She looks like a mix of the two of you."

Mam's right. When I held her in my arms for the first time, I didn't really know who I thought she looked more like. But the first thing I did notice was that she has inherited Ryan's eyes. No doubt about it. They have the same emerald shade and the same beautiful sparkling quality to them.

Liam, Niamh and Sandra are all sitting alongside Mam. They're each waiting to nurse Denise a little bit. My dad will be here soon too, with Elliot and Nicola. Mam hands Denise over to Sandra, who's next in the queue. "She's gorgeous," she says.

Sandra speaks to Denise and nurses her close to her chest. "Aren't you lovely Denise?"

It makes me feel warm inside, seeing everybody focusing on Denise with such joy and wonderment. To see that everybody, for the moment, seems to have forgotten about the predicament befalling all of our lives. Except me, and probably Ryan. I mean, how could he forget about it? I look to him, and it seems that somehow, he has. He's watching Niamh taking hold of Denise with an elated smile. I think about this for a moment. How could he possibly be happy? I know we've just welcomed our baby into the world, but how can he not be showing signs of being saddened in the slightest by the harshness of the situation?

"What a little cutie," says Niamh. I look back at her. She turns to Liam. "Godfather to be. Want to hold her?"

He nods, and takes her from Niamh. Liam rests Denise's head at his elbow. The warm feeling inside me intensifies. Looking at how everybody has stood by Ryan and I through the thick and thin of the past year or so, I feel supported. I know that, when the time comes for Ryan, that I'll still have them all there for me. And I'll never be alone. That is hugely important to me.

Dad enters with Elliot and Nicola. Intertwined in Elliot's fingers is a huge balloon which reads New Baby! He's clutching a gift bag in the other hand. I can't help but smile as he dashes excitedly further into the room, and hugs into me.

"This is for the baby," he tells me.

I smile at him. If it's even possible, I think Elliot gets cuter as he gets older. He's twelve now, and his still has the adorable factor about him. I take the bag from him. "Thank you, Elliot. I'm sure she'll love it."

I peek into the bag, and pull out the teddy inside, as he continues to beaver excitedly. "It's a girl?"

"Yes," I say. "You've got a little niece."

"Can I hold her?" he asks.

I'm afraid to let him hold her. I know he's excited about being an uncle, but he's still very young. I'm terrified he won't support her head properly. But how can I say no? "Of course you can, but let Niamh or Sandra help you.

He nods fervently. "Okay, thanks Evelyn." He hands me the balloon and I tie it to the handle of the gift bag, as Niamh kneels beside Elliot and goes about showing him how to hold Denise properly. I give Dad and Nicola a quick hug each.

"How are you, Evelyn?" asks Nicola.

"Just a little tired."

She smiles kindly at me. "You look really well."

"Thank you," I say. I look to her and Dad and then gesture to Elliot. "Would you like to give her a quick hold?"

Dad nods. "Yeah, after Elliot. He was talking about holding his niece for the whole car journey here. He was really excited about it. I don't want to take her from him just yet."

I glance at Elliot, who's beaming at Denise. He really does seem so delighted to be holding her, and that's she's here. I reckon that part of the reason is that he's no longer the baby of the family, so to speak. He's not the youngest anymore, so now he feels a bit more mature, now that a new baby has arrived into the family, especially given that he's her uncle. I think that makes him feel like he has some sense of responsibility now. I nod at Dad. "How does it feel to be a granddad?"

He smiles. "How does it feel to be a mother?" he digresses.

I release a shallow sigh as I think about my answer. "It's an indescribable joyous feeling." And an extremely daunting one, I think.

Denise begins to wail, and I rush to her. "Did I do something wrong?" Elliot asks, alarmed as he notices how she has gone from tranquilly still and quiet to crying shrilly.

"No," I assure him. "She's just tired, I think. I do need to take her back though."

He nods and volunteers Denise back to me. I hold her to my shoulder and rock her gently, as I pace about the room. "I'm sorry Dad, but I need to get her down. Stay for an hour though to get to hold her. "Of course. I wasn't going to leave anytime soon anyway."

The nurse enters Ryan's room, and tells us that we all really need to clear out of the room and allow him to rest. That's fair enough. "Okay, I was just leaving to get the baby to sleep."

All the visitors shuffle out behind me after I tell Ryan I'll be back to see him in a few hours.

---

I've been rocking Denise for forty five minutes. I don't think she's going to drift off any time soon. My arms are hurting from holding her. Mam, who's in the room with me, volunteers to take her from me. I willingly hand her over. "Mam, she's no going to stop crying. I've tried."

She gives Denise a kiss on the forehead and sways her gently from side to side. I watch on in amazement as she begins to gradually quieten down her wails. Then just like that, she transitions into a state of serene quietness. I'm glad that whatever Mam's trick was, it worked in getting her to drift off, but I can't help but think Why wouldn't she go to sleep for me? What did I do wrong?