Chubby ✔️

Who's There?

I let out a sob as I sit on the tiled floor of the bathroom and clutch my head in my hands. Another sob escapes, and after it follows its close friends, the tears.
A violent shudder runs through my whole body as I recall the events of the past hour.

An hour ago

I walk in the school, my mind occupied with the events of yesterday.

I'll call Theodore today after school. As soon as I get home. And apologize for all the shit I said yesterday.

I round the corner and walk as I think over what I'll say to as I make my way to my locker, to grab my keys and head home.
As I'm walking, I don't notice the hand that reaches out of the janitor's closet and so, as I'm walking past the hand it roughly latches onto my denim shirt and yanks me inside the dark closet that smells of disinfectant.
"Who's there?" I whisper out and in response, I'm roughly pushed to the floor by my shoulders.

"Your worst nightmare, bitch!" Blondie spits out furiously. I don't know how she's managing to make her way around the cramped closet but apparently she has night vision because the next thing I know, a sharp tug of my hair has me looking up into the dark.
My breathing shallows as my mind registers how dark it is.

Did I forget to mention? I'm terrified of the dark. Childish, I know. But I've always been afraid of the dark. And so, I always had a nightlight as a child and later had a lamp on at night when I slept.
I gasp for air as I wildly look around, trying to spot some sort of light. Even a tiny ray would do.

While I battle my biggest demon, the blonde devil chuckles in realization. "So, you're afraid of the dark?"

"Please," I plead as I move my arms around, looking for a light switch.

"The light switch is outside," Blondie snickers and lets go of my hair. She opens the door and I let out a sigh of relief. It's short lived when she runs out and slams the door behind her. A click is heard and I whimper as I struggle with the door knob. I bang on the door as I feel myself growing faint.
"Might as well get comfy!" She yells from outside and I shake my head at her words even though she can't see.

I gasp for breathe as I fall onto my knees and feel my hands violently shake.

Panic attack.

I lightly hit my fist against the door, hoping she opens it but she doesn't.
I don't feel the difference as I let my eyes close.

There is more darkness after the dark.

•••

Present time

I hear the tap water running as I clutch my head and shake on the tiled floor. I rock myself back and forth, hoping to get rid of the memory of that dark closet.
But every time I close my eyes, I see the dark and it scares me even more.
How do I fight the dark when that's all I see every time I close my eyes?

I slam my head back onto the wall behind me and look up at the ceiling.

Why me?

When I hear the person leave and the water stop, I open my cubicle slowly and walk out. I look at myself in the mirror as I wash my trembling hands, only to move back a little. Out of shock.
I touch my cheeks and notice my cheekbones showing slightly.

I'm losing weight; because I'm skipping meals.
Why didn't I try this before?

I'm too busy focusing on my cheekbones that when I look up at my eyes, all the excitement fades in a second.
My eyes look dead. No light. Empty pools of blue with the edges a crimson red as one drop of water escapes.

I dry off my hands under the automatic hand drier and walk out, slinging my back on my right shoulder.

As I walk home, I can't help but wonder,

No physicals injuries today, just a mental one.

I open the front door and walk in the kitchen when I hear Casper crying. "What's wrong?"

Natalie looks at me and sighs in relief, "look Casp!" She tries to get him to stop crying as she points toward me. "Aunt Lilo is here! Go give her a hug."

Casper, still crying runs over to me and hugs me as I pick him up and hug him back. I rub his back slowly and look at Natalie questioningly. She mouths a "later" to me and I nod my head.

I keep rubbing Casper's back and walk to the living room, sitting down and cradling him to me. Like I used to when he was a newborn.
I turn the tv on and smile when I see Charlie and The Chocolate Factory on. I increase the volume and notice Casper's tears coming to a halt and his entire attention focused on the Oompa Loompas as they dance around the big blue ball, Violet Beauregard.

Soon, Casper is fast asleep, curling into me and snoring softly. I lower the volume and get up, carrying him to his room and laying him down onto the bed as I tuck him in.
I walk in the kitchen and find Natalie chopping vegetables and sit on the barstool next to the kitchen counter, raising my brows at her for an explanation concerning Casper's tantrum.

She puts the knife down and sighs as she rubs her forehead, "Theodore left today so he's been really sad and cranky."

I tense up when her words register through my brain and look at her, making sure she said what I heard her say, "what? Theodore left?" I clarify.
She nods her head and frowns at me, "Didn't he tell you?" I slowly shake my head and she frowns. "Oh."

"I'm going to go lie down," I tell Natalie and she nods her head, sending a quick smile my way before scanning the materials inside the fridge.

I close my bedroom door and lean back on it. He left? He didn't even tell me. Well, I think that's obvious. I went too far.

I let myself slide down the door and sit on the floor as I think on what to do. I see my phone lying on the bedside table. Should I call him? He gave me his number one day and told me to call him whenever I feel alone and need to talk to someone.

Without thinking, I scramble onto my feet and grab my phone. My finger hovers over his name and I think on whether he'll pick up or not. I shake my head, determined.

It's Theodore. He may be mad but he'll pick up.

I press the phone to my ear as the bell keeps ringing. It rings for a few minutes and goes t9 voicemail.

I frown as I end the call and look at my phone like it just started talking.

He..didn't pick up.