PUMPKIN /// MITCHEL CAVE

four

My phone rings at five a.m. sharp. I flinch up, reaching for it and stretching big, yawning as I do. It's an early Wednesday morning, my alarm for school ringing in an hour and a half. "Mitchel?" I groan, carding a hand through my hair. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know if I can do this." He groans. There's a lot of noise in the background, I'm not entirely sure where he is. "Listen, you're a great person and all....but I'm not ready for a kid and it's gonna ruin so much ―" I cut him off. 

"Mitchel, listen." I sigh, fully awake now as I click on my bedside lamp. "I didn't ask for this kid either. Neither of us want this....but we don't have a choice. I want to finish school, I want to be a normal eighteen year old, but that's not going to happen."

"This is going to ruin my life." I scoff, rolling my eyes.

"You need to learn to take responsibility for your own actions. This isn't ideal; but it's what we're stuck with and you're gonna have to deal with that." I stand, starting to get everything ready for the school day. It may be a few hours away, but I have nothing better to do for the time being. Plus, getting my clothes together and organizing my backpack keeps my hands busy and my mind occupied. 

"God, I wish you'd just get a fucking abortion." I drop the pair of jeans in my hand, grabbing my dresser for support. 

"No. I do not want one and that is not your decision to make for me." I regain my composure, picking the discarded trousers from the floor. 

"How am I gonna tell my brother? How do you expect me to do that?" I turn myself around, leaning against my bedroom wall.

"Mitchel, that is not my problem. All I know is this is your child, and I'm not going to allow them thinking their father hates them. Because that's how I grew up, and it's not fun, Mitchel." He lets out a sigh, sounding exhausted. 

"Does your mom know?" 

"No."

"Why not?" I laugh.

"She's gonna fucking kick me out." He takes a deep breath when I say that. 

"I'll call you later." With that and a click, Mitchel's gone. 

I sink down to the floor, sighing and feeling tears press against my eyelids. I'm not going to be able to avoid telling Mom much longer. She'll get suspicious with the numerous doctor's appointments I have that she's not booking. The insurance bills will start coming in, with gynecologist's names and pregnancy testing printed all over it. Plus, I'll start showing at some point, and there's no point in even trying to hide it then. 

Tears begin to run down my face. I know I'd be better off with an abortion, but I'm too terrified. I don't even know where to go for one. I just can't do it. Yesterday, I thought Mitchel would be different. He reacted positively. He wasn't thrilled, but he didn't erupt like I expected. He was quiet for the most part, listening to what I had to say and asking the occasional question. Now, however, it's all sinking in and he's exploding the way I expected him to.

 I'll admit it hurts. It hurts in my chest, all the way up to my throat and the back of my shoulders. I grew up without a father, and it was absolutely disastrous. I longed for him. I wanted a father figure in my life. I had nobody. I want my child to grow up with a father in their life. Even if Mitchel and I aren't together. Even if Mitchel isn't always around. I want him involved. I want my child―our child―to be able to call him and talk. Ask him questions. Get help on homework. Even when Mitchel's on the road, I want him to be a dad. I don't see any of that happening. It's breaking my heart. 

I'm seven weeks pregnant. Seven. Just under two months. I have another doctor's appointment coming up....I have to tell Mom by then. My last appointment was just bloodwork and confirming everything, this next one is where everything starts picking up. I'm not ready, but soon I won't have a choice but to be.

Six a.m. quickly approaches. The sunrise starts to peak through my windows, just barely golden, casting a coat of yellow over everything in it's path. It's calm. This is my favorite part of the day if I'm actually up in time to see it. Mitty texts me, a simple i'm sorry, but that's all. I don't reply. He has control here. Whether he wants to communicate with me or not is up to him. For now, I'm giving him the chance to come around. Later, it won't be this easy. 

I start getting dressed, deciding I'll get a decaf latte from the nearby coffeehouse with Jacob and Sasha before school starts. I send them both a quick text, getting both replies almost immediately. Both agree, and I start to get dressed. It's a bit chilly today, accompanied by a light rain falling to the ground. It's just a light drizzle, peaceful enough where I have no problem walking in it. My phone buzzes again before I can even get downstairs. Mitchel.

alexis give me your address 

I have school today.

I grab my backpack and my wallet, heading downstairs. Mom is still asleep, so I slip out of my house unnoticed. That's how many of my mornings go, she never knows I'm gone. She never even checks throughout the day that I'm in school, she just makes the bad decision to trust that I'm not ditching. 

when will you be home? i need to meet with you as soon as possible.

Without asking, I text back Sasha's address and say he can meet me there at 5. I head down to my small car, preparing for the short drive to the coffeehouse. My phone dings, but I don't grab for it until I've parked. I see Jacob's truck, but there's no sign of Sasha's Jeep yet, though she shouldn't be long. I pull out my phone. Mitchel's text me once more.

i'll be there. i'm sorry. have a good day.

His kindness both shocks and terrifies me. Just a  half hour ago he was full of anger. Now, he wants to meet and he's sorry? He's treating me well. I don't know how much I trust what's about to go down, but I text back that I'll see him there anyways.

Sasha pulls up seconds later. I step out of my car, the Sydney humidity automatically enveloping me. I've grown up in it, but though I'm used to it it still never feels good. Sasha gives me a hug, Jacob laughing and holding the door for the both of us. He still doesn't know, and I'm not sure how to tell him. 

While we browse the menu of the all too familiar place, I lean in toward Sasha's ear. "I need your apartment at 5. Baby Daddy meeting." She sucks in a deep breath, but nods. I lean towards Jacob. 

What am I getting myself into?