Safer This Way

Chapter 21

Well, two weeks goes by really fast. To make up for being late...again, this one is extra long so I hope you like it :)...Happy reading!

*North*

I can't breathe.

She was here.

Right here.

Her and her beautiful fucking voice were barely 20 feet away and I let her slip right through my fingers.

So close and now she's gone. And I can't breathe.

I can vaguely hear shouting, an unfamiliar voice mingling with the familiar ones of my brother's, but even those are muffled by the roar of blood rushing through my head. All I can hear are the echoes of her singing, terrible and wonderful all at once, breaking another piece of my heart with the soul deep sadness in every word.

As seconds pass, and she gets further and further away from me, I start to grow numb. It starts from the tips of my fingers, inching towards my heart slowly but surely until I can no longer feel the cold wetness of the dirt staining my jeans, or the pain burning me from the inside out. I can't hear, I can't think, and I can't feel. And for a brief moment I think that might be a good thing.

Who knew that breaking could hurt this fucking much?

"North!"

No.

"North, goddammit, you don't get to fucking lose it right now! Fuck!"

Hands shake me roughly, but I'm not ready to come back ye.

"Fucking hell, I hope you fucking forgive me for this, asshole."

What is he–? "What the fuck!"

Gabe shakes out his hand as if it it hurts, face slack with relief. "Thank fucking christ! You were freaking me the fuck out with that silent shit, but fuck your face is hard."

Rubbing at my jaw, I glare at him. "Well no one fucking old you to punch it, asshole."

My growled words have the opposite effect that they usually do, another relieved exhale leaving him before he turns serious eyes on me. "North...man, are you alright? I know that not finding her tonight sucks, but this feels like more than that."

I run rough fingers through my hair, tugging at the shaggy strands before deciding to tell him the truth. Him and the others who have finally given up their respective searches to join us deep in the woods, far enough away from the houses that I can only vaguely hear the sounds of the road. I'm tired of holding back from my brothers, when all it does is build shit up inside me until I can't take it anymore.

"Of course it's fucking more than that. I lost her when I promised she wasn't alone, she's obviously in pain, and...fuck man, hearing her voice tonight, knowing she's real and that she's still out there for me to find...it's...everything." A sharp, sad sounding laugh escapes me. "And I fucking lost her...again. What if something happens? What if I never find her?"

A large hand lands on my shoulder, bringing the oddest sensation of a weight being lifted as I confess my fears of losing my Baby forever, without ever really knowing her, or seeing the girl whose voice haunts me day and night.

"δεν φοβούνται, αδελφός. Θα τη βρούμε. Εν πάση περιπτώσει είμαστε ακαδημία, αν βάλουμε μαζί τα κεφάλια μας, είμαι βέβαιος ότι όλα θα αποκαλυφθούν έγκαιρα (Have no fear, brother. We will find her. We are academy after all, if we put our heads together I'm sure all will be revealed in time)," he rumbles and I nod.