𝗹𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 | jinji

let me.

💌

to you,

you wore the greatest smile, you gave the most stunning visual, you radiated an amazing and a whole positive vibe.

for days, it was different.

i barely saw you happy. you barely wore that beautiful smile, and instead, your lips remained within a straight line, frozen as if they were forced to be frozen. your eyes that always seemed to have so much happiness in them, changed; they were filled with darkness, sorrow, and exhaustion. the dark bags under your eyes were becoming exaggerated with every fake smile you'd put on.

you can't fool me.

fool everyone, but not me.

for days, i knew you were suffering.

but if i show my concern, would you accept?

you'd probably be disgusted. you'd probably think, "we aren't even close."

i want to take care of you. i want to give you useful advices. i want to cherish you within my life forever.

i was put onto earth because of that smile, i continue to live because of your eyes that i adore.

something inside me basically flamed; it wanted me to protect you.

i'm still regretful.

despite knowing everything, every inch of your story, i did nothing.

because i knew, if i did, it would ruin what we have now.

the purity of our friendship, even if we were not really that close.

after days, people started to notice.

professors talked to you, concerned as to why you weren't performing well.

you failed to pass any projects, you had grades lower than a single digit within your exams, you never took any notes, nor did you even try to study or review. you slept during class discussions and exam hours.

you don't know how much i'm worried about you.

but i brushed it off.

because i knew it.

it wasn't any of my business.

even if it was, would you let me in your life?

the life you hid so well from strangers? the heart you protected from people you couldn't trust?

and there, you cried.

i was surprised you did.

at that moment, my heart raged, and at the same time, it broke.

you talked to all your friends and our professors.

you even talked to her about it.

i'm sorry.

i know it isn't something that's considered as my fault.

but i'm sorry.

i'm sorry that i was too blind; i was too hung up in my stuck-up pride, too hung up at the fact that you would probably never accept neither my affection nor my concern.

i hope you'd let me into your heart. let me hear every inch of aggression stuck within your mind and soul. let me into your life, and we'll break each ghost of anxiety within you, together.

i love you.

but i'm sorry.

because love is all that i can offer to you.

that is, if you can't let me in.

xoxo, js.