Lost and Confused

Patience

I'm a little tired... pretty tired. I felt I was pushing to hard to get what I want, not playing it smart. I still want what I want, but maybe not right now. Now seems like it isn't the right time to commit to my plans.

I've been in the shadows the past few days recalculating my plans when I got some disturbing info. She is dating now, which is ok, however there is something that doesn't feel right....
You now what it's not ok, I'm breaking character here.

I'm pretty fucken pissed off right now. I'm heart broken yet again. Whenever I think something good is going to finally happen, I prove myself right in knowing it won't, but believing it will. It's like I expect negativity every where I go, in everything I do. No one gets its. I put my heart out for my friends in hopes to get something back, and only one has been there for me. Not 5 seconds went by before she jumped into action to help me. And here is the interesting thing, we haven't talked in a few months yet she was still there for me when I needed her, thank God... God... what is happening to me? Why is all this happening to me again and again and again?

I make time for my friends, to help them through their struggles. There's always time, anyone can make it. I know they need help, I can tell. When you state you've been missing classes and don't understand the material that I know, I'll help you because you need it. When you have so much stress on your mind you rely on smoking to ease it, I'll be there to help you stop smoking and get through your pain, and I was there and available afterwards. I even check up on you like I said I would.

I kept my word.

Doesn't that mean anything? It seems so hard now a days for people to keep their words and their promises, it's all mostly lies. But not me. I am the best thing that would ever happen in your life and you decided not to take it. I've heard while waiting in the shadows what you've been doing and I do not support it. You are blind. You WILL get hurt again, you have no idea what your dealing with. You....you are on a dangerous path of reality. You have not experienced it...but I have...and so has someone very close to you who you have apparently shoved away momentarily. We care about you. We see things that you are blinded to. We know more than you do. You are making a huge mistake and you thought what you went through was tough....this will be the worst thing that you have ever experienced in your life. It will effect you in years to come. You will have endless sleepless nights thinking about it, how your judgement was clouded from smoke and the false desires. You will wake up with tears and everyday wondering why you did what you did. These mistakes will destroy you. You will learn a very powerful lesson, I have already experienced it and still am.

I don't want you to make this mistake...

I'm not telling you how you should run your relationship, I'm telling you, this is the worst one to get into. We are getting pushed away to the point where if something happens, we won't be able to save you. We care for you, we want you to be happy, but this is not what you need. This is poisoned trap just waiting for you to fall into it, and when you do, we won't be able to help you...

It's not too late, listen to us, learn from our experiences. Be patient, because the man you want, is waiting for you. We are on a journey to find our pair, you may have missed your partner, but if you give it time, they'll be back...

As long as you don't push him away...

Be patient and I promise, you will find happiness. Who knows, he might be closer to you than you thought.