Underage

[46] Feels Like Goodbye

[46] Feels Like Goodbye

It's all I wanted. To be free of my parents control, to be out from under their scrutinizing eyes, to be allowed to do my own thing. I finally made the first step towards this, and I can't enjoy it.

His eyes are beating into the side of my face, his scowl deep and his eyebrows thick and furrowed. His green eyes are full of anger, of jealousy, that he's not trying hard to hide. I knew what happened today would get back to him, or lack of what happened. And yet, here we are.

He can't be angry. He can't be jealous.

What did he think was going to happen when he went away? Did he think I was going to sit back and pine after someone who's leaving me? He's going miles away, to a completely different part of the state. To a place where the girls are going to be prettier and there isn't going to be one holding him back, tying him down. He'll have free range. And I can't do anything to stop it. I can't do anything to keep him here, with me.

Long distance relationships are a lot of work. They require trust, an amount I'm not sure exists within me. And I know he feels the same. It's written on his face every time he hears the words, every time he lets himself think of what if.

What if we stayed together and still pursued our degrees at different colleges? What if we went to the same college? Would we survive the four years together? Would we break up the first time things got really rough? Would there be someone better? There's always someone better.

I knew Cooper was going to tell him. I had hoped he wouldn't, as to save us from what's happening now, but I know why he did it. As his best friend, he was morally obligated to. I would have done the same for Grace as she would for me.

"Are you going to say anything?" Ethan asks me.

I'm sitting on the couch. Our friends are in front of us, on the floor, cuddled together with their backs against the chair and a blanket thrown over their laps. Ethan's beside me with his back against the arm of the couch and his legs up in his chest. Magnus is asleep in my lap, my hand absently running up and down his back.

"What do you want me to say?"

Parker was cute, but he's not Ethan. No one is Ethan. He's the boy I love. He's the boy I want to spend a long time with. But he doesn't want the same. He wants more in his life than some small town girl that would keep him at home. He wants big cities and busy days. And right now, I'm not sure if I want the same.

Right now, I want long hours in front of a canvas. I want paint-riddled skin. I want blisters on my fingers from the paint brushes. I want masterpieces created by my hand, my mind, my talent. I want to learn. I want to devour new techniques and ways to create. I want to learn everything I possibly can.

"That you weren't flirting with him."

I groan loudly. "I wasn't flirting with him."

"That's not what they said."

I look towards Grace and plead, with my eyes, for her to help me. "He said that Parker was flirting with her, not the other way around."

I gave her a grateful smile. But, when I look back at Ethan, he's still glaring at his hands in front of him. "But you didn't stop him."

"He knows I have a boyfriend," I tell him, grabbing one of his hands and running my thumb over his knuckles. He doesn't pull away, that's at least a good sign. But, he still doesn't look up at me. "And once we left, he stopped."

"Once we left? You two were left alone together?"

The possessiveness in his voices makes my head spin.