Zarry One Shots by dattumblrgal

Pining - University AU

"What happens after we die?"
Zayn side-eyes Harry, taking in his drunken state. They've been at the bar for quite a while and Harry's inability to say no to Tequila Sunrises has proven to be (once again) fatal for Harry's sobriety.
"Haz, I think you've had enough tonight," Zayn says and takes the shot glass full of vodka out of Harry's hands. He feels like he's handling a toddler but that's not an unusual thought to have while trying to get a drunk Harry home.
"No," Harry whines, trying to unsuccessfully reach for the glass again. "Why are you so mean?"
Zayn rolls his eyes. "All our friends have left already. We should get home."
Harry looks at him, suprisingly holding his drunken gaze at the same spot. "I've a broken heart. So I can drink here for however long I want. Besides, you didn't answer my question."
Zayn's taken aback. He clearly overestimated how drunk Harry actually is. "I don't know what happens after we die. Maybe even nothing."
"That would just suck, wouldn't it?" Harry asks, watching his own fingers as they circle around the rim of the now empty shot glass. "But it's fitting, I guess. Like now there's nothing left of my relationship that I put so much energy and love into. Funny, isn't it?"
"Harry," Zayn sighs and he really doesn't know what to say. His best friend has been like this for nine days - ever since he caught his now ex-boyfriend in bed with a girl. Harry wanted to surprise him, coming to Jake's place early, using the key Jake had given him only a month before that. Well, it was certainly a surprise.
"No, don't 'Harry' me," Harry scoffs. "'I can be upset over this."
"You can," Zayn nods. "But it's the fifth time you've gotten drunk ever since you two have broken up."
"And?" Harry asks, looking at Zayn with an icy gaze.
"He's not worth it, Haz," Zayn says quietly, reaching for Harry's hand on the bar top. Harry moves his hand away and Zayn tries to tell himself that it doesn't hurt.
"I'm not worth it," Harry spits out. "I'm not worth of anyone's love because everyone fucking leaves me. Just uses me and leaves me. What is so fucking wrong with me that I can't make anyone love me?"
"There's nothing wrong with you," Zayn assures him because it's true. Harry's fucking wonderful and if someone should know, it's Zayn. He's known Harry for years, he's seen all the assholes Harry has dated but he couldn't do anything about it. No matter how many times he tells Harry how amazing he actually is, it doesn't make any lasting impact because Harry's got a permanent worm of insecurity in his head, planted by jerks that never even deserved Harry in the first place.
"Of course you'd say that, we're best friends," Harry scoffs and tries to catch the barman's attention by raising his hand. Zayn catches his hand in his, making Harry looking at him curiously.
"Harry you've got to be really fucking blind to not notice what an amazing guy you are," Zayn says and his heart is now beating in his throat. He's trying his hardest to help Harry get over his fucked up ex without exposing his own crush on Harry that's been growing for years now. But he has to try, somehow, because seeing Harry this hurt is painful.
"You're kind, you're funny, you're an incredible person to be around. Besides, you're fucking hot. So if anyone tries to tell you you're not the best thing in their lives or if they leave you for someone else, it's their loss and your win, because you can move into better things now."
Harry's eyes start to get wet with tears. He hasn't moved his hand away yet which is a relief. They look at each other, in this little bubble between them in a busy bar. The dozens of people, the loud music and shouting, all of it is merely dust in the air around them.
"Why don't they love me, Zayn?" Harry asks with a pained voice. It takes all of Zayn's strength not to say "I love you" now. Because he does. He loves Harry and sometimes he feels drenched in guilt that he's still around, he's still one of the people Harry's the closest to.
"I've no idea, Haz," Zayn answers.
Harry sniffles, the tears threatening to spill. "Why am I not enough?"
"Babe, you will find someone who are will be enough for. There's nothing wrong with you. It's them who are at fault."
Harry nods, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. The look in his eyes when he looks at Zayn after that sends a chill down Zayn's spine. Maybe it's the alcohol or Harry's just confused after a breakup but he's never looked at Zayn like this before. With a hint of desire hidden in curiousity and something unreadable.
"Am I enough for you, Zayn?" Harry asks then and Zayn's heart might as well stop. He takes a sharp breath, watching Harry who's got his eyes on him, his face immovable.
"Always," Zayn says simply. Almost breathlessly.
"Can I kiss you?" Harry asks.
Zayn's head starts to spin. He wants nothing more than to chant a litany of yeses, to finally capture Harry's lips in that kiss he's been aching for for ages and ages. But he can't. He knows he can't because it wouldn't be honest, truthful. Harry's drunk, heartbroken. He wants affection; love that wasn't given to him in his previous relationship. And Zayn would love to give him all that and more. But not like this. Never like this.
"No, Haz," Zayn says after a moment, taking his hand out of Harry's. "You're drunk and confused. Let's go home."
Harry looks down and nods to himself. "Can you remind me to kiss you?" he asks when he looks up again. "When I'm sober and we're not in a bar?"
Zayn nods. He doesn't know how serious Harry is. He might be setting himself up for a heartbreak of his own. He probably won't ever say a word about this to Harry, if he doesn't remember it himself.
Harry smiles at him. He hops off the bar stool, waiting for Zayn to do the same before linking their arms. Harry leaves a kiss on Zayn's cheek, whispering something that gets lost in the sound of the bar.
"What?" Zayn says around a laugh.
"Nothing," Harry grins and looks straight ahead, effectively ending the conversation.
They walk for a while, the silence between them interrupted only by passing cars or other bar-goes such as themselves.
"You'll find out what I said earlier when you give me that kiss," Harry says, as a comment more than a start of a conversation, leaving Zayn confused.
They get to their shared apartment a few minutes later and it's the same as any other time when they get back from a bar, each of them going to his own room with a muttered 'Goodnight'. Only this time, Zayn's left staring at his ceiling and wondering what the fuck did Harry mean by all that talk about kissing. He even might rethink his stance on the reminder about the kiss.