Guilt

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"We won't find it no matter how many times we look," Farlen said quietly. We had tried our luck in trying to find the document but no luck. "Where would I put it?" I questioned leaning against the wall. "Inside my stomach band, of course," Isabell stats patting her stomach. 

"Now, I don't know if Erwin wears a stomach band. We could use the Expedition to our advantage. Outside the wall, Erwin and the others will be concentrated on the Titans." Farlen said. Levi moved from his spot on the wall. "But I'll be going alone," He stated.

"What?" We asked shocked. "You three, just think up an excuse and stay behind."

 "Brother..." Isabell starts, "WHY!" 

He countered with: "It takes all we've got just to make it back alive. But if I'm by myself, I'll manage somehow."

"But-" Farlen held up his hand stopping me. Isabell rushed up to him, "How can you say that? You won't know until we've at least tried! What's wrong? This isn't like you." 

I called after Levi as he left. "Levi!" We rushed to find him following the soft clicks. 

"Levi!" We stopped behind him. We were on the roof, the night dark with clouds. "Levi, let's talk about this. I can't agree with you going alone." I said quietly. He said something that surprised us, "When you can't see the moon or stars, the sky up here is just the same as the sky down there." We all looked up. "It's completely different" Isabell defended. "That's right, the sky is endless. It may be just as dark, but it's far different than the underground" Farlen said joining in.

"Look" We looked up again "We're not underground" The cold night blew a calm breeze into the air. "It'll be the same with the Titans. Let's do this together." I said placing my hand on his shoulder as we sat next to him. The clouds cleared and the moon shone through along with a few stars as well.

"Levi, believe in us." Levi gasped lightly in surprise. "Alright" he finally answered. He gave a soft smile and I couldn't help but grin. "I believe in you" 

"Yay" Isabell screamed while Farlen and I just smiled.

On the day of the expedition, I felt that horrible nauseating feeling that I felt when something bad, no horrible was going to happen. I wanted to stop the mission. I wanted to turn everyone around but, looking at their motivated faces and their bright eyes, I couldn't rain on their parade.

"Today, we take another step forward! Show me the fruits of your training!" We all stood at the gate on our horse. I had my hair tied back and looked forward trying not to think about what horrifying thing would happen today that would follow me for the rest of my days, haunting me at night and filling my every waking thought. No, I tried not to think of the regret that would suffocate me afterward or the guilt that would slowly drain away my life source. 

"We will now begin the 23rd Expedition Beyond the Walls! Forward, everyone!" Commander Shadis yelled as the advancement began. I had recognized Shadis from all those years ago when he had given me the last of my fathers possession but I never approached as anything other than just another soldier. 

As we rode out and away from the walls, I looked up at the sun shining down coating everything it touched with warmth. It would have been comforting if it weren't for how sick I felt. "What a beautiful sight," I said with a bitter smile. 

The moment was interrupted as we heard the call, "Titan sighted!" The Titan was coming straight for us, our squad leader firing a red flare. He killed the one in front but there were two more coming from the back so Levi and I turned to face them. We raced side by side towards the Titans.

We jumped at the same time firing our ODM at trees behind the Titans, swinging around and cutting them down. We swung out of the rising dust landing as we watched Isabelle and Farlen handle a titan. My breath hitched as I saw Isabell in the slimy grips of a titan but cut herself out and Farlen killed it. I felt a lump form in my through as a cold feeling settled on me. We needed to leave and we needed to now. 

TIME LOOP ||(Levi x Titan shifter!Reader)Where stories live. Discover now