𝙘𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙝. 𝘯𝘢 𝘫𝘢𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯 [✅]

五

have you ever just sat on your bed with tears in your eyes, telling yourself that it's going to be okay, when you know damn well that it won't?

it was three in the morning and jaemin was sitting in his bed in one of jeno's hoodie and was desperately trying to cry quietly so that he didn't wake up his mother. he was sobbing into his pillow and taking deep breaths but the aching in his chest didn't stop. he almost couldn't breathe and he felt like he would throw up at any moment now but he couldn't stop the tears from rolling down on his cheeks.

it hurt so, so much. jeno wasn't only his lover, his crush, he was also his bestfriend, and the thought of him betraying jaemin like that was ripping the skinny boy into tiny pieces. it wasn't the first time the other boy has done it, and meanwhile jaemin forgave him the first time, he knew that he couldn't do that now.

first it was a mistake, but now it was a choice. thinking about renjun touching jeno in all the places he used to made him nauseous. 

maybe jeno wasn't even his, after all.

maybe jeno was always renjun's, and will always remain his.

maybe jaemin didn't deserve him at all.

the young boy inhaled deeply before climbing from his bed. he took a hoodie from his chair, slipped on his shoes and out he was.

the streets in his neighbourhood were quiet and peaceful in the morning, the only interruption to the dead silence was a car that passed by jaemin's walking figure after a few minutes.
jaemin didn't mind the silence, his mind was screaming at him anyway, it was nice that at least outside there was piece.

when he finally reached his destination, he took off jeno's hoodie and wrapped it around their favorite tree next to his ex-boyfriend's house. he sniffed again before taking a sharp turn and starting to walk slowly, aimlessly in the late night.

'i can't do this anymore', he thought.