𝙘𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙝. 𝘯𝘢 𝘫𝘢𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯 [✅]

三十

Jaemin felt calm.

The alcohol mixed with the pills he had to take early in the morning and it made him feel completely content where he was. He couldn't hear the screaming voices in his head anymore and he couldn't feel the pain in his chest. He was finally able to breathe properly and smile without a worry.

Angie was laughing loudly at something Woon said while holding her boyfriend's hand and Jaemin felt a pang of jealousy hit him. He wanted that. He wanted to be able to laugh with someone that freely. He wanted to be able to feel free without having to take pills or drink. He wanted to have an honest smile on his smile every day, he was so, so tired of painting a fake one on his face just so he didn't worry his friends and family any more than he already did.
He wanted to be able to sit in front of the mirror without crying and not have nightmares every night.

He just wanted everything to get better.

"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" Gunseok plopped down next to him on the couch and Jaemin slowly directed his gaze towards the older boy.

"That I'm going to end up in detox if I drink more. I took my pills today" he giggled, his words being nothing but a drunken slur. Obviously, Gunseok hasn't found this as funny as the younger one did and immediately felt his heartbeat anxiously get faster.

"I really don't want to stick my fingers down your throat so I suggest you drink a lot of water and sober up or throw up by yourself" he said sternly, grabbing a bottle of water from the table and handing it to the intoxicated boy who just silently took it and started sipping slowly on it.

"Why are you always so nice to me?'he turned to face Gunseok with nothing but curiosity written across his face.

"Because I love you. And everyone is nice to the people they love" Gunseok sighed, running his fingers over his naughty locks that didn't want to stay in place.

"Jeno said he loved me but he wasn't nice to me."

Gunseok tried to ignore the hurt he felt at Jaemin mentioning his ex boyfriend even whhile being drunk.

"That's because Jeno is an asshole and I try not to be one" Gunseok scoffed and started fidgeting with the sleeves of the hoodie he was wearing. Jaemin let out another giggle before climbing closer to Gunseok and cupping his face before turning it so that the older was looking straight into his eyes.

"You are so, so nice, Gun..."Jaemin murmured while caressing the other boy's jaw with his thumb."Can I kiss you? I really want to kiss you."

Gunseok felt his insides tremble and his stomach exploding into millions of pieces.
This was nice.
Only if there were true feelings involved.

"No. Let's get you home."

And just like that, the magic of the night disappeared and Jaemin felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped on him, pushing him back into his miserable state of anxiety and sadness.
Though, he didn't show anything, he just silently nodded and followed Gunseok back to his car.

——
idek anymore, sorry if it's shitty
it's 11pm and i'm sad, bare with me