Another Cliche Reincarnation Book

Chapter 9.5. Darkness Is My Home

A/N: Happy belated birthday to one of my 9-10 cousins! Yeeapp okay, hope you guys like this chapter! I'm sorry for this being kinda late and look pretty long, procrastination is my favorite sport and good thing I'm so good at it.
This chapter has some messed up shiz in it and some... Disturbingly clear imagery, basically, it's really weird, sad and messed up, the definition of me
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Darkness. All around me, surrounding my body like a blanket. Taking over my vision, making my limbs weak and my senses numb.

Darkness. The feelings that lingers throughout the coldness that envelopes me are confusing.  It terrifies, yet soothes me. Frightening, yet comforting all at the same time.

I sit in the middle of a soft field in the middle of a forrest I escaped to, petrified. My inability to move strikes me with the feeling of being weak even though I already know I am.

I open my eyes as I try to sit up. Ignoring the pain, I push my body upwards causing irritation to fill my arms snaking all the way up to my head. I opened my eyes, but I'm completely blinded. I can't see anything but black. It terrifies me, but I'm used to it.

"Ryuki~" A familiar voice calls my name, bringing my attention towards the noise. I see a vague female figure in the distance pacing towards my paralyzed form.

"Ryuki, sweetie, wake up~" There is was again. Her sweet voice flowing through my ears, taking up my mind. I remember those times where this voice used to sing me to sleep, calm my nerves and tell me everything's going to be okay. But then that voice disappeared. It was overtaken by another voice, one that sounds exactly like it, but much more sinister and sad. Now that exact voice used to be the cause of my nightmares and depression, terrify me and haunt me even in my new life.

"Mom...?" I asked, squinting my eyes to adjust it to the darkness and possibly even try to see through the darkened nowhere.

My limbs ache such as it did before I was rebirthed into this world. I brang my arm higher to my face. I was right. Blue and purple surrounded my skin, bruises covered my body, maybe even some cold, red blood spilling from probably infected wounds and scars running through my frail figure.

"Ryuki, dear, it's time to get up." She said to me as she wrapped her hand around the part it stings the most. "Honey, get up, your father might get mad at you for lazing around."

I flinch at the mentioning of my so-called 'father'. I instantly got up, ignoring the pain surging through every part of my fragile form, and rush upwards.

A familiar little, broken-down house with a garden filled with blood-red tulips appeared in front us and all the memories I've been trying to suppress has suddenly polluted my mind again. My mental pain hurts a lot more than my numb limbs. My scared childhood memories take up my whole mind, refusing to process the situation I'm in right now.

My memories are one of the many things I fear most. My father is another one. And Mother. But the thing I fear the absolute most is someone finding out. Someone judging me for my life. Someone to tell me and others how f-cked up it is. But I already know that.

I'm afraid of what other people will think of me. I'm afraid of myself. I've hurt so many innocent people. So. Many. People. Who. Didn't. Deserve. That. I bring them and people who loved them so much grief. I wonder if my mother and father are happy I'm finally gone? Probably even A-kun too. No one really loves me. No one really cares. Who would?

I look towards the tulips. They used to be my absolute favourite flowers, but then again, they also used to be a beautiful white.

"Riki!" An unfamiliar and strong voice boomed into my head, bringing me back from my thoughts. I frantically look around for the source of the voice.

Suddenly, my whole body starts to involuntarily shake. My vision turning blurry and static like. Blue, green and even white stripes appear in my vision. I lose control of myself.

"Doctor! Patient 127 is moving irregularly! Strap her down!" There that voice is again. Why does it sound so unfamiliar, yet, so recognizable?

A bright white light derives my vision. I freeze, being cautious of my movements; limiting my gasp to a shaky, inaudible breathe.

I feel my arms being strapped down on a smooth, ice cold object, most likely a chair, by a rougher, stiffer but just as cold object. Rope.

I feel my feet also being fastened but to the legs of the chair.

What's happening?!?!

"Riki, calm down! It's okay, you're okay! Stay still!" I feel a sharp pain suddenly appearing on my wrist.

I struggle to move as I continue to shake. The pain, it's unbearable, much worse that what I'm used to.

I try harder and harder to get out of this blasted chair, but then I realised that I was chained to it. There wasn't any hope, so I just gave up. I wish it really were that easy.

My vision began to flash pictures, pictures of an odd place in the middle of no where, with one big room, the walls dyed a rusty red and the checkered floor splattered with crimson blood and another weird liquid that wasn't mixing that well with the thick, red substance.

Then there was one image. An image of me. The me from before. The me that was genuinely happy. The me that was too innocent for this wretched world. A me before he came back.

My vision once again is invaded by blackness, leaving no room for my thoughts. Just darkness. But then again, I'm used to only seeing that. Darkness is my new home, heck, it was my home long before. Darkness is my home before, now and forevermore.

I can never escape it. How foolish of me to think that I could.

The next thing I know, I feel a wet and freezing cold towel being laid on top of my head and a blanket covering my body.

"Are you alright miss?"

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A/N: Hi guys! I don't even know what I'm doing with this book anymore. It took a very unexpected but sad and dark turn. Before you leave this book thinking 'oh, this is another emo book', yes, but I'm trying to turn it happy again. The problem is I can't just suddenly flip the mood, so I'm gradually fixing it to be a bit more lighthearted.

PLEASE READ!! IMPORTANT!

Anyways, I have a question:
Do you like the book?

I'm so sorry for people who genuinely like this book, but I think it's really sad and I'm thinking of maybe discontinuing it or putting it on haitus for a bit...

I have ideas, thank you seiko20 for helping me out there, but the problem is I can't find the words to put that idea, I don't know how to say this, alive. I don't know how to make the readers feel my writing. I feel like my writing isn't good enough for you guys' praise and I thank you guys who like my book and my writing style, it means so much to me but... I don't feel like I'm good enough.

ON ANOTHER NOTE:

I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY AND I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE CHAPTER EVEN A LITTLE BIT! IM SO VERY SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG TO COME OUT!
LOVE YOU GUYS!

-Signing Out!^^