Eat

Here it comes.

This letter type are her dark voices by the way.

+ I have nothing against Chris in real life.
—
Okay, so I pushed him away and then I went home. Chris agreed to go to dinner with me, Patrick and Jillian. He did that because he thought I had to show self control. So I'm fucked. I don't want to see Patrick anymore. He just want me to gain weight and then laugh at me. No way that's going to happen.

I walk in and spot Chris. "Hey babe." I walk over to him and give a kiss.

"Mhmm Hey, you look beautiful today." He smiles and rubs my back. He was the one introducing me to anorexia and bulimia. I fell in love with it the second he suggested it. He said I would be so pretty, and that's all I wanted to be. Pretty and skinny. I'll achieve that. I will..

"Thanks." I smile a bit and do a small spin. "Hey, I'm going to walk the dogs real quick alrighty?"

"Yeah that's okay." He smiles. "Don't come back in the next 15 minutes or else you know what happens.. Also how was work?"

"Uh.. Patrick tried to get me to eat. And I know.. I'll make 30 if I can." I grab the leashes and whistle. The dogs run to me and look so happy to see me again. I really don't come home that much. It's boring. In the trailer I have things to do. I can do wayyyy more workouts.

"Okay.." He smiles and gives me an other kiss. "See you in a bit." I smile and walk out with the dogs. I like these kind of moments tho. Just walking on the road I always walk on. Not really many people know about this road. It's like heaven for me. No one is there to judge me. Just me and the dogs.

Sometimes when I feel like it, I let the leash off the dogs, and start running with them. They're trained so they'll always follow me. But today is not that kind of day. It's not a good day. I can't believe he tried to pull something off like that. Asshole.

Suddenly I get a message. It's from my manager.

Ellen,

You have an interview tomorrow to discus the rumors. Be there at 4. See you then.

D

Oh great. Now I have to lie again. But, then people will know I'm fine and then they won't put me on a feeding tube. Ha.

After almost 30 minutes, I return home. I walk in and see Chris isn't home. Strange. I look at the note he written and it basically say that he got called to go back to work and he'll be home later. Alright, not that I mind. Sometimes I just like to be alone.

I look through the fridge and see a tub of ice cream. I stare at it for a second. Mhm.. I can eat it. If I make it in time I can purge it. Mhm okay. I shrug and take the ice cream and sit down.

I begin to eat it, enjoying every second of it, knowing that it'll be puked out anyway. I finish it and lean back. My stomach hurts. Like a lot.

I don't care. It'll be out in a second. I walk up and hover over the toilet. My fingers up in my throat. There is goes. All in the toilet.

Ice cream is the nicest thing to purge on, it just flows out and done. I lean against the wall for a second and smile. This is actually too easy. I'll be skinny in no time.

I start the shower and get in it. After the shower I do my nightly self care and get into my bed. I love my life, I really do. I just wish Chris and I would do something. We never had real sex. We only blew each other because he says it's my reward when I hit the skinny enough mark. When that is, I don't know. I'm just waiting for it.

I close my eyes, all I see is Patrick's face. He looked sad. He really did. He didn't want to hurt me. Yes. Yes he does. Yeah.. actually. He does.
—
The next morning I get up at 12 pm. Yes I slept in because I called in and said I didn't feel good and that I was going to see if I could go to the interview. That's a lie. I'm just not ready to face Patrick. That son of a bitch.

Chris came home after a while. It was late but he did. He's still asleep, because he stayed up so late.

I pull the covers up and tuck him more in. I give a small kiss on his head and walk down.

I do my daily routine, wash my face, brush my teeth and eat an apple. Also drink a lot of water. That's my thing. Water, it fills so much, bloats me tho, but makes me less hungry, also 0 calories. Luckily haha.

I feed the dogs and look outside for a bit. It's actually very nice weather. I smile and walk outside, glancing at my pool for a second. Oh I'm going swimming for sure. I peel my clothes off and jump in. Oh I love the feeling of it.

Before I realized it, it was already 3:20 pm. I quickly get out and get ready. Chris was awake already, working at his computer. I give him a kiss and quickly get in the car and drive to the studios.

When I arrive it's 3:55 pm. I park and run inside. Bad idea to do. Trust me. Someone says all the questions that they'll ask meanwhile the make up team do a touch up.

These are all dumb questions to be honest. But they're all true. I have enough excuses.

When I get called up I look in the mirror first. They gave me a dress that hugs my curves. God. I look so fat. I just want to rip it off and run away. But no. I have to show I'm okay.

I walk on stage and they start clapping. Why, for a fat bitch like me?

I sit down and look at the interviewer and smile.

"Hello everyone, today we are here with Ellen Pompeo, head actress of the hit show Grey's Anatomy, how are you Ellen?"

I smile, of course I do. That's how I show I'm fine. I am fine. I really am. "I'm good Lucas, how are ya?" I smile again.

"I'm good" He smiles too. Ah the smiling game. That's so funny. They think I smile because I like it, I really don't. Stop caring and let me do whatever I want. I'm fine. "So there are rumors going on that the cause of you turning skinnier is because of an eating disorder, is that true?"

I laugh. "Of course that's not true." I shake my head and look back at him. "I'm really fine, I am. I just have a good metabolism, and I haven't ate that much lately due much work and a bit of stress."

"So you are saying you don't have an eating disorder?"

"I am." I nod with confidence. "Eating disordered are serious. I know the consequences. I don't have one, maybe a bit because the lack of food I ate lately due my work."

"You keep saying work, but the last episode was shot 2 weeks ago due to summer vacation?"

I fall silent for a second. Damn. They got me silent. I didn't prepare for that one. "Excuse me.." I quickly stand up. Like I said before, doing that is a really bad idea. Normally I would've just walked it off. But the apple really didn't do much. I fall flat.
—
Sorry if this chapter is a bit bad written, I was at my grandmas most part and didn't really focus on dialogue until the interview. I have a lot of ideas for this story, so keep holding on with Dempeo.