Eat

Happy birthday.. happy birthday to me.

Chris had to go somewhere. He was mad that I ate something else then a salad. I'm a disappointment. I so am. I get out of bed and look in the mirror again.

I really can't look at myself. My ugly self. Why do I have to. I don't deserve seeing myself. But the longer I stare into it, the more it hits me. No one wants me. No one needs me. Would.. they even care.

I'm getting crazy. I can't look away. The voices are right. They don't need me. No one does. I'm getting sick of it. I'm so done. I'm done with being a failure. I'm so done.

I kick the mirror to the ground. It makes just a big thump sound. -cmon.. fucking break- I grab a lamp and throw it on it. It breaks. Thank god. I quickly walk to the bathroom.

Shit. An other mirror on the cabinets. I try to break it, I have nothing. Now I'm getting angry. I push all my force on the cabinets and it falls straight to the ground. Breaking to a million pieces, if not more.

I walk to the bedroom again. I look around. The photos. Photos of Patrick. Photos of Chris. Photos with the cast. They all pretend to love me. They all did. Not even a single one didn't want to not make me eat. All sick fucks. Except Chris. Oh he's the only one who understands.

But he left me too.. he did. I throw them all on the floor. Fuck promises. Fuck the lies they told. I don't deserve this shit. I don't deserve life. I run to the garage and search around. Rope.. found.

Now the problem is with being rich is that, you have fucking high ceilings.

I look around and finally see it. My balcony. Perfect. I grab a pen and paper and start writing quickly.

Sorry
I'm sorry Chris
Sorry I disappointed you. I'm sorry baby I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ate. I shouldn't have. It's disgusting. I'm sorry, I'm done.. I'm so done with this all baby. It's all my fault. Move on. It's okay. I'm done. Take care of the dogs. They love you.

Ellen.

I stare a bit at the paper. I have so much more to say. So much. I could write books with all I want to say. But it's too late for that.

I tie the rope and stand on the edge. Okay this could go 2 ways. I break my neck and die instantly or hang for a few minutes. Eh, whatever. It should be over fast.

"Happy birthday to me.." I sang softly. "Make a wish.." Oh I wished, I wished I was just dead. So, what's stopping me.

Nothing. I let myself fall. There I hang. Well it's definitely the second thing that could've happened. I hang and choke.

  —

Patrick

  —

Shonda looks distressed. She got a phone call in the middle of the meeting we got, now that Ellen is gone. She just left and took her stuff. She really cut off every kind of contact. Banned us from her property.

Shonda walks over to me, now I see the true hurt in her eyes. From far it looked like stress, from close its pure pain.

"Ellen.. she hung herself"

—
I had this chapter prewritten. Sorry if it's short. It's late for me so I don't know if I'll post the new chapter today. Stay safe babes!
-Lizzie 💫