buzzcut season

6.

It's Thursday when I finally step foot back in my apartment. Mal is on the couch on her computer when she looks up at me, surprised.

"Your hand," she says putting her computer down and rushing over to me. "What did you do?

"Nothing," I hiss, pulling my hand away from her grasp.

"Nothing? You don't have to talk to me but Koda you did something to it, it's in a... cast thing?"

"I fractured some stuff."

"Seriously Koda? This is the second time now! You're going to seriously damage your hand."

I shrug and walk around her.

Surely I can return back home but that doesn't mean I have to talk to her.

"Koda," she follows me into my room.

"Mal," I grunt turning to her. "Just leave it."

She stares at me with a pity look before sighing. She then leaves, shutting the door behind her.

I change into comfier clothes before sitting on my windowsill where I can look over the city. I lean my forehead against the glass and stare off for a bit.

The glass is cold but I ignore it as I watch the world below me.

I wonder if anyone could see me up here.

I leant back after a while and stared at the wall. I'm quite tired of things.

Tired and bored.

Maybe that's where drugs and alcohol comes in. To make things fun. Or maybe they make things more bearable.

I've probably never sat down with my mom one on one in my life. Many times as my father sat me down for us to talk but it's never been for good reason.

In fact, if he wanted to talk to me I was actually scared. He never called me to his office for a friendly chat.

That sounds pathetic. Like my house was a school. He called me to his office where I'd sit down and daydream as he went on about the embarrassment and disappointment I'd become.

I always ignored him and let my eye wander around his office. I rarely went in there.

I hear Mal's show in the other room. One of the characters shriek.

I'm bored.

I want to grab my cigarette pack and head outside.

Maybe I'll call Cam.

Nah.

I decide on the cigarettes.

Getting up from the windowsill I grab a hoodie. After exiting my room I enter the kitchen where a bottle of Jack Daniels sits on the counter.

I quickly take a sip before slipping my shoes on and heading outside. This time Mal doesn't attempt to talk to me.

When I make it outside the air is cold.

It's cloudy and gloomy and the sun has started to set a bit earlier.

I sit down on the steps, light a cigarette and watch people scramble to get places.

Men in business suits speed walking in hopes to miss the rain. Women about my age walking in groups, too busy giggling and smiling to be concerned with the cars around them.

I sit there forever, just taking drags of my cigarette and watching people run around.

How entertaining.

Finally I drop my cigarette and stomp it out. I make my way back upstairs, startling Mal a bit when I enter.

As I walk past her she pauses her show and turns around on the couch to face me.

"Koda."

I ignore her.

"Koda look at me."

"Frick," she snaps. "I fucked up okay? But you can't just ignore me. It's been nearly a week of you just ignoring me."

I turn to face her and cross my arms.

"Look I'm sorry. I don't care if Luka doesn't apologize cause in the end he doesn't matter. He left and we stuck together," Mal gets up and walks towards me. "Look Koda, I'm sorry. I really am."

I frown at her.

By now all the anger has left. I'm not really sad anymore either, more or less just annoyed.

"It's not even what you did. It's that you lied to my face the next morning. Especially because something that upsets me so much."

She knows how much it upset me when he left. Even now my only real friend I trust is Mal. If I can even trust her anymore.

"I was drunk. I wouldn't ever of done that sober. I wasn't thinking and I really regret it."

"Are you still talking to him? And don't lie."

"Yes Koda, we both fucked up. If you can forgive me, you can forgive him."

"Now you're defending him?" I turn to go to my room.

"You need to stop be a child! You can't stay mad at people. Talk to him, find out his reasoning."

I can't believe she's defending him. I'm her best friend! He just left us, and for no reason. He basically admitted the other day in this apartment.

"You want me to forgive you and not be mad but all you do is defend him and act as if I'm in the wrong."

"Okay well him and I are friends now so you're going to have to find some way to deal with him being around the apartment."

"You're such a brat," I say. I really don't mean it but I react to things with anger too often. I even fought off the urge to say bitch but I really wouldn't mean that. I may be pissed at her but I'm not that much of an ass.

Her face expression shows she's a little upset with me but I just turn around and enter my room.

I flop onto my bed and whip out my phone to cal Kate.

"You've been gone only an hour," Kate greets.

"I need a distraction so I don't behead your sister."

"You two at least talking?"

"Well yeah we talked."

"How'd that go?"

"At first she was apologetic but then she turned it around on me and called me immature for not being okay with her being friends again with Luka."

"Her and Luka are friends again?"

"Yes. I think it's dumb but maybe she's grown a bit of a crush on him. She was also defending him."

"You're probably right. A boy giving her attention? God, she's attached to them in seconds. One of many side of affects of having, basically, an absent father," Kate sighs. "Anyway. I can't really talk now. Talk to you later though okay?"

"Yeah okay," I sigh and she hangs up. Leaving me in the dark to stare up at my ceiling.

At times like this it really sucks I don't have a hobby. I get bored a lot. I used to be on every sports team there was in high school but I slowly got myself kicked off each and every one.

I decide to go to the gym. It's not that late and I haven't been in a bit.

I leave my room, grabbing my gym bag and walking as quickly as I can past Mal. She's found her way back onto the couch.

"Bye Koda," she says without looking up.

I ignore her.