buzzcut season

24.

I flop onto my back on my bed. Elle is already laying down and groans.

We got back from the double date with Phoenix and Amra a bit ago. It was fun but boring.

Fun if you're thirty years old and need time away from your kids to hang with your girlfriends and drink wine. None of that applies to me so yeah I was bored shitless.

In fact, I probably looked incredibly rude, trying to subtly text Luka from under the table.

Lately we've chatted a lot.

I haven't spoken to Mal since the party. I don't know if she even knows Luka and I are talking.

Funny how I'm mad at them for doing what I'm doing right now. I disappeared and came back to be secretly talking to one of them.

"You were smiling at your phone all dinner, it was a little rude," Elle says confirming my thought. "Who were you even texting?"

"An old friend," I say.

"Does this old friend have a name."

"Yes."

"Okay," she rolls onto her side to face me. From the large window behind me, the city lights illuminate her face a bit. "Do I get to know their name."

"Luka."

"Luka? Like you old best friend Luka?"

"Yes that Luka."

"Are you two friends again?"

"I guess, yeah."

"What about Mallory?"

"Mal. Well I don't know. I think that needs more time."

"What did she do?"

"Nothing important."

"Hm," she says dropping the subject. Mal would keep pressing.

After a while I can hear Elle's faint inhaling and exhaling signalling to me she's fallen asleep.

I lay bored out of my mind.

It's really only just past midnight. Had I not just hung out with Phoenix at a stupid dinner for however long, I'd call her.

I stare up at the ceiling. Elle falls asleep quick and almost never do we stay awake talking.

She's one of those people you never argue with because she's just chill with everything.

I love her but I'm bored. I'm always bored. Going to school, meeting up with Elle, going to school, Elle, school, Elle... and so on.

This past week has been the best of two years despite all the stress of seeing all these people again. It's changed boring routines. I like getting all nervous going to see someone or as bad as it is, arguing. Mal and I always argued, but in a healthy way.

Same with Luka and I. Always arguing. Myah and I could never get along. We could agree with something but she'd change her opinion just to disagree with me and "mix things up".

One thing I miss was the freedom. Getting up and leaving at three am when I couldn't sleep to go no where. Mal never slept so usually we'd sit in one of our rooms and chat till the sun rose. With this new life I never do those kinds of things. I have classes and things, I don't have time to have no sleep.

I sit up abruptly.

I can't handle this any longer. I'm starting to go insane.

I hop off the bed deciding I'd go find a coffee shop somewhere that's open. It's only midnight.