Path To Retaliation (Fighter's Den, #2)

Chapter 18 - Avery

One month later...

"Surprise!"

"Holy fuck!"

The excited faces of fifty something people immediately morph into expressions of confusion, amusement, or disappointment. I guess my reaction wasn't exactly ideal? Not that I could help it. I hate surprise parties. Who the hell thinks "how wonderful!" when you enter the sanctuary of your own space only to find it dark and full of people you mistake as robbers and killers? Weird.

"You'll have to forgive her." James speaks up and emerges from the middle of the crowd, decked out in party poppers and a sparkly hat. I snort and quickly cover my mouth to contain my laughter before I make any more enemies. "She hates surprises."

"So, why did you plan a surprise party for her?" Kelly, a co-worker of mine asks, her question laced with amusement.

"Because she's most likely to remember me if I did something she hates."

At that I'm unable to hold my laughter any longer. I walk to James with arms stretched out and engulf him in an enthusiastic hug that he returns. Over the past few months he has undoubtedly become my best friend here. Despite our hookup in the beginning, our relationship since has been strictly platonic. I've confided in him about Cameron and the gist of what I went through in my past and he even convinced me to get over my inability to go to a therapist just because I'm training to become one. He'd taught me to think of it as a learning experience so I can make my career even stellar in the future. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have had the chance to heal. I didn't realize how broken I was until I burst into tears as soon as my first session started. All my therapist asked me was how my day went.

I've come a long way since. I'm now able to talk about my past, talk about my father, and talk about Cameron without feeling like someone's making a five course meal out of my heart. In a way, receiving therapy has taught me more than my training program and I'm eternally grateful to James for helping me take that step. I know everyone back home would adore him. He's honest, kind, and crazy smart. The first time I told him about what happened between Cameron and I , he took his side. I was aghast. He told me he understood where Cameron was coming from and he made a mature and rational decision, that if neither of us had the chance to heal separately we would've destroyed each other by staying together. It was a truth I wasn't ready to hear and I didn't speak to him for over a week but when I finally showed up at his door step drunk and crying he let me in with a kind smile.

And I get it now. Why Cameron did what he did. We'd both been living with our own demons for so long and it worked for us because our inner turmoil wasn't directly affecting anyone. But if we got into a relationship, something that required us to share our darkest and deepest pieces, that definitely would've affected us. Relationships require intimacy and unhealed hearts would have done more harm than good. I can only hope that Cameron has healed the way I have and that when I go back to Boston in a couple of months, we'll both be better than ever and ready to give things a shot.

My therapist recommended we should start over at the beginning: friendship. I'd told him that Emily let me know at one point that Cam was also getting therapy. My therapist said we'd probably seem like completely different people to each other when I returned to Massachusetts even though we were exactly the same and that rediscovery would be a huge part of our lives no matter what kind of relationship we established; platonic or more. I think he's right. And at this point I miss his friendship more than anything. Of course I yearn for the possibility of truly being with him but even while we were together it was like being with my best friend. That's what made me love him so much, love what we had together. I just want to be his friend; to know that I can talk to him about my day and share my fears and dreams and anything in between. To joke with him and laugh with him and cry with him.