Through his lens

Bend it like Beckham

Screeching of tires and bright flashing headlights jolted me awake. I was drenched head to toe in sweat with the echo of screaming ringing in my ears. This is how I've been waking up pretty much every night for weeks. I just prayed I hadn't woken up the whole house by screaming out loud.

I reached over to the bedside table to grab my phone and read the time. 6:03am. Ok that's not too bad, I lasted pretty much the whole night which was an achievement. Sighing in defeat I pushed myself out of bed, throwing my pyjamas on the floor and pulling my running leggings and top on. I quickly brushed my teeth, trying to ignore the haggard look that was staring back at me in the mirror and threw my hair into a pony tail.

I hoped Lindsay and Simon wouldn't mind me leaving the house at this time of the morning. They've been putting on a pretty good brave face but I know they're worried about me. Every so often they give me a look like they're staring at a precious fragile ornament on the edge of a cliff, waiting for me to slip over the edge and crack into a million pieces. So far though I've done pretty well at staying rooted to the spot.

Running always clears my head when I've got a lot going on and you can't beat the feeling of your feet pounding on tarmac as if every step is pushing a stressful thought away. Plus, it helps the restlessness. 

Marley poked his head up as I came down the stairs, his tail wagging in excitement at getting a friend this early in the morning.

Marley was the households Labrador. He literally looked like the dog out of Marley and me and I already told everyone that I wasn't that impressed with their lack of imagination over his name.  

I would take him out with me but I wasn't too sure on Lindsay's schedule. As far as I knew she quite like taking him out for his morning stroll and I didn't want to get in the way of anyone.

I gave him a loving pat on the head. 'Not today bud.' 
I was about to leave the house when I realised I probably should leave a note. I had my phone with me if they wanted to get a hold of me but I didn't want them to think I'd gone missing. I quickly scribbled a note on the shopping list pad attached by a magnet to the fridge and vacated through the front door.

It was already pretty mild outside, the sky a deep shade of purple as the sun was starting to rise. I took a deep breath in still not used to the dusty smell in the air here. At home the air smelt like damp and leaves but here it was a strange heat smell.

I used to run a lot back at home. Not so much in London because it was way too busy and chaotic there but when were we back in Surrey it was an everyday occurrence. We had some land behind our house and a lake so I used to make my way out there on a crisp morning to help clear my mind. Obviously, my stresses back then seem stupid to me now in comparison.

On the odd occasion my dad would come out for a run with me. Those were the best days. He was always so busy with work obligations as he was a politician. I didn't get to see him a lot because his days were so packed but when I did that time was precious. 

He always used to say how he hated being away from his girls so much and I hated it when he'd leave on a Monday morning knowing I'd have to wait till Friday night to properly spend some time with him again. When he was home though he was the best dad in the world.

Right now, with my feet pounding on the pavement even though I was thousands of miles away it was hard not to be reminded of him. I could feel my vision going blurry but I angrily pushed back the tears. I knew if I started it would be like a floodgate and I didn't want to have a break down in the middle of a housing estate in California. 

After what didn't feel like long enough, I decided to head back. I still didn't know the area that well here yet so I stuck to a loop that I knew I wouldn't get lost on. 
When I eventually ran back up the driveway, I could see the majority of the lights on in the house signaling that they were awake.