Through his lens

I'm falling in love with you- part 1

I slept in my own bed thanksgiving night. No not slept, I was wide awake most of the night too busy staring up at the ceiling trying not freak out. In the morning Harrison asked why I hadn't come down to the basement like the other nights. I blamed it on being exhausted from an amazing day but that wasn't quite the truth. I didn't want to admit it but what my sister had said had bothered me. It bothered me a lot.

On the flight home I sat next to Taliah again. She chatted to me the whole flight home, too busy with her ramblings to notice I was only nodding and agreeing in the right places. My mind was elsewhere.

I'd made a promise to myself all those weeks ago that I wouldn't get too comfortable here. This was supposed to be temporary. I couldn't stay with Gran as she could hardly care for herself and I didn't have any other family. Moving to America was supposed to be a way to kill time until I was 18 and free to make my own choices. I'd been cold about it all forgetting that I am not one of those people that can easily shut their feelings off. I've gotten comfortable. Everyone here has gradually become people I want to stay in my life for as long as possible but that wasn't supposed to be the plan. That makes it harder to go through with eventually going back home.

The whole flight home I thought about how I'd come to a crossroad in mine and Harrison's relationship. I could either bow out now or continue full steam ahead. Thing was me being indecisive in nature meant a lot of the time my hourglass ran out of sand before I'd made up my mind.

The weekend we were back in California Harrison wanted to hang out with me. I used the excuse of needing to catch up on homework which he believed without reason not to. The first Monday back at school he texted me throughout the day only getting one-word answers from me as a reply. He wanted to know what I was doing after school but I told him I had to go to the library. I sat there long after everyone had gone home trying to kill time before I was satisfied that it was safe now.

It was on Tuesday that he confronted me. I was walking into school with Taliah and had made it all the way to the front steps when I saw him waiting by the front entrance. He looked up just as I noticed him and nodded for me to come over. Knowing there was no way of getting passed him without talking I said goodbye to Taliah and walked up the steps.

'Have I done something wrong?'

'What? Of course not, no.' I made out like that was the most insane thought ever but I couldn't meet him in the eye.

'Do you regret what you told me?' This broke my heart. I hated what I was doing to him and I felt like a bitch, but this was my coping mechanism.

'No.' I said adamant. That was one thing I was sure on.
'I've just been a little distracted lately.' I didn't mean to seem distracted but it's hard not to when there's several things constantly running through your mind.

'Ok..I just feel like you've been avoiding me.'

'I haven't been intentionally.' Lie. 'I've just been worried about my physics test that I have on Friday.' Not a lie.

Thankfully his expression softened.
'Don't worry about it. You know as long as you try your hardest that's all that matters.' He wrapped his arms around my shoulders as his kissed the top of my head.
'I can always help you study if you like?'

I didn't deserve him. He was too good for me, whereas here I was being selfish. Somehow, I managed to make it to Friday without making a decision. At this point my friends were noticing I was acting strangely too. They tried to involve me in conversations but I wasn't listening and ending up saying the wrong thing when they looked at me expectantly. I noticed them glancing at each other but they didn't immediately say anything. When they eventually questioned it, I blamed the physics test. I don't think I managed to convince the girls but they didn't say anything, only words of comfort that they would help me pass.