Desperately

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"Please, don't go. We just got married." I pleaded.

Jian poured his gaze on me with helpless eyes. I knew there was nothing I could do to make him stay, and his answer will be a definite no, but it doesn't hurt to beg. Especially when one is as desperate and as heartbroken as I am.

"You know I can't send any more of my people to fight this war. I must go, I must fight, I must lead my own men myself."

"But you are the crown prince! You are the future of this kingdom, you can't risk your life for this senseless war!" I retorted, my voice broke as I continued my tireless beg.

"He Lian..." He crooned. "Please, don't do this. Don't make this harder than it already is. I don't want to go, but I don't have a choice." He reached for my waist and pulled me into his lap. Jian kissed the soft curve of my shoulder, my neck, my cheek, working his way to my lips, but I turned my head as he got closer, avoiding his lips. I knew it was childish to act this way but, I'm also very upset.

Jian cupped my chin and made me turn back to him. He kissed my lips softly, apologetically. My husband was being intimately sweet tonight. "I promise once I get back, I will spend every waking hour with you. We will be inseparable. I will make up for those lost time, lost memories, and lost...sex."

Hardly the right time for him to seduce me.

"What if you don't come back?" I moaned with distress.

"Don't say that, don't even say anything like that!" His voice took a sharp reprimanding tone.

"I worry, I'm sorry."

"And you have the right to do so." His hand pressed on my belly feeling for that warmth, that small speck of life that's growing inside me. It had only been a few weeks since we got married, and it's too early to tell, but we were sure we conceived once we consummated our marriage. I felt it in my bones, the way my body adjusted. The heaviness in my muscles, the tightness, the ache, the tiredness, nausea...My erratic hormones. "I wouldn't want you raising our child alone."

"Jian, this is difficult."

"I know."

"Please, don't leave."

"I can't. You know I must leave at dawn." His voice was tired and empty. It was late at night, we were both tired. Jian tired from the endless stress suffocating him due to this war. While I was simply tired a lot lately. I fell asleep on his arm. My head rested on the hollow crook of his neck. He didn't move for a long time as he enjoyed this form of intimacy before he leaves for the morning.

Then, he picked me up, his arms beneath my legs. My husband carried me to the bed we share and fell asleep beside me.

After a few hours, I felt his idle fingers stroked my hair. I lifted my eyes open, barely seeing his face. Jian was a blur with his face so close to mine. It was still dark outside, and the breeze passing from the window was crisp and chill. I knew it was time, Jian had woken me up to say goodbye.

Was it morning already?

He leaned to kiss my forehead, but I reached for his face and kissed his lips instead. I couldn't kiss my husband enough. Tears flowed from my eyes, too upset to stop them.

He groaned and sprawled his fingers on my back, Jian rolled on top of me spreading me beneath him. His lips parted mine and kissed me deeply.

He made it feel like the world was moving so fast and I was getting left behind. Helpless as I was unable to do anything to keep my husband by my side. I was in mourning, desperate to hold on to him, afraid to lose him.

This could be our last goodbye for a while. I might not see Jian for a long time. There's no telling how long my husband will be gone, or if he even comes back at all.

"I will miss you." My voice broke as he devoured my breath in his mouth.

"I will miss you desperately, my He Lian." I felt that desperation in his voice as his kiss deepened, and as his body hardened, pushing hard against me.

Jian spread my legs and wedged inside me, he filled me up slowly, then changed the rhythm once he's inside. He feasted on me while my fingers dug into his head, feeling that silken smoothness of his long raven hair – that dangled and curtained my face so beautifully. My husband looked so angelic at break of dawn, with the sun and the moon shining their light on him.

I moaned his name, Jian had been both relentless and gentle. He kept going, making this moment memorable and last forever, stopping only when I groaned and shuddered, pulling him deeper inside me. Jian thrust a single splintering force as he joined me in our blissful climax.

We were both spent, our sweat, our scent mixed in together. He let himself fall on top of me while we both catch our breaths.

"I must go." He moaned into my ear with heartbreaking softness and I don't know how else to respond to him.

"I love you, Jian." I murmured, that was all I could mutter as I let him go without a choice.

He kissed me for the last time and slid out of me, pushing himself up. He stepped off the bed and wiped juices of our love. Jian got dressed and admired me tenderly. "I love you very much, my princess."

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