WHITE DWARF • THE 100

23

SURVIVAL PAIN

She stalked through the gates of camp, hands deep in her pockets and eyes trained on the ground. In that moment, she wished that she hadn't cut her hair a few years ago, yearning for a shield to hide behind. She was exposed.

"Cassie," Jay pranced up to her, practically buzzing with excitement. "I think I've found a new type of flower. It's gorgeous! I didn't have the heart to pull it out of the ground, you know, because it'd wither and die, but now I'm regretting it since I'm starting to forget little things about it. Octavia promised to take me back every day, isn't that amazing?"

Jay patiently awaited her sarcastic reply, followed by a loving smile or clap of the shoulder. She didn't speak at all, her head still turned to the ground. "Cassie?"

She shook her head, lifting it and weakly smiling at him. "Sorry, I was in a bit of a daze."

Jay blinked. Her eyes had vibrant veins running across the white, a red tinge making her brown iris seem brighter. Her lower lip was riddled with rips, blood weeping from some of them pitifully. Her hands were shaking.

"Cassie, are you okay?" Jay leaned closer, his heart aching to see her like this. He hesitated, then slowly brought himself closer to her. She frowned at him, frozen in place. Cassie didn't do anything as he carefully draped his arms around her neck, standing on his tip toes and leaning close into her body. The sudden heat made Cassie flinch. Yet she let him hold her.

He remained there, Cassie's arms dangling awkwardly at her sides as he held her tighter. "You do realise that you're meant to hug me back?"

His voice was barely audible, his words being lost in the layers of clothing his mouth was pressed against. Cassie didn't respond, the heat of his body taking over. It felt like a warm fire on a cold winter day, relieving numb limbs of the bitter frost. The smoke from the fire was choking her - a part of her wasn't comfortable with Jay being this close. Only her parents had hugged her before, and her. Anyone she held in her embrace she ended up disappointing.

Cassie shrugged him off, not looking. She had to force herself to keep walking forwards, knowing that if she turned around she'd see his crest fallen face, and her gut would clench. She'd impulsively run back over and wrap him in an embrace, taking a moment to memorise his comforting scent.

Clarke's hateful words echoed in her head. You know that if he decides not to be your friend anymore he'd have people but you'd be left all alone. She had to hold back her flinch. The words tore into her flesh again, sending a fresh wave of agony through her body. She was right.

Cassie embraced the pain, allowing it to become a part of her.

She needed that pain to survive. She needed that pain as a reminder of not to let people too close - something she hadn't had an issue with until Jay. Poor, naive Jay. He was too good for her. And she knew that's why it hurt to think of him lying where Wells was.

"I just need some water, okay?" A teenagers voice piped up, annoyance lacing his tone. Cassie's ears perked up, her feet taking her in the direction of the voice. Her heart started racing, her fists clenching involuntarily.

A fight was brewing, and she wasn't going to let the opportunity pass to let off some steam.

Cassie reached the boy just as water splashed over the front of him. He cried out, cursing his opponent. She had an inkling who was behind it, seeing Murphy standing over him with an empty bucket in hand.

She smirked.

"Do I need to give you a black eye every time you're a dick?" Cassie cracked her knuckles, giving Murphy a small shove. He stumbled back, whipping his head in her direction. "I've kicked your ass once, you know for sure I can do it again."