WHITE DWARF • THE 100

20

BARRIERS BETWEEN US

"Again." 

Cassie gasped for breath, sweat dripping down her back. Her shirt was clinging to her, and now she was regretting ever having agreed to train with Astrid. Her heart was hammering in her chest, the beat matching the pulse of the pain blaring in her side. Even after two weeks, her side still didn't feel normal. Not that Astrid or Aidan knew that. 

"Can we have a break?" Cassie nearly begged, swiping a hand over her sweaty forehead. Astrid shook her head, raising her fists in front of her again, signifying another round. "If I pass out, it's your fault." 

"We warned you." 

Cassie shrugged the comment off. She settled into her fighting stance, her feet wide spread and shoulders squared. Her fists were clenched tightly, her thumb nestled inside and the panels of her fingers flat. Just glancing at her colourful knuckles made her want to weep. 

Astrid stared at Cassie. She moved with a predatory grace, moving almost silently. Circling Cassie, she kept her fists close to her chest. She was goading Cassie, begging her to let her be the one to let her fist fly. 

Cassie learned not to repeat that mistake again when her back hit the ground the first time. 

From the sidelines, Aidan cheered. "C'mon girls! I want to witness the birth of a legend!" 

He sat idly on one of the tables lining the ring. He had insisted that they use the Pit to train today, so that Cassie could get adjusted to the space whilst learning the moves. All it had done so far was make her realise just how under prepared she was to join the world of underground fighting. 

She made her first mistake then. 

Cassie turned to let a witty remark slip past her lips when it happened. A sweeping leg brought Cassie to the ground. She slammed against the metal floor harshly. Her back screamed in pain, roaring at her to stop. An involuntary groan made it's way out of her mouth. Neither of the two adults moved to make sure she was okay. 

"Nice to see you guys care," Cassie gasped out. She let her head roll back, embracing the cool metal caressing her skin. It was nice to have a break, even if it had been just after she was knocked off of her feet. 

"This is the only way to learn. I can't tell you the amount of times I broke my thumb perfecting my right hook." Astrid shrugged, offering a hand out to Cassie. "Ready for another round?" 

Cassie swatted the hand away. She pushed herself up so she was sat up, staring at her. "I think I need a break." 

Astrid pursed her lips. Aidan coughed not so subtly. Shaking her head, Astrid gave in. "Fifteen minutes. But after that no more." 

"Thank god." 

Cassie scrambled to her feet, almost running to Aidan. She grabbed the water out of his offering hand, gulping down the contents greedily. Her body gratefully absorbed the liquid, the feeling rushing back into her limbs. After nearly emptying the bottle, she screwed the cap back on. 

"So how are your parents taking this?" Aidan asked, taking the bottle out of Cassie's hand and placing it behind him. 

Cassie collapsed next to him, huffing out a breathless laugh. "As if they know." 

Astrid snorted, joining the pair, sitting cross legged on the floor. "And how exactly are you explaining the bruises and cuts?" 

"Not convincingly, apparently." Cassie shrugged. "They're worried, and I don't blame them. But this is for the best." 

Astrid and Aidan just nodded. Cassie believed that they pretended to understand why she was there, why she was willingly letting herself be broken so she could be moulded into a more refined version of herself, yet she knew they didn't. She saw it in their sneaky exchanged glances and heard it in their hushed conversations. It made her want to tell them the reasoning behind her persistence, but when she finally mustered the courage to say something, something held her back. Maybe it was her subconscious warning her that it would be a mistake. Maybe it was because this was the only place where people spoke to her as Cassie, and not Cassie whose dad was in a wheelchair suffering from chronic pain. She knew it was selfish; she couldn't stop herself. It was refreshing. It was as if she wasn't the pitied girl, even for a moment, and it revived her. 

An awkward silence fell between the three of them. They were only allies for mutual benefit. It made times like these where the only noise was her laboured breathing extremely uncomfortable. She hoped that when Aidan suggested that Astrid train her, and him occasionally supervise, that it gave her a chance to experience the friendships she's long since been deprived. 

She was very wrong. 

This was merely a business deal. She guessed it was better this way. It made it easier to let the punches fly and the kicks swing; it still left her wanting something more. Maybe that was why she was desperate to fill the silence. 

"So how do you two know each other?" 

The pair exchanged a look. Aidan's jaw loosened as if he was about to spill the secrets of the past, but Astrid beat him to the punch. "That's a story that lasts longer than the ten minutes left of your break." 

"Sounds interesting." 

Aidan stifled a laugh, covering it subtly with a cough. "Yeah, interesting is one way to describe it." 

Astrid rolled her eyes. Nothing else was said on the matter. Cassie tried not to let it linger on her mind too long. It was clear that the two had some kind of history, a history that they wouldn't be quick to reveal to a stranger. They had experienced things together that Cassie couldn't even imagine. It just reminded her of another barrier separating her from them. 

All of a sudden she wasn't feeling like training today.

Cassie sprung to her feet, her head tilted down. "I'm not feeling too great. I'm just... I'm just gonna go." 

Cassie walked quickly, jumping over the tables and making her way towards the exit. 

"Wait!" Astrid shouted after her. Her footsteps could be heard slapping the metal floor. The sound made her want to turn around; she knew she couldn't. Her face would betray it all. "Are you going to give up just like that?" 

"I thought you didn't even want me here, guess this solves that problem." Cassie kept her gaze forward. She paid no mind to the steps behind her, only increasing her own. "I'm not giving up. I just don't feel great." 

A hand reached out for her arm. It brushed past it like a ripple in the water. "Are you coming back?" 

Cassie paused. Did she want to carry on? She shook her head. What she wanted didn't matter. What she needed was so much more important. 

"I'll be back." 

Cassie didn't wait to hear their response. She shouldered her way through the door and left them behind. She needed the distance now - she needed to remind herself physically what she wouldn't have with them. And the only way to do that was to walk away.