"How can you lose when you never stop fighting?"
Cassiopeia Walker-Simmons looked at her star from a tiny window in space her whole life. She never imagined that it'd be even more beautiful from the ground. Yet every time she gazed upon the dazzlin...
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ALWAYS WITH YOU
That night in the hospital was the last time she'd seen him smile. It was as if he was a roaring fire, having been reduced to nothing but embers. It broke her heart, seeing the weight in his face and the agony ripping out of him every moment of every day.
He was in constant pain, and there was nothing she could do it to help it.
Cassie tried being there. She tried sitting next to him, reading the poetry he had opened her eyes to, purposefully misreading it. She prayed that he would correct her. Each time, she was disappointed. He wasn't even paying enough attention to notice.
Ryan kissed him on the forehead every day. He held his hand through Callum's torturous screams, cooing and brushing his hair back. All Callum did was shrink away from his touch. Cassie hated seeing the dejected look on her dads face each time.
She didn't recognise her father anymore. All she saw was a broken man absorbed in his own pain.
His face no longer lit up when she was in the room. He no longer winked at Ryan when he thought Cassie wasn't looking. He no longer made terrible jokes, a shit eating grin on his face as he did so - Callum knew how bad they were. And that was what made them laugh even more.
All the things that made Callum the person she knew, were gone. She no longer saw the carefree man who loved everyone, but an empty shell. She wasn't even sure that was the right way to describe him - to be an empty shell, there needs to be a small something left.
It had all gone.
The bags under Ryan's eyes only grew darker. He was juggling work and looking after Callum, having to take on extra shifts to cover the medicine they couldn't afford. The lines in his forehead were growing deeper, and every time Cassie saw him, he seemed to be sighing.
Today, she saw something in Ryan she hadn't seen in a long time. Passion.
Not the kind of passion she wanted to witness.
"Callum!" Ryan snapped, snatching the TV remote from his hand. Callum didn't even react, his gaze still focused forward. Ryan said his name again, his hands grasping at Callum's shoulders. "Answer me, please!"
Silence.
Ryan searched Callum's face desperately, a last chance to see if something was left of his husband. The way his hands slid off of Callum's shoulders indicated the findings. He looked away, and she wasn't sure if the glistening in his eyes were tears or just a reflection of the light.
"It's like you're dead..." Ryan breathed out, a hitch in his voice. Cassie froze on the spot, unable to move from where she was at the table.
And for the first time in a long time, she heard Callum talk. With what he said, she regretted wishing for it. "It feels like it, Ryan."
There was no adoration in his voice, no sadness. Just a robot speaking a fact.
Ryan didn't look at his husband as he stormed out of the room.
Cassie hated how the words resonated within her. Ryan had spoken a truth that none of them wanted to admit - it felt like she'd been mourning her father for a long time when he was there all along. She hated how easy it was to do, how easy it was to give up on the man who had already given up on everything.
She wasn't going to give up that easily.
Cassie pushed her chair back. The screech of the legs scraping the floor fell on deaf ears, and she hopped off the seat with little difficulty. His head hadn't moved towards her; she still kept going. Cassie started walking towards her dad. The distance grew smaller between them; yet she felt so far away.
"Dad?" Cassie's voice squeaked out. It was the envy of a mouse.
She saw his eyes follow the sound of the noise. It was progress - she could work with that.
"Why don't you change that?"
Callum frowned. Cassie was now directly facing her father, and she could see the confusion written into his features. It was the first time she'd seen an expression other than pain on his face for a long time.
"Change what?"
She dropped his gaze. She knew she couldn't look him in the eyes as she spoke, knowing how the dad she knew would've hated how she heard the argument between him and Ryan, and how she heard his vulnerability. Sometimes, those you loved needed to be shocked into facing the reality.
"Why don't you try feeling alive?"
She could hear his heaving breaths. It was the only noise in the room for a long time. She feared what she'd see when she looked up.
Callum sighed. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his hand grip the bridge of his nose. She was especially thankful that her gaze was trained to the floor.
"It's not that easy, Cassie. I can't do that."
She was tempted to let her shoulders slump in defeat. To take his answer as final and not dispute it, to not remind him of how it may be hard, but it was achievable. She was tempted to drop the subject and never talk about it again; she couldn't let another member of her family fall apart.
Her voice was almost as small as she was. "Stop staring at the TV everyday. Walk me to class. Play the piano like you used to. Read poetry. Go through the gardens. Do anything. You might start to see life again -" her voice broke, a single tear dripping down her cheek. "Just please don't die. I love you, dad loves you and the stars love you."
Her gaze was still fixed to the ground. Her heart raced at the thought of lifting her gaze to see his crestfallen face, to see the utter disbelief marring his features. She wanted to remain ignorant to that, keeping her head down.
"Cassie?" A hand came into her sight. Her eyes slowly followed his hand, arm and finally reached his face. Her glassy eyes connected with his weighted ones, and yet something was different about his expression this time. She couldn't pinpoint it; it gave her hope.
"I'm always with you."
As if on command, the floodgates opened. A turret of tears streamed down her cheeks, an inhumane wail ripping out of her body. She didn't ask as she flung herself at Callum, clinging to his legs desperately, pushing her face into the fabric of his pants. His hand landed on her back, a familiar weight she hadn't felt so long.
She hadn't realised how much she missed it until she was back under his touch.
