My Journey: Keep You With Me (Book 3) ***COMPLETED***

November 20, 2012

URRGGGGGGHHH! Let me just start off with that....

So classes, skating blah blah blah. I'm starting to get cranky. Since the thing with Jesse, Ryan for sure has not been the same. I have no idea why and it's bothering me. When we had downtime, we didn't go to the island, we didn't spend much time laying around other than if we were watching tv or something, and we hadn't had very much sex... 

When Halloween came around, we had a party. I went as Nora from Step Up and Ryan went as Channing Tatum's character, Tyler. We were close that night, his arm tight around my waist and an occasional kiss on the forehead or cheek. I suspected it was just because there were people around. I took a moment away from Ryan to go to the kitchen. 

"Get me a snack?" He asked with a smile.

"Sure." He leaned down and kissed me lightly.

"Love you, remember that. I know I've been kind-of a dick." His eyes were serious.

"I know." I kissed him again and he smiled as I walked away. 

As I was standing at the counter, making a sandwich that I would give half to Ryan, I heard someone walk in behind me. "Jordyn."

I turned to look at a masked Jesse. "Get the fuck out of here." I said right away.

"I can't," he sighed.

"You walked in the front door, you can sure as hell can walk back out." I put a hand on his chest as he got closer. "Out, before Ryan finds out."

"I just wanted you to know how bad I-"

"I know Jesse, and I've already told you everything I have to say. Not get out before I get Ryan."

He frowned, "I'm more sorry than you know." I just glared at him until he sighed and nodded. He silently left the kitchen and I didn't see him the rest of the night. 

I sighed and turned back to the sandwich, cutting it in half. I took a bite of my half in frustration. I won't tell him now, it will only ruin the night. After I decided that, I put Ryan's half on a napkin and carried it out to him. "Thanks baby." He noticed my mixed mood, "are you okay? Did you cut yourself?" His eyes fell to my hand quick.

I smiled, "I'm fine." He put his arm around me and kissed my forehead. 

The next day, I woke up with my head on Ryan's arm. I sat up, knowing I'd have to tell him, but luckily it wasn't such horrible news... Though I guess Jesse did sneak into Ryan's house... My thoughts were pulled away from me when Ryan ran his hand up my bare back. "You okay?" Ryan asked softly.

"Yeah," I looked over my shoulder. "But I gotta tell you something."

He furrowed his brows and sat up, his hand still on my back. "What is it?"

"Last night, when I went to the kitchen, Jesse came in." I watched him sigh. "All he wanted was to say he was sorry. I told him to leave, had to tell him a few times but he left, no problem." 

He furrowed his brows and sighed again. "Again with Jesse coming up while we have no clothes on." He started to laugh and pulled me to him, "I'm glad you told me and I'm glad he left. Kinda pissed that he snuck into my house, but you couldn't have waited until I got dressed?" He laughed again and put his forehead against mine. 

"Sorry." I smiled. He smiled in response and kissed me, biting my lip in the process. "Hey," I laughed.

He smiled brighter and wrapped his arms and legs around me. "What?" He asked in a playful tone, kissing and biting my lip again. He laughed, "don't go to class today." He whispered before kissing/biting my neck.

"Mmmmm. I have to. Professor's don't get 'sick' days." I smiled as his eyes leveled with mine.

"You should get at least one." 

I laughed, "tell them that." He moaned as I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. "Love you." I called over my shoulder. 

"Maybe." He remarked. I stopped and turned to look back at him. I raised my eyebrow at him. He widened his eyes quickly then laid back, throwing the covers over his face. I shook my head and closed the door. 

November began and the days passed much the same. He would be weird then he'd be the incredible person I knew he was. It was like he was PMSing.... I don't even know. 

One Friday afternoon, after I was done at AMDA; I met Ryan and the boys at his warehouse. When I got out of my car, Dollar ran out to me. "Hey buddy." I picked him up and heard raised voices from inside. "What's going on?" I asked Dollar, then as I got closer, I could hear it was Ryan's voice who was raised. 

"...you think I would ever let that bastard influence my decisions?" Ryan growled at Tony. 

Casey and Shane were trying to calm Ryan down but he wasn't having it. As I got closer, I let Dollar go and saw Ryan's hand ball into a fist as they continued to exchange words. "Ryan." I grabbed his arm before he had a chance to do something with it. He looked at me with intense eyes. "What is going on?" I looked from him to Tony. Neither of them spoke so I looked at Shane and Casey. They kept their eyes on the ground. "No one? None of you 20-some year-old men know what the problem is?" I looked back to Ryan, he didn't make a sound as he turned and walked outside. I followed after then he stopped. "Ryan, what is going on? Tony is one of your best-friends!"

He sighed and turned to me. "I know," his eyes were sad. He leaned his head on my shoulder and said in a quiet voice, "I don't know why I did that. My mind has been racing with a shit ton of different thoughts that I don't even know what to tell you. I have no explanation for my jackass behavior." I put  my hand on the back of his head and the other grabbed his hand and wrapped his arm around my waist; both his arms moved together, encasing me in a cocoon. "I'm so sorry."

I lifted his head, "I think the main person you should be apologizing to is inside." He nodded and kissed me passionately. "I will always love you Ryan, whatever the problem is, it will pass."

He smiled, "thank you." Knowing what he meant I nodded. He hugged me close before walking back inside. I followed after slowly and watched as he walked over to Tony and talked for a bit. The conversation ended with a hug so I knew it'd be okay. Ryan grabbed his board and Dollar followed after as he walked over to me. "Dinner?" He asked.

"Absolutely." We went to eat at the BeachFire Restaurant Bar and Grill then went to the pier and watched the waves roll in. 

After that, I never thought he could get so angry at any of his friends. It was shock... 

Thanksgiving is coming up in a few days and we're spending it with Ryan's family. Soon it will be Christmas, his Birthday, and a New Year. I just hope that whatever is bothering him, goes away and he gets over it. I don't want whatever it is to eat away at him and affect his life entirely... I just want him to be happy, to smile everyday like he used to...

Night.