The Contest

Chapter 30

I sat in my moms room for the rest of the night. I just waited there. I read a book beside her bed. Around midnight, Evander found me.
"You must be exhausted." He said.
"Fear seems to keep me awake." I replied.
"I didn't see you at dinner."
"I had a big lunch." I looked back down at my book.
"Amberlyn what's wrong?" He asked me.
"Nothing." I answered.
"That's not true."
"I said I'm fine."
"Amberlyn-"
"Evander just let it go!" I yelled. He took a step back.
"What did I do?" He asked, his voice quiet.
"N-nothing." I muttered.
"Please talk to me...I love you." He said.
"I don't want to talk right now." I told him.
"Y-you didn't say it back." He muttered.
"I didn't say what back?" I asked.
"You've always told me you loved me. You didn't say it back." He said.
"Do I need to?" I asked.
"Amberlyn, I beg of you, please tell me what's wrong." He asked, coming to his knees, and placing a hand on my knee. I took a silent sharp breath in when he touched me.
"Nothing's wrong." I said. He looked at me sternly. "I promise." I said, placing a hand on his.
"I'm really going to miss you." He told me.
"You...don't have to. I'm not leaving." Evander sat a bit straighter.
"You're not? How come?"
"Archer saw my need for a place to stay. He offered to let me back into the Contest." I said.
"Oh!" Evander said, simply.
"You're not happy by that answer." I observed.
"Amberlyn we were going to get married." He told me.
"I know that, but I'm not letting my sisters and my brother live without a mother. Archer told me I could stay and that he wanted me back in the Contest. I'm sorry if you don't like that."
"Of course I don't like that! I have to share you again, and this time there's an even bigger chance of you never leaving! Do you know how much I've done for you? I've spent two years worth of savings on that ring. I chose to be a guard just so you would have a good life. I saved your damn life, Amberlyn!"
"Well maybe you shouldn't have! Maybe I should have just died!" I shouted at him.
"Maybe you should have!" He shouted back at me. The heart monitor squealed. I jumped up.
"Help! HELP!" I screamed, and nurses came running in.
"Stand back." One told me. I stepped back to the curtains.
"Clear." A shock ran through my moms body. Nothing.
"Again."
"Clear." Another shock. Nothing.
"One last time."
"Clear." I waited.
There are moments in life when things get really quick. They speed up and pass by you without you realizing. Then there are moments like these. When things slow down to where you can feel your heart beating through your entire body, and your head swims.
"Time of death, 12:35 AM." A nurse said. I don't think I felt myself hit the ground. I looked around for someone or something to indicate this was a dream. There was Evander, entirely real, watching from the curtains, his hand over his mouth. I saw people walking around, other patients sitting up in their beds to see what was going on. A lavender dress came in. I didn't look up to see who it was.
"Come on dear, let's get you some water." A soothing voice said. I nodded, and felt soft hands help me up.
"I can't...feel." I muttered.
"I know." The voice said. I sat in a chair, and took a cup from the voice. I looked over.
"Q-queen Fawna." I said.
"Shh. We'll save the formalities for now. Drink." She said, bringing the cup to my lips. I obeyed, really not feeling like there was any more I could do. "Archer told me you're staying. I think that's a good idea. We'll bring your brother up here, and if anything happens and you get eliminated, again, we will let you live with the help. You don't have to go anywhere. Archer cares for you, and all these girls, a lot, and I don't think he would want you to have to live alone." She said. I looked at the cup in my hands.
"I just feel cold." I said, not responding to her previous statement.
"I know."
"How?" I asked.
"My mother died too. When I was about your age. I had no other family. My Father left at a very young age. I have no siblings. Luckily I was here. Your mother took me in. She was like my sister. This is paining me too. Not as much as you, I'm certain, but it hurts." She said.
"When does it stop hurting?" I asked.
"It doesn't really. The hurt numbs you for a while. Hopefully you have someone who can distract you enough. The numbness eventually lightens up, but the hurt has done permanent damage to your heart."
"Oh."
"It's going to be okay, dear. Things do get better, I promise." She said. I nodded.
"I think you should go to your room. I don't want you to be alone, but you need to be somewhere comfortable." She said. "Do you want anyone in particular?" She asked.
"Harmonia." I said, without thinking. The Queen nodded.
"You finish the cup of water. I will have someone get her." She said. I nodded, and lifted the cup shakily to my lips. I watched as the nurses walked around. It was quiet. Not silent, but quiet. Like a house after everyone but your parents have gone to sleep. The Queen came back.
"Ready?" She asked. I nodded, but barely. I stood and followed her down the hallway.

~~~

The door opened into my room, and Harmonia sat on the bed.
"Ams." She said, and came over. I threw my arms around her, and she rubbed my back.
"It's going to be okay." She said.
"I-I know." I said, my voice shaking.
"She needs to sleep, but I don't want her to be alone. I was alone for too long after my mom passed, and it nothing good came out of it. I'm sure she's in good hands."
"Yes your Majesty." Harmonia said, still rubbing my back.
"I'll be going then. Amberlyn, dear, is there anyone you want me to tell about what has happened tonight?" She asked.
"Archer." I said. "He should know." Fawna nodded.
"Goodnight. Get some sleep." The door closed.
"Ams?" Harmonia asked. I began to cry. It wasn't huge. Just tiny sobs, mostly dry.
"It hurts Harmonia. It hurts so much." I said, through tears.
"I know." She said.
"I can barely breathe, my heart is pounding, I feel like it's all a dream." I said.
"I know." She said again.
"Stop saying that!" I yelled
"Amber-"
"You don't know! Your dad wasn't arrested. Your mom didn't die!" I sobbed. "You have a fiancé, you're both happy. You're with the person you love. You don't have to watch your siblings suffer, you don't know!" I shouted, sitting on the bed. Harmonia stood there, her eyes full of tears.
"I see." She said.
"I want her back. I want things back to the way they had been. I wish I had never joined this stupid contest. My father would still be here, my mom would still be alive." I said, rambling through my sobs.
"You wouldn't have Archer, you would be married to Evander, and would be unhappy the rest of your life." She said.
"I'm going to be unhappy no matter what!" I argued.
"You miss her. I know. You'll miss her for a long time. But I don't think you realize how this will get better. Things get better."
"I don't want things to get better, I just want things to back to normal and never have gotten worse in the first place."
"I know Ams. I know."