The Contest

Chapter 32

I looked down at the floor.
"What do you want Evander?" I asked.
"To talk." He replied.
"Talking and talking, that's all we ever seem to do."
"Amberlyn, what happened to us?" He asked. I shook my head.
"I don't know. Does that even really matter right now?" I asked.
"To me it does." He said.
"Evander, my mom died last night. You think I really care about this right now?" I asked. I sat on my bed and begged myself not to cry.
"Amberlyn, I love you. I miss you and I want you all to myself, but now I find out I have to share you with Archer. I want to be the way we were, and I want to be able to make you happy like I did. You're the only person here that really means anything to me Ber. You're the reason i am the way I am. I am where I am today because of you."
"Evander-" i said, my voice breaking. The stress was getting to me.
"Just keep listening. Can I explain to you why I want you so much?" He asked. I nodded. "Because of what I feel. You know how you love someone, and you feel the love in your heart? Well this love isn't just in my heart. It's everywhere. Every time you look at me, I feel butterflies in my stomach. Every time you talk to me, my head gets all fuzzy, my tongue feels heavy in my mouth. I don't know what to say to you. When I look at you my heart starts to beat harder than any earthquake, and my legs feel like they've turned to jelly."
"Evander...i didn't know." I said.
"Why do you think I got so upset when you didn't tell me you loved me?"
"I-I don't know." I said.
"When your mothers heart monitor flatlined I...I watched you struggling. I felt responsible." He said, sinking into a chair.
"You didn't kill her." I said, looking at him.
"But I was there. I had been arguing with you. I told you that I wish you had died, and then your mom..."
"Evander it was just a coincidence. Awful, terrible, coincidence." I said, going to sit next to him. He put his face in his hands and sighed.
"Amberlyn, I'm still sorry. I didn't mean anything I said-"
"I know that. We were angry, I was stressed. Let's just forget it." I said. He nodded. I rested my head on his shoulder.
"How are you doing?" He asked. My heart fell.
"I don't really know. Not good I guess. Im not hungry, I haven't taken a bath, I'm feel like everything around me is just falling apart. I went from having two parents to having none, and plus one of them is working for the rebels." I said. Evander put his arm around me, and I let out a short breath. "I'm not cut out for this. I'm not cut out for being a princess, or a queen. I could just quit." I suggested.
"This is my one time to encourage you, but I'm not going to." Evander said.
"What?" I asked.
"I could tell you to quit. I could tell you to give up on this whole thing, and that would make you available for me to have you all to myself, but I'm not going to." 
"Well why not? Like you said, you could have me all to yourself. I would be yours to keep." I said.
"You would be. You would marry me, and we'd have a family. Two kids, a boy and a girl. The boy looks like me, but your beautiful eyes, and the girl looks just like you, except her eyes are mine."
"You've thought a lot about this." I observed.
"We live at the castle, you work in the kitchens baking your magnificent treats for the royal family. Our children are friends with the royal children, whoever Archer would marry. We live in a small house on the border of Section one and two. We have dinner together and every night, I go to bed, with you curled up with me." He said. I smiled, thinking about the daydream. Just hearing him talk about it made me feel the way watching rain did. Watching rain from inside, drinking something warm, and listening the fire crackle.
"That's a wonderful plan." I said. He smiled at me, and I curled up next to him.
"It's not really a plan, more of a dream, but yeah. It's pretty nice." He said.
"We could pretend. Right now." I said.
"Well we are kind of aren't we?" He asked, looking at me curled up next to him. I smiled slightly.
"Yes, I guess we are."
"Even thinking about this, having this dream I have, I'm not going to try and convince you to quit. Archer loves you. You need the money for your siblings, and as much as I don't want to admit it, you love Archer too." He said.
"I-I do." I admitted quietly.
"See, I knew you did. I see it in your eyes. The way you talk about him, when you look at him, when he touches you. He loves you too. When he told you to take care of yourself before he left, that's not something he would say to just anyone. I know him." He said.
"Do you?" I asked.
"I'd like to think I do." He said. "He's not one to say things to just anyone, and when he does he's not one to just throw things around." He said.
"You're right." I said.
"See, I want you to myself, but I think even if I had you, I wouldn't have all of you. It would be like having a hopeless crush for my entire life, and I don't want to do that. Not just to myself, but to you as well."
"What are you saying?" I asked.
"Well, you come to talk to me about a lot of things."
"I do." I said.
"And you need my help."
"That's true." I said.
"You can't get my help for certain problems if we were together." He said.
"Evander just spit it out." I said, getting annoyed.
"I'm trying to say, that unless you decide you love me like I love you, I'm here as the person you can tell anything to. I'm here to listen to you, and all of your problems, no matter what they are. And if, only if, you decide that I'm the one you want to be with, we can try it out, but I don't want to sacrifice something pretty perfect for something that could fall apart." He said.
"Evander...how long have you been thinking about this?" I asked.
"Just today. I was thinking about what I said last night, and how much I love you."
"I love you too." I said.
"I know." He replied, and kissed my forehead gently.
"You make decisions hard, you know that?" I asked.
"That's why I tried to make this one just a little easier for you." He told me. I gave him a small smile, and then sighed.
"I'm not ready to do anything." I said.
"At least take a bath, you smell." He said.
"Hey!" I complained. He chuckled.
"We're friends now right? I can tell you the truth." He said. I puffed out my lip a little.
"Fine. I'll go bathe. You have to go." I said.
"Aw but I don't wanna!" He said. I pulled him up, and pushed him out the door.
"Shoo!" I said, and closed the door. I heard his laughter from behind the closed door, and it lightened my spirits just a little. I went and took a bath.