Deanna • Duff McKagan

Chapter Nine • The Birth of Deanna Caine

July 7th, 1985

Knock, knock. It keeps getting louder and louder. The empty liquor bottles strewn across my apartment are indication of what I did last night, but at this point, I don't even care.

"I'm fucking coming!" I call out, swinging the door open without looking through the peephole to check who it is. My own father just had me arrested, what's behind this door couldn't be any worse.

The tall blonde standing on the other side of the door causes me to sigh in relief. "Duff," I acknowledge, gesturing for him to come inside. He doesn't say a word, just steps into my apartment. "What do I owe the pleasure?"

"Have you told us the truth about anything?" He suddenly says, the hurt showing in his eyes. "Your name isn't even your real name."

"Have I given you a reason not to trust me?" I cock my head to the side, waiting on an answer I don't get. "You, however, are the one who fails to mention a girlfriend."

"You just jumped me when I walked into your room!" He exclaims, throwing his hands into the air. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Hmm.. let me think," I tap my chin for comedic effect. "Say no? Tell me you have a girlfriend?"

"I lied about having a girlfriend, you lied about your fucking name," he takes a step closer to me and I flinch, silently hoping he didn't notice my slight movement.

"Everyone in your damn band lies about their name, except Steven," I scream at him. "Your name isn't really Duff, Izzy's isn't really Izzy, Slash's isn't Slash, and Axl's isn't fucking Axl!"

"That's different.." the bassist trails off, seemingly at a loss for words.

"How is it different, Duff? Please explain. You guys have your stage names, I have a street name. Now, please tell me, how the fuck is that different?" He steps toward me once more, and again, I flinch.

"Dammit, Deanna! Or Delores, whoever the fuck you are! Why do you keep flinching? I'm not going to fucking hit you!" He intertwines his fingers in the roots of his hair before taking another step forward. This time, I step back, my back hitting the wall. "Who fucked you up so badly?" Duff places a hand on either side of my head, trapping me where I stand.

"You met him at Madame Wong's," I whisper, my gaze dropping to the carpeted floor of my entryway. "Jesus, this is the second fight I've had with a member of your band in two days."

Duff chuckles at the mention of my fight with Axl yesterday, shaking his head. "He just wants to make it big, that's all," he shrugs. "We all do, and finding out your father owned a record label kinda made us believe that he'd help us make it. We aren't just another band on the streets of LA."

I shake my head, meeting Duff's stare. "No," I sigh, "and that's why I need to tell you something."

Los Angeles, 1981
The Whisky A-Go-Go

"You guys were really good," I smile at the black haired man before me, the one who had just set himself on fire just to entertain his audience. "I'm Dee, Dee Elektra," I hold my hand out for him to shake.

"I'm Nikki, Nikki Sixx."

"Wait, you were friends with Nikki Sixx?" Duff asks, his eyes wide as I lead him to sit on my couch. "Are you the reason Mötley Crüe got signed to Elektra?"

I shake my head, folding my legs as I turn to face Duff. "I wasn't just friends with Nikki Sixx, I dated him. Me and Nikki were together up until last year."

"We have parties every night at our place," Nikki gestures to his band, still packing up their equipment on stage. "Do you wanna come tonight?"

I look around the place, Haley or Dylan nowhere to be found. I smile, nodding. "Yeah, I'd love to come."

"So, I went to a party at the Crüe house. It was filthy, there were people shooting up speed and smoking meth, any type of drug, it was there. And that became my life for awhile, partying, doing drugs with Nikki, being his muse." At this point, I refuse to meet Duff's gaze.

"But then, my dad found out about my new lifestyle. He found out I'd been making gigs for this band on Sunset, and he was angry." I scoff, shaking my head at the memory.

"What the fuck is this?" Dad storms into my room, screaming. He drops my notebook full of Mötley Crüe gigs that I had made onto my bed, his face turning bright red with anger. "This isn't a woman's work!" My Head whips to the side as he slaps me as hard as I could.

"I got them a lot of recognition here in LA, dad!" I protest, standing up. "My phone is ringing off the hook with venues who want them to play!"

"Wait, so your dad didn't want you managing Mötley?" He raises his eyebrows in confusion, which I understand. Who doesn't want their daughter to be successful?

"He said that women don't belong in the music business, but I definitely beg to differ. I never wanted to be a record producer like him, I wouldn't be able to crush people's dreams like that. I'd be signing everyone."

Duff chuckles, "well maybe you should become a record producer so you can sign us."

"You guys are going to get signed," I roll my eyes. "It's not a matter of if, but when. Just be patient, it'll happen for ya."

I watch one of the thousands of band rehearsals I've been to in my time dating Nikki. "What'd you think, babe?" He asks with a grin. "Good enough for our album?"

"I think," I trail off, trying to figure out exactly how I should say this to the band I love so much. "I think you should play that for my father."

"So, you got them a meeting with your father? Why wouldn't you do the same for us?" I can hear it, in Duff's voice. He's slightly hurt by this news.

"Yes, I got them a meeting with my father, and yes, he signed them because of it." I sigh, hoping Duff would understand. "I was under the impression that when the band got signed, my father would see my potential as a band manager and allow me to keep doing what I was doing. I mean, I'm pretty much the reason Mötley Crüe was discovered.."

"But he didn't, did he? He hired someone else to be their manager, and completely froze you out of their business?"

"Things were going great with Nikki and me for awhile. Obviously, Mötley is super talented so they got big on their own. But after my dad signed them, I wasn't allowed to know any of the band's business. In 1983, Nikki and I got engaged, and him and I moved in together.

Of course, my dad didn't want me messing with his money maker, so he would say things like 'I can't believe you're still with Nikki since he's cheating', or telling Nikki I brought another guy home for him to meet." I shake my head, absolutely disgusted at the actions of the man I'm forced to call my father. "All of that because I wanted to be a rebel and do what I pleased."

"So then, why did you and Nikki break up?" Duff inquires. "If you were engaged and living with each other, why?"

"My father forbid me from going on tours. He forbid me from being in the recording studio, and he forbid me from being at interviews. When Nikki wasn't home, he was either at an interview or in the recording studio," I sigh, thinking about the first man I've ever loved. "And Nikki couldn't go against my father, I would never ask him to, that was jeopardizing his dream. So eventually, my father just banned me, completely."

"He banned Nikki from seeing you?" I think Duff's eyes are about to bug out of his head.

"He banned the whole band from seeing me, threatened to take away their record deal. I haven't spoken to Nikki in a little over a year. But I absolutely refuse to have that happen with you guys, I promise you you'll get a record deal. It may take some time to get there, but we'll get there."

"So why the name change? Why go from Delores Elektra to Deanna Caine?"

"My father named me Delores after one of his mistresses, believe it or not. He got my mom hooked on heroin so bad, she OD'd. Her maiden name was Caine, so I took that. As for Deanna, Nikki's mom's name is Deana. She's kind of a black sheep in his grandpa's eyes, when I met his Nona, she asked if she could call me Deana since I reminded her so much of her daughter. I said yes, because I didn't mind. And then, Deanna Caine was born."