Deanna • Duff McKagan

Chapter Twenty One • A Shot At Love With Redemption

August 31st, 1985

I nod my head along to the beat of Steven's drumming as Axl sings the lyrics to the song he and the band performed for the first time last night. Slash shreds the strings of his guitar, having to replace them four times just in this one show.

The show last night, at the Stardust Ballroom, was possibly one of the best shows that this band has ever played. And as a result, The Roxy Theatre called my house first thing this morning, asking for the gig they're performing tonight.

"You're doing good for yourself, Dee," I look over at Haley, taken aback by my nickname before I severed all ties with my father.

"I am, aren't I?" I smile, running a hand through my hair, looking over at the crowd of people staring at the stage in awe. "I'm really not letting him bring me down."

"I know you don't think what happened was fair," I meet Haley's gaze, knowing exactly what she was getting at. "I know he basically fed her addiction, and brought her that final fix that ended her life, but where do you think your life is going Deanna?"

I scoff, shaking my head and standing up from the bar stool. "I'm not dealing with this, Haley. I have to hear it from Duff because he shares my bed, I don't need it from you. Acting like you're innocent."

"Weed is a whole lot different than heroin, Delores!" I glare at her, despising the use of my old name. "Yeah, I smoke a lot of weed, but I definitely don't shoot up!"

"I'm afraid of needles you fucking bitch, I'm not shooting drugs into my veins," I roll my eyes, prepared to fight Haley tooth and nail. Of course, she knows I'm lying, but I'm definitely not going to outright admit that.

The last notes of the band's final song plays and the live music switches to random rock songs playing over the speakers. I clutch my beer in my hand tightly, walking away from the girl who pisses me off the most in this world.

"You okay?" Duff asks, swiftly taking my beer from my hand and chugging the rest of it. Sweat glistens off his shirtless body, and I have to stop myself from drooling at the sight of his muscles as he begins packing up his bass and amps.

"How fast do you think you can get your shit packed up?" I ask, biting my lip and taking another step toward him.

His eyes widen with realization and he practically throws his bass into its case. "Hey, Izzy!" The dark-haired rhythm guitarist looks over to him. "Remember that favor you owe me?" Without a word, Duff wraps one arm around me and gestures to his equipment, Izzy just nodding as a confirmation.

In the clear...

***

"Oh, fuck, yes!" I'm bent over the bathroom sink in my apartment as Duff thrusts into me with everything he has. The difference between Nikki and Duff; Duff knows where the clitoris is.

Duff moans out loudly, his body continuously jerking as he tightens his hands around my hips and finishes inside of me. "Wow," he mutters, leaning against the wall to hold himself up. "That was... something." 

"Ten out of ten would recommend," I shrug, pulling my shorts back up. Pressing my lips against his once more, I push open the door of the bathroom, a loud 'ow' sound made.

"Guys what the fuck?" I question, seeing Steven, Axl, and Slash standing directly outside the bathroom door, Steven holding a hand over his eye.

Duff starts laughing, shaking his head at his band mates. "You were looking through the keyhole?"

I sigh, shaking my head at the antics of the four immature boys I'm surrounded by. "Where's Izzy?" I ask, looking down the hallway. "He's my favorite."

Duff begins to pout, placing a hand over his heart. "Wow, I feel so loved," he fake cries, causing the other guys to laugh again.

I roll my eyes, heading down the hallway to the living room, a shadowy figure standing outside on the balcony. He's always in the same place, isn't he?

I slide open the glass door, walking over to stand next to him. We stand there in silence for a minute, staring over the lit-up streets of West Hollywood. It's four in the morning, the sun should come up at any moment now.

Since the boys had moved in with me, I noticed this. Steven, Duff, Slash and Axl would get home from a show, continue to drink until they passed out then slept all day. Izzy, on the other hand, would get home from a show, and stand out on the balcony, continuing to drink by himself, as he'd watch the sun come up.

"Hey," I mutter finally, breaking the silence between us. He says nothing, just giving me a sidelong glance. "Look, I know you won't sell to me anymore, that's not why I'm here."

After a few minutes pass, he turns to me, glancing me up and down. "Then why are you here?"

"Because maybe I get along with you better than those four dumbasses wrecking my house as we speak," I glance through the window, seeing Slash standing on my coffee table playing air guitar with a bottle of Jack in his hand, Axl laying across the kitchen island, and Duff and Steven hitting each other with my throw pillows.

"You sure you aren't just here for drugs?" He questions, his eyebrow raised in anticipation. "That seems to be all you wanted from me before."

"Is that why you stopped dealing to me, Isbel?" I ask, taking a step back. "What, did you want me to hop on your dick to get drugs?"

"Calm the fuck down, Deanna," he shakes his head, turning to stare at the Hollywood sign. "You're nineteen years old, stop acting like a child."

"Maybe you pissed me off, Izzy. Maybe that's why I'm acting like a 'child' as you say." I roll my eyes, turning to walk back into the apartment.

"Well, maybe I'm in love with you, Deanna. Maybe that's why I wouldn't sell to you. Have you ever thought about that, or are you just focused on your drugs?" My eyes widen, and in taken aback by what Izzy just said, at a loss for words even.

"No... I never thought that..." Me and Duff have... well me and Duff have whatever the hell we have going on, but I don't think Duff would have ever told me he loves me. "You, uh, you love me?"

"Yeah, Deanna Caine. I love you." He takes a step forward, his eyes gazing into mine. And then Izzy Stradlin kisses me with way more passion than I have ever been kissed with before... and it has me thinking. Duff and I, we kiss as foreplay, heat of the moment, for sex.

But this? This is so much different. Izzy and I aren't expecting anything from each other. I wrap my arms around him as he deepens the kiss, the sun beginning to come up. Finally, the two of us pull away from each other and I smile, turning away from the rhythm guitarist.

But there he is. Duff McKagan, standing behind the glass door staring at us, a look of pure hurt in his eyes. What the fuck did I just do?

A/N: IM BAAAACCKK. I took a much needed break from writing but I think this chapter makes up for a lot 😂 IS ANYONE GOING TO SEE MÖTLEY IN CONCERT NEXT SUMMER BECAUSE I AM SO EXCITED