Make me feel (ManxMan)

Prologue

Pain.

Pain was all that I felt, all that existed. It wrapped around me like a suffocating presence, hugging me tightly until my chest hurt from the torment. I held my breath, tried to maximize the suffering I experienced but it wasn't enough. Why wasn't it enough?

"Release m-me..." I choked out between clenched teeth and then I drew in a quick gasp of breath as the big man in front of me immediately let go of my throat. I fell to the ground, not strong enough to stay standing as oxygen flowed back into my aching body. It felt like my chest had exploded but even so, it was far from satisfying. I needed something different, I needed something more, someone more. I just needed more.

"You okay kid? I thought you said you liked it... rough?" The man said, his voice a bit unsure as he stared down at me on the ground catching my breath. I couldn't help the hoarse laugh that escaped my dry lips as I raised my eyes to look at my test subject for the evening. I had chosen him based on some rumors that he was sadistic but what I saw before me was far from that. He was even asking me if I was okay.

Shit, I just wanted to scream at him.

"I do. The problem is that no one else does! I hate half-assed people like you. You think you're into sadism just because you can squeeze my throat for a tiny amount of time? Let me explain it clearly so there'll be no misunderstandings here. You. are. not. even. close." I spat, glaring up at the man from underneath my bangs.

I could see anger briefly flash in his eyes and stupid as I am I couldn't help but hope that I'd made him angry. I soon realize that that wasn't the case though and I groaned as I saw the hurt look on his face.

Dear Lord how could people have ever thought of this man as a sadist? He was nearly crying for God's sake!

"Ah man, for the love of... I'm out of here!" I groaned as I pushed myself up from the ground and started to walk away from him. My legs were slightly shaking from the breath-play but I ignored it as I kept shuffling through the snow. All I wanted to do was get home and jump into my comfy bed.

This night had been a failure, just like the last ten had been. Would I ever find someone truly fitting, someone brave enough to actually give me what I yarned for the most? I wanted to find someone who could beat the living crap out of me and then walk away like it was nothing.

I needed it, it wasn't really clear why... but I needed it. 

As they say... "We're all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours".