Epiphany - Namjoon au

-21-

November 7 : Wednesday

Taking the bus wasn't my favorite thing. Wherever I went people stared at me, but at least I can walk away from them, on the bus I'm stuck under their stare. I was currently trying my best not to look up from my phone because every time I did I was met with the cold eyes of the older woman sitting in front of me. Of course Namjoon offered to pick me up, but I wanted to do something on my own for once. He is always driving me places and although I know he doesn't struggle with money, I still feel bad knowing how expensive gas can be.

When my stop came I was the first one off the bus, walking quickly down the street toward Seokjin's neighborhood. It was a pretty walk, there were trees with leaves beginning to change color and the sky was clear and bright. It made me regret not bringing my camera, I need to capture as much of Korea as I can before I leave.

It's perplexing how my 160 days in South Korea have dwindled down to merely 84. The small number of days I had remaining left a sting in my chest. Namjoon was so adamant about dealing with our problems later, but later is creeping up on us all faster than we realize. In 84 days those seven boys will go back to how their lives always were, and I'll go back to mine. Five thousand miles away feels like worlds in between us, I don't think my world in Seattle is what I want anymore. I can't see tomorrow without seeing Namjoon in it, followed by my shy Kookie and my animated Hobi and Tae.

Standing outside of Jin's house it took a while to go inside. I spent five minutes sitting on the steps outside of the front door, just thinking. Thinking about what my weekends would look like once they aren't filled with movies and teenage drinking or what school would be like going from a group to no one. Looking around at the Korean flags being displayed every few houses I didn't feel so alienated anymore. I felt more 'at home' in a foreign country than I do in my own home, with my own family.

I don't want to leave, but leaving is inevitable. Pondering on my dreams of staying in these moments forever will only add to the sting in my chest.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" I lean my head back to see Jungkook standing over me, his growing hair falling over his eyes.

"Thinking."

"That's a very dangerous thing to do by yourself Nanni." He sat down beside me, our knees touching while our shoulders brushed. "Talk to me."

"I leave in 84 days." I watched his face for a change in expression. His face dropped the more he thought about my words, but soon he replaced his frown with a cute smile.

"84 days? That's 2,016 hours that we still have to take pictures and get coffee at 2 in the morning." His smile was forced and I could tell he was trying to cheer himself up as well.

I smiled at the memory. It was in September, all of us had slept over at Jin's place and Jungkook and I were the last to fall asleep. Well we couldn't fall asleep. Jungkook ran laps outside for 30 minutes while I tried to keep my laughter quiet. After 30 more minutes of stargazing and talking we decided to walk to the corner store and buy cheap coffee. It was disgusting, but it was warm and it gave us something to talk about. We ended up falling asleep inside the back of Jin's truck at 5 in the morning, the next day Jimin found us.

"2,016 hours minus the time we sleep so that's about 1,260 hours."

"Fuck it." He nudged my shoulder with his. "I guess we can't sleep for 84 days." I forced a small laugh from my lips as I let myself lean into Jungkook's body. He kept both of his hands on the cement behind him while my head rested on his shoulder. And we stayed like this, we stayed like this until our backs began to hurt and then we stayed longer, completely forgetting the house full of energized boys. "Nanni I know you don't have feelings for me, and I'm not hurt by the rejection anymore. I understand why things wouldn't work."

"Jungkook-"

"Just all I'm trying to say is don't let anyone take you for granted." I sat up to look at him, his face was solemn but yet still warm and innocent. "Don't settle for a boy who doesn't see how perfect you are. You deserve someone who loves every inch of you and tells you that all the time, not just when you ask them."

I watched him as he spoke, I could feel the stitches I used to fix my heart beginning to pop as I let the guilt wash over me. I know the heart wants what it wants but in this moment I wish my heart didn't want Namjoon. I wish I could leave Korea without breaking anyone's heart, but I'm leaving breaking two.

"Jungkook, I need to tell you something. I'm-"

"Guys hurry up and get in here! Yoongi just got the email." I swallow my words as Taehyung and Jimin pull us into the house. My hand goes to casually cover my mouth when I realize what I almost just did. When Namjoon smiles at me from across the kitchen table I couldn't bring myself to smile back.

I let my eyes wander as if I didn't see his silent greeting before taking a seat next to Jin, the furthest away from both Namjoon and Jungkook.

"So BigHit already has emails being sent out? The audition was only yesterday!" I said with a smile while Yoongi stared at the closed laptop in front of him. There was a look of fear in his eyes, a look that you didn't see very often from Yoongi.

Yoongi is quiet when you first meet him, but as you spend more time with him you come to learn he's quirky, loud and playful. He is always working hard and always striving to achieve more, he's the kind of person that makes you appreciate quiet moments. Yoongi is my favorite quiet moment.

"Hey," Jimin grabbed Yoongi's shaking hand. "No matter what that email says your music career isn't over. You still have time and you can still do this."

"I don't know. I'm 22 already, maybe they want younger trainees."

"They want talented trainees." Namjoon said. "And you are the most talented person I know."

"I'll try to pretend like I didn't take offence to that." Jin mumbled under his breath while pretending to glare at Namjoon. "But Namjoon is right, about you being talented. I don't know about most talented, but-"

"Just open it hyung." Taehyung says and I nod. There is an over all quietness that fills the room as we watch the laptop open and hear the tapping of the keys. We are waiting anxiously for Yoongi's face to light up for him to scream and say he made it in, but he doesn't. "Hyung?"

"I-I'm a trainee for BigHit entertainment." Yoongi said quietly. "I'm a trainee! Jimin I did it!"

We all screamed as Yoongi wrapped his arms around the small boy next to him. Once that hug ended more began, the boys jumped in circles as they hugged Yoongi and cheered. Looking around the room I saw Jungkook's camera resting on top the kitchen counter. I was quick to grab it rushing to capture the moment as quick as possible. I let the camera shutter and watched the boys settle onto the couch.

Smiles never left our faces after Yoongi read that email. We all sat on the couch as Yoongi performed songs for us that we've heard hundreds of times before and we held our phone flashlights in the air as he played us the piano. We had the first official Min Yoongi concert, held in his very own living room.

When we all settled down the room fell into a light chatter. We all just relished in the excitement of our futures, mostly Yoongi's future. Occasionally Taehyung would mention designer clothes that Yoongi has to buy him when he's rich and famous and Jungkook kept saying when Yoongi tours to let him be his professional photographer and video editor. Yoongi just kept saying yes, even he was spitting out random dreams like how he wants to chart in America and how he wants his music to mean something to people.

"I know your music will change people's lives." I spoke up for the first time since we've all sat down.

"Really?" Yoongi's voice sounds small and hopeful. I can picture his lips in a small pout with big innocent eyes.

"Of course." I smiled as I let my eyes meet his. "Without a doubt. You'll make it."

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im sorry for the short chapter!

i have writers block and im also really stressed with finals and other exams

but i love you and if you voted/commented thank you so much it makes my day to read comments