Epiphany - Namjoon au

-27-

December 5 : Wednesday

The next morning was embarrassing. My half asleep mind didn't seem to acknowledge the body asleep next to me, it also seemed to temporarily forget the events of the night before.

The effects of falling asleep at 4 in the afternoon were beginning to kick in. Checking the time it was 2 in the morning. With no chance of going back to sleep I slowly detangled myself from the bed sheets and crept toward the bathroom.

I held my breath until the bathroom door was closed behind me. I sighed deeply while staring at my reflection in the mirror. The hoodie around my body barely covered the dark purple hickey adorning my right collarbone. My eyes nearly fell out of my head when I saw it.

"Fuck." I tugged the hoodie off my body only to reveal more dark marks across my chest and stomach. They ranged from small to the size of a 50 cent coin. Luckily Namjoon was smart enough to leave all his marks in places clothes can cover.

My fingers traced over the marks as I stared at myself in the mirror. I was staring at myself but it felt like someone else. My reflection looked like a picture, one I would never take. Looking at my reflection was like seeing myself through someone else's eyes.

Soon I ran out of marks on my body to stare at and I was brought back to reality. Namjoon was asleep in my bed right now, and yesterday he fingered me. Even thinking the words to myself makes me embarrassed.

Do I have to return the favor?

I don't know how to suck a dick?

Oh my god what if I accidentally bite it, or worse throw up..

A small knock on the bathroom door made me jump out of my thoughts. I quickly put my hoodie back on before creaking the door open.

The small sliver of light from the crack in the door glittered across Namjoon's face. His eyes were puffy with sleep while his bottom lip pouted. The sight of him half awake made something flicker inside me.

Moments like these are the ones you remember, or the ones you hope to remember, because these moments are raw. To see Namjoon rubbing sleep out of his eyes as he stares at me worried is seeing him vulnerable, completely human. There are no classmates, no friends, there is only the world we've created together and the world waiting for us with the sunrise.

"Why'd you leave? Are you okay?" He stretched his arms above his head letting his shirt rise just below his navel.

"Mhm." I let my arms slide around his waist. "I'm okay, I just can't sleep."

He hummed while holding my body against his. He swayed us slowly back and forth before pulling away from me. My hands remained on his waist, trying to keep him close to me, while his tucked my messy hair behind my ears.

"I love you." He pressed a small kiss to my forehead before pulling me back into a hug.

"I love you too Namjoon."

In a swift action he lifted me up so my legs wrapped around his waist. I let out a shriek at the unexpected movement which only resulted in us giggling and telling one another to be quiet.

I held my arms tight around his neck while hiding my face against him. He slowly moved around the small room, his fingers tracing my back. I didn't question what we were doing, because I enjoyed the feeling of him holding me.

I'm sure we looking insane swaying in the mixture of light from the street lamps outside my window and the dim white light from my bathroom and I felt crazy to. But what does crazy even mean, and when did being and feeling crazy receive such a negative connotation?