Surviving You

Chapter 5

I made my way downstairs, knowing Austin was going to be there.

Its been five days since my break down. We haven't talked much except for a quick question if there was any more milk or whatever. He's been looking at me weird and I was becoming real self conscious and upset.

How could I have let my guard down so easily?

I grabbed my bag of marshmallows and sat on the armchair and watched Hairspray silently. Austin watched this movie every night and every time he would be drinking his beer with that necklace in his hand.

After sitting and watching the movie again and I spoke quietly.

" You won't find anything at the bottom of the can, you know?" I said without looking at him.

I heard the pop of another can being opened. A couple minutes later he spoke.

" It helps," his words slurred but I could understand.

" Helps what?" I sighed.

" The pain."

I swallowed what was in my mouth and thought hard.

" Physical?"

He laughed bitterly and I took that as a no.

" Emotional. My sister killed herself."

I looked at him quickly but he kept his eyes on the screen, sipping from his beer.

" She did it five years ago. I never saw it coming. I mean I would hear her crying or talking on the phone late at night but I thought it was normal teenager girl crap. She loved-" his voice broke and tears were streaming down his face.

Before I could rethink I sat beside him but didn't touch him.

" She loved this movie. One of her favorites. I watch it everyday at least once. It makes it seem as if she's with me. I can hear her singing and reciting it by heart. She wore this necklace everyday. It was from our parents."

He took a shaky breath and I didn't know what to do. I'm not good at comforting people.

" She was my little sister. I was supposed to protect her!" he yelled now angry.

I jumped but quickly regained my posture.

" One night I couldn't sleep. So I went to Suzy's room. She was laying so still but I knee something wasn't right. Her arms were cu- cut. So deep. Blood was all over her and her sheets. I don't know if bleeding to death is what killed her or the fact that she downed a new bottle of pills."

I opened my mouth to say something but didn't know what I could say. I awkwardly put my arm around him and he broke, sobbing and leaned all his weight on me, hiding his face on my chest.

I awkwardly patted his back as he cried and cried and suddenly wished Bri was here. She would know how to comfort him.

" Its OK. She's in a better place now. I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

He sniffled and leaned away from me looking into my eyes.

" How could you? Nobody knows. Worst part is my parents don't even talk about her. Act as if she was never born. My mom. She has it worse. She's been depressed. She tried to burn down the house. Had one of her break downs. Tried to kill dad and I. She's at a mental hospital. Dads staying in a hotel close by. That's why they haven't been here."

" In the fire you wouldn't leave until you got the necklace and movie," I said slowly, now piecing it together.

" Bingo."