This Is The Beat Of My Heart | A Star Is Born ✔️

4. (!)

A/N: (!)= mature/triggering content. This chapter contains mentions of drug/alcoholism/alcohol abuse, and contains some self depreciative thoughts that could be seen as triggering.

Also, there is a scene of vomiting.

XX

"It's only when I'm lonely, sometimes I just wanna cave."
-Demi Lovato, "Sober"

XX

Jackson never really understood the appeal of watching somebody sleep. It always seemed like such an odd thing to him, so absurd, why would anybody ever do that?

And yet, here he was, looking over at Ally intently, feeling himself smile. She was always beautiful, but something about how at ease and how peaceful she looked made her seem ethereal.

The way that her chest rose and fell, the way her hair was falling in her face a bit, the small smile that was on her lips. They were all normal things, but he couldn't help but adore them.

He moved her hair back and gave her a small kiss on the forehead, and then decided to rise out of bed.

Lately, he had been waking up much earlier than expected, always earlier than Ally, which was odd. Some days, he woke up in a cold sweat, knowing he had just had a nightmare, but not remembering a second of it. He had an inhibition that it was about his attempted suicide the other night, because what else could it be, but he was trying not to think about it. It would just send him into a spiral of self hate and sadness yet again.

He wanted to pretend like it didn't happen, but he knew that it just couldn't be like that. He knew that this was going to linger in the air and follow him for awhile.

She hadn't said anything, but he knew that her trust in him was currently wavering. He didn't blame her. If she had tried to do the same thing, he would be just as protective, but he sort of hated it. Because once again, she would need to dedicate her time to making sure he was alright.

He let Charlie outside, and sat himself at the table for a few moments, just thinking to himself. He was lost in his own world, his own thoughts, watching as Charlie played among himself outside, smiling.

He went and took a quick shower, so that he could actually make productive use of his time, and when he finished, he saw Ally in the kitchen, sipping a coffee while Charlie sat in her lap.

"How long have you been up?" She asked, smiling at him. She wasn't nervous today when she didn't wake up beside him, partly because she heard the water running, partly because of the conversation that she had with him the night prior. He was already making improvements, and that made her happy. She wished things could just stay like this forever, simple and lovely.

"Awhile, actually. You've been sleeping in late a lot lately, haven't you?" He joked.

She chuckled. "Yeah, I guess so. Carrying another human being can be exhausting, I guess. Oh, and so can stress."

"Don't stress too much. Try and relax the best that you can. Don't worry too much about everything, especially about me."

"It's hard not to think about everything." She said, staring off into the distance.

"I know. But just... try and take it easy."

"You too, okay? I don't want you to be stressing or doing anything crazy either."

"I won't. I already told you I won't."

She smiled at him again. "I trust you."

He began to open the cupboards, looking around for something to make. "I was going to make breakfast before you got up, but I guess that you got up before I could. Again." He told her, chuckling.