This Is The Beat Of My Heart | A Star Is Born ✔️

5.

"Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you."

-Blue October, "Hate Me"

XX

Ally was up early the next morning.

Part of it was her morning sickness, as soon as her eyes opened, she was up and running to the bathroom, vomiting into the toilet.

The other part of it was her anxiety about Jackson. It had kept her up and rolling around all night, she couldn't stop herself from glancing at him consistently, making sure that he was alright.

"You okay?" She heard her husband ask from the bed as she stepped back into the bedroom. He was still under the covers, and judging from the way he was squinting his eyes, his head was hurting.

"I'm alright. Just morning sickness." She said, climbing back in beside him. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Kind of shitty. Guilty." He told her, turning away.

"Don't be. What's done is done. Are you okay now, though? Like what happened, Jack? Talk to me."

"It's hard to explain to someone who, you know, isn't an alcoholic. It was just a moment where I lost all sight of myself. It was all sort of a blur, really. My mind went fucking batshit, and I was falling back into that shit again. I didn't want to do it. Trust me."

There was a hurt in his eyes as he explained this, she would even say that he seemed on the verge of tears. This hurt allowed her to feel what he was telling her, even if she had no idea what it was like. "Jack, I don't want you to think that anybody is angry. We're not. It's not your fault. I don't want you to think that this is too much for me. If it was, I would tell you."

"I know, but this shouldn't be happening. You shouldn't have had to find me like that."

"Don't Beat yourself up over it, okay?"

"Are you sure that you would leave if you were at your breaking point? Do you promise? I don't want you to be in a place where you're sacrificing your own needs."

"I would. I promise. You just need to come up with a plan to get over this for good. I can help you, and provide the support you need. I'm not saying it'll be simple. But you're making an effort, that's what matters. This isn't too much for me. It really isn't. You want to fight this. And I love you, and want to see you fight it." She gave him a warm smile.

He smiled weakly back at her. "I just have to be sure. I want you to be happy."

"I want you happy too."

"I'm going to do everything that I can, trust me."

"Is there anything that you want to do? Like, seeing somebody again? It might help."

He shook his head. "Maybe. I don't want to have that happen ever again. You don't deserve it. Bobby doesn't. Our child doesn't."

"You're forgetting the most important thing, Jack."

He turned to her again. "What?" He asked her.

"You. You don't deserve this to happen to you. You should want to get better because of you. You deserve it more than anyone."

He stared at her for a few moments, the feeling growing in his chest at this very moment was nothing but pure love. For her, for getting so lucky, for this life that he somehow got lucky enough to live with her. Minus the shit going on in his head, of course. Even with all of that, Ally just made things bearable. "I love you." He said simply. "I don't know where I'd be without you."

"I love you too. You can get through this. I know you can. You didn't give up before, and I know you won't now. This doesn't mean anything, unless you let it." She leaned over and kissed him falling back down onto her pillow.

XX

Jackson woke up to Ally not in bed beside him. He wanted to get up, but his body wasn't letting him move just yet. He was in pain, and a hell of a lot of it.

Everything that had happened was all a blur, and he still couldn't stop thinking about it. It was stupid, it was something that should've never happened.

But like his wife had told him, it couldn't stop him, unless he let it. It was only a hiccup. Those happened all of the time. It wouldn't become a full on relapse, he wouldn't let it. He would try and talk to somebody, see how it went. He would do it for himself, and for Ally as well. She didn't have to stick with him through all of this, but she did, and for that she deserved everything good in the world.

He slowly got himself up, letting his body adjust. This was nothing that he hadn't dealt with before, but that didn't make it any less shitty.

He stumbled up to his feet, standing for a moment, just to gain his composure. Ally was already up, he was surprised she wasn't playing piano right about now.

He walked out, and saw her at the table, scrolling through her phone with a scowl on her face.

"Hey." He said to her, and she looked up for a brief second and smiled at him.

"Hey." She said back, and immediately her nose was back into the phone.

"What are you looking at?" He asked her. He felt as if his head was going to explode right about now, but he was trying his best to just ignore it.

"I should've expected this." Was all she replied with, shaking her head.

"Expected what?"

"There's some gossip going around. About what had happened between Rez and I. There's so many different stories, I can barely even keep up. I should've known he would've went and opened his damn mouth."

"What did he say?" That little prick. Of course he would make Ally look bad in this situation. He couldn't afford to smear his own reputation.

"I have no idea exactly what he said, but I guess I supposedly think that I'm better than him, and never needed him anyways, and that I tried to attack him." She said, chuckling. "Apparently, there's speculation about me being pregnant too. Guess he let that slip." She shook her head again.

"You don't need him."

"He did a lot of good things for me, I'll never deny that. But all good things have to come to an end, I guess. I'm not going to entertain it. He can go behind my back. I'm taking time off for me, and for you. I don't need to deal with all of this right now."

"You shouldn't have to. He's just trying to make you look bad so that he doesn't have to. I wouldn't entertain it either. It's just stupid shit. I've been through lots of it. Don't worry, there are many people like him. You'll be fine. You can figure it all out soon. Don't stress."

"I won't. He doesn't deserve my stress, or yours. I have other things to worry about. So do you." She set her phone down on the table and stood up.

Jackson felt himself stumble, and grabbed onto the chair for support.

"You okay, honey?" His wife asked him, putting her hand on his shoulder and giving it a loving squeeze.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

"I can't help it, you know that. I'm just making sure."

"I can manage. I think I might look into talking to somebody, like you said. I don't want something like that to happen ever again."

"I don't either. Whatever you want to do, I'll support it. I just want you to be better."

He leaned over, planting a kiss on her cheek. "I want to be better too."

XX

A/N: hey sorry for the short filler chapter! Thank you all for all of the support lately, I love reading your comments, they make my day!

Love u all so much, happy new year to all you lovely people!! Thanks again for reading!