Book Of Narratives

Him

Nervousness. Regret. Shame.

That is what is on his face.

And as I look further into his expression, I see doubt, pain, also anger. His forehead has a thin sheen of sweat, his fingers twist in agitation, his foot taps on the ground in impatience.

He doesn't look happy.

In fact, he looks furious.

His thin lips open as he speaks, his voice velvety smooth, accentuated voice, gentle sounding to my ears. Like a perfectly conducted symphony, that will only grace the presence of my ears.

Yet, what comes out his mouth, wasn't a beautifully conducted sound, instead, it was an uncoordinated cacophony of loud, banging tunes, enough to give one a blistering headache. It hurt my ears. And it hurt my heart.

He, he is breaking up with me.

I look at him incredulously, shocked at those words he uttered.

'Heather, I am breaking up with you' his deep voice murmurs, little to no emotion in his voice.

His dark grey eyes, shiny and glistening that reflects the sunlight, make contact with my own blue eyes. All the previous emotions that were present on his face, are gone. In fact, now he looks emotionless, not an ounce of feeling or anything on his face. There's not even the smile I fell in love with all those years ago:his perfectly Pearl white teeth glistening, reflecting the utter joy we were both feeling, and the purity of his heart.

Hearing a shuffle, I look up, seeing him standing up, and turning around, before walking away.

Walking away...from me.

In a sudden and swift move of desperation, one slim chance of him turning back to me, I run up to him, screaming his name, and grabbing his hand.

He turns, looks into my eyes a final time. No emotion, except one: anger. He doesn't mutter one word. But that one look in the grey pools of his eyes, speaks louder than words ever can.

I nod my head sullenly, and face the ground robotically, letting go.

I let go.

Of him.

Of my boyfriend.

Of the one person who had my heart.

Of the one person who I had in my life.

Without him, I am nobody.

I stay stood where I am, unable to move as my whole body seems to be in shock, as his footfalls beats and thuds against the ground, as he retreats.

Gone. I am now alone.

I have no one.

The forest suddenly becomes darker: thick grey clouds, gloomy and dismal fog, the sun gone.

Finally, after what felt like a thousand years, reality sinks in, crashing like a forceful tsunami on a beach. All the emotions that I was unable to feel due to the shock, instantly crashes into my heart, shattering and breaking it into pieces.

Unfixable.

I clutch my chest in agony, as I feel my lungs constrict and tighten, and I am unable to fill them with enough oxygen.

A panic attack.

It's a horrible feeling, and I'd never wish one on anyone, not even on an enemy.

My breathing becomes unsteady, uneven, laboured, and I collapse. I writhe in pain, as my body is forcing my lungs to get in the precious oxygen it needs.

But no matter how much my body tries to get me to breathe, to calm down, I simply cannot. It is too much to cope with, this pain is indescribable. Truly, it is.

It feels as though I am suffocating, and on the verge of death. My body starts to feel cold, as the winter wind picks up. Pitter patter of icy rain, frozen tears of mother nature that hits my cold blue face.

My hands are stiff, as I continue to clutch my chest. Slowly, I wrap my arms around my waist, attempting to keep as much body heat as possible.

Jayden.

He left me.

He is gone.

I have no one.

With those thoughts in the forefront of my mind, I allow my eyelids to shut, allowing my body rest.

Sleep...

It will do me some good.

I will be better.

I will be happy.

If I just sleep.

If I just...

Let go.