your body is a weapon → brad simpson | ✓

thirty nine

I sit on my bed, texting Tristan to let him know I've got Brad at my house. I don't tell him what's happened, I don't know if Brad wants to tell the boys himself, or at all.

My dad had thankfully gone shopping recently and bought some new boxers so I could lend them to Brad, as well as a pair of joggers and a shirt. I gave them to Brad once he got out of the shower. He gave me a weak smile.

Now, I wait for him to change. I was curious to know exactly what happened—I read between the lines and it wasn't difficult to realise that he got raped—and I wanted to find the girl who did it. She didn't deserve my awkward smile.

"Where shall I put the towel?" Brad asks as he walks into the room. I quickly stand up off of my bed.

"You can just put it in my basket," I tell him and he nods, putting it in the dirty clothes basket by the side of my door. I look over him. He's exhausted, I don't want to question him tonight. I'll find out what happened tomorrow. "Do you want to go to bed?"

"If that's okay," he says and I nod. "Am I sleeping in a guest room?"

"Don't be stupid," I roll my eyes at him playfully. "You can stay in here with me. I'm not leaving you alone again tonight."

He smiles gratefully at me and closes the door behind himself. He walks over and climbs into bed next to me. I turn off my bedside lamp, letting the darkness consume us.

I lay close to Brad tonight, my arms wrapping around him. I want him to know that I'm here with him, that I'm here for him. His arms wrap around me too and I rest my head on his chest.

"Brad?" I whisper despite the fact that I didn't want to question him tonight but I'm curious about one thing.

He shifts his head to look down at me, even though it's pitch black in my room. "Yeah?"

"Why did you keep apologising to me?"

He doesn't reply for a few moments and I feel my cheeks go red. He doesn't want to answer, I should've just kept my mouth shut.

"Because I am sorry," he says. "I let you down."

"No you didn't," I scold him.

"I did," he says. "I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to leave you because whenever I do, I'm with a girl and she tries to do something with me. I'll let them down and not do anything and then try to go back to you. Another girl will come. It's a cycle I can never get out of."

I frown. "You should've told me, Brad. Before now, I would've helped you escape this cycle. But you didn't let me down, especially not tonight. You're so strong, remember that."

"I did let you down," he whispers back. I could make out the faint outline of his curls against my white pillow. "I was saving myself for you, Jamie. Tonight I let you down."

I scrunch up my eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Jamie, I was a virgin," he tells me. "And I was going to stay like that because I didn't want to have meaningless sex. Sure, I hooked up with girls but all we did was make out and that was it. I was saving myself for someone I would love with everything inside of me."

My heart pounds heavily against my chest. I realise two things, the first being that tonight, Brad was robbed of something everyone thought he didn't have. Everyone thought Brad got with girls at parties, even I did. But he's a virgin and he was robbed of that innocence tonight.

The second thing I realise is that he was implying he loves me. Sure, I love him—but in more of a friend way. I never thought to look at him more than just a friend. Was he suggesting that he loves me in a different, non-platonic way?