Her Mysterious Ways

Chapter 37: Goodbye

We were all standing there, at the loading gate for the plane. Gracie was crying, a stark contrast from her singing on the way to the airport. Dawn was hugging Grandma, who didn't have tears but was clearly aware of her surroundings at that moment. Cole was grasping my hand tightly, and I knew he didn't want to let go. Cole's mom was consoling Gracie, telling her about all the new and exciting things waiting in New York. 

I was just standing there, holding every ounce of emotion I was feeling in. I didn't want to show the strangers around me. Nobody needed to see me cry, and above all, I didn't want Cole to feel any worse about leaving than he already did. There was too much at stake, so I just stood there blankly. 

The worst part of it all was that I knew I couldn't see him again. Not for a very long time at least. He would make new friends and have a new life that didn't involve me. Yes, we would talk sometimes, but it would never be the same in between us. Maybe it was for the best, but it didn't feel like it. It just felt like life was taking away the only thing I ever truly felt I hadn't completely messed up.

Bringing me back to the present, Cole squeezed my hand and let it go so that I could properly hug Gracie goodbye.

"I'm going to miss you." She managed between sobs as she cradled herself into my arms.

"It's okay Gracie. There's so many cool places that you're going to go in New York. Remember when we went there? All the lights were so beautiful. Right? And now you get to stay with your mom! Isn't that going to be fun?" Holding back tears, I held her tight and stroked her hair. Although there was a slim chance she would remember me, I wanted to make my last words to her positive.

"Yeah, it was really pretty. I love you, Rosemary. Thank you for being nice to my brother and Grandma and me." We looked each other in the eyes, which added to the weight of the liquid threatening to spill down my cheeks. 

"Of course. I love you too. Be good for your mom and Cole." I hugged her once more, and then let her go back to her mom, who gave me a look that simply said thank you. Then Grandma was next, telling me to stay beautiful, but not just in the face. After that, Cole's mother even hugged Dawn and I, thanking us for helping her family while she couldn't. 

Then there was Cole.

Everyone else has already said goodbye and stood in the line to board the plane while Dawn distracted Gracie from crying while she waited for me. Voices are coming through the intercom speakers, asking for their flight to start boarding. People shuffled around us, hurrying to their gates for various of different reasons. And there we were, in the middle of it all.

"So, Not-Andy. Any more cheap jabs to say before I go?" His smile was still there, but his eyes showed all of the sadness he was concealing.

"Well Cole the-apparently-not-stereotypical-jock, I guess you weren't as bad as I thought you were." My voice wavered slightly, and I knew my wall was about to collapse before I was ready for it to.

"I'm just going to say it, because this while 'just friends' shit doesn't start until I get on that plane. I love you, Rosemary. I always will, in some way or the other. Thank you for everything you've taught me. You're the most incredible woman I've ever met, and that's not an exaggeration. I hope that one day you'll see yourself for who you truly are, because you deserve that much. Please, don't forget me, or our adventures together. I got you this so that you won't." He handed me a thick sealed envelope. "Don't open it until I'm gone, but I hope it helps you with this whole situation. Also, keep hanging out with our friends, but make new ones. People want to get to know you, so let them. Let people in. It's okay to do that."

Tears were uncontrollably falling now, and I made no attempt to stop them. He was seeing all of me in this moment, and I was allowing him to. It was okay. "I love you too. You know I'm not good with this whole expressing things stuff, but you're more than I could've ever imagined. Thank you for showing me a whole new world that I never imagined I'd be a part of."

We both hugged then, engulfing each other in something that neither of us wanted to end, but we both knew he was going to get on that plane. He was going to go, and I was going to stay. We wouldn't be together, but it was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay. 

"I love you, and I'll never forget any of it. I promise." He was crying too now, but nonetheless we kept looking at each other like each was the most enthralling thing either of us had seen. 

"Me neither. Now go and be great, in the greatest city there is." I hugged him one last time and almost leaned in for a kiss, until I realized we were around both of our families and kissed before the make up for that.

"I'll call you when I land."

"I'll be waiting." 

"Goodbye."

And then he turned and walked toward the now almost-empty gate. A few stragglers were still left to board, but things were starting to get quiet in a rather busy place. 

"And Cole," I called after him, "be yourself."

At that moment, he started to sprint back to me in full pace. When he reached me, both of his hands reached around my neck and pulled me into one last, slow kiss. His mouth felt familiar, and his body against mine gave me tingles. Tears were running down my face, but  didn't care. This was the moment and I was living in it.

Just as abruptly as it started, the moment ended and we broke apart. Our foreheads touched as he said "You too, Not-Andy." 

With that, he turned and walked away once more, giving me one last smile as his boarding pass was checked. Then he was gone, but the feeling of his lips against mine wasn't.

The feeling stayed during the whole ride home. I opened the envelope as soon as I got in the car, which held all the photos he has pasted on the walls of the school. I went through each one and replayed our whole relationship from the beginning. 

Him watching my dance in the cafeteria, to our first conversation in which I had no interest in having another. We went to the club, where I gave him his first glimpse into what had actually happened to me in my past. Going to the trains to watch the stars, which was also the day I first met Gracie and Grandma. The Rocky Horror Picture Show with our friends. Tricking him by almost kissing his lips. I almost did close the gap that night, but eventually we did after many months of anticipation. A wonderful Christmas with both of our families. Our New York Trip, where we said the L word for the first time. Our first date. Him seeing his mom after five years. Our last hang out with our friends. Our second and last date. Saying goodbye in the airport.

Being alone in the passenger seat of Dawn's car.

It was dark on the ride home, but I could still see the trees budding with spring life underneath the moonlight. Lawns were well taken care of, grass was green, gardens were beautiful. Everything was still the same, but it was all different, and I knew it would never be quite the same. 

Yet it was going to be okay. There was phones and technology that would allow us to continue our friendship. We could catch each other up on our lives and everything within them, but nothing would ever replace the time we spent together. We could live our separate lives, but we would always have the memories we made within our 11th year of high school. He had taught me and I taught him. My life would never be the same, and that was for the better. I hoped he felt the same way.

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