Illicit

Complicated

[Author's Note]: Thank you for the votes and comments

Nick and I hadn't said much to each other since Thursday night when talking warped into a fight.

Nick knew about Vain but he was waiting for me to confess. I wanted to tell him badly but every time I tried he gave me this look and I couldn't.

I had to tell him soon. I'll tell him tonight. I'll tell him tonight. I repeated trying to con myself into being brave.

Walter and Jay had to attend some promotional party for the company Walter worked for so we rescheduled our plans for later in the week.

Earlier that day, I worked out for about an hour at the gym where I finally saw Crispin. I apologized for putting him in the middle of my drama. He accepted my apology but I could tell he was still upset which made me feel awful.

I promised myself that I would stay away from Vain for a while and I had. I hadn't seen him since Thursday night and it was Saturday. I wanted to see him before he left for L.A.. Today was my last chance.

I told myself that ending this was a good thing. Vain had way too much control over me. I wasn't myself when we were together. I felt like I had to bring my A game.

Everything had to be perfect. I had to be this beacon of perfection because his perfection intimidated me. We spent more time together this passed week than Nick and I have in a long time, but I didn't feel as comfortable with Vain as I should have.

I felt like I was performing a one woman show in order to impress him. It was petty to think that way and I knew it, but I couldn't stop.

Vain got a lot of action and I was aware of that. What happened at the club the other day with Blythe only fueled my erratic behavior. Seeing the woman he preferred before me was intimidating. I needed to somehow set myself apart from the others. The only way I knew how to achieve that goal was to be perfect, or pretend to be.

In the past week and a half, I went to my stylist twice as much as usual. I visited the spa more often for bikini and skin treatment because I wanted my skin supple and hairless.

I shopped more often because I always felt like I needed something new to complete my ensemble, whether that was more lingerie or a new pair of shorts. I've never behaved more high maintenance than I did with Vain.

It was hard to see clearly beyond the sex haze I was in. Being with Vain was like being high on life.
Everything Felt better.
Tasted better.

I didn't know how I felt about him? Sometimes it felt like infatuation and other times it felt like an addiction.

Did I care about him at all or was all this emotion just lust masquerading as love?

It was difficult to admit it but I was high on this illicit drug better known as Patrick Vain Reynard.

I stood at his door dressed in a short, flowing black skirt, a printed bustier and sling backs. My hair hung down my back in long cinnamon brown strands.

When he eventually opened the door my heart paused for a split second as his flawlessness caught my gaze before beating like a goddamn drum.

He looked ravishing in a pair of white boxers. He wore an indecipherable expression but his eyes were burning with lust. Of course, he wore no shirt but I loved to see him naked.

My eyes were free to wander over his tattooed skin and the veins protruding from his lower abdomen. His boxers were hanging low on his hips causing my excitement to sprout wildly. I couldn't understand why I found his bulging veins so sexy except that I saw them as evidence of his masculinity or flaring temper both of which I found sexy.