HIM // wolfstar

21 when we both confessed

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Beautiful boy.

I was freaking out about yesterday. Sirius had blushed when I complimented his drawing. And he looked so cute. I hadn't ever made anyone blush before. My heart was exploding. 

Even though Angeline had told me he fancied me, I hadn't allowed myself to think about it. After all, he could have gotten over it or changed his mind. Or his feelings had died that day in the library.

But now... maybe there was hope.

I promised to see him again today, so I was reliving bus-related anxiety. But it was worth it knowing I would see him at the end of it. My thoughts quickly drifted towards Sirius. I wondered if he had read the book and if he even liked it.

The girl at the book store had told it came out today, maybe I could go over and buy one for myself. That could give us something to talk about.

With a smile on my lips, I exited the bus and walked over to the book store. The bell rang as I entered and the girl from yesterday smiled at me. I breathed slowly. Book stores and libraries were the best places in the world.

"Did your friend like the book?"

I nodded. "Yes. And thank you for selling it to me."

She smiled brightly. "No problem at all."

I walked to the YA-section where the book was displayed and picked a copy before walking to the counter. She raised her eyebrow at me. I flushed under her gaze.

"I want one for myself too," I explained.

She beeped the book. "So this book, are you...?"

The book was about two boys falling in love. I stared at her a few moments, trying to figure out if I should tell the truth or lie. Though just then, my eye caught a pin on her denim jacket.

She/her.

"Bi," I said.

She smiled wider. "Pan."

My heart beat a little faster. I hadn't met anyone Queer, besides Sirius, in real life. It felt... nice. We stared at each other for a few moments. I wondered if I should say anything else or if we would just part ways. 

"So your... friend, is he your boyfriend?"

My face turned red. Sirius Black is my boyfriend. Kinda had a nice ring to it. I wished I could say it. "Er, no, but you know. I'm kinda hoping."

She nodded slowly, there was a hint of disappointment in her eyes. Though she flashed me a smile. "Well, I hope he'll get better soon, and that it works out between you."

"Thank you."

I payed for the book and left the store, then quickly checked the time on my phone to make sure I wasn't late. There was plenty of time, yet I still hurried towards the hospital. The wind was strong and slowly images of me as a knight in shining armor who had to face many obstacles to save the prince popped into my head.

I began reading the book in the waiting area, but I couldn't concentrate. Once again, Sirius took up all my thoughts. I practically jumped when I spotted Angeline and we quickly walked towards the lift.

"He's happy for the book you gave him."

"I'm glad," I said, feeling warm inside. The lift opened and we walked in silence a few minutes. "How about eating? Is it going better for him?"

Angeline waited a few moments before speaking. "It takes time. It's more than just about food for him. Some people stop eating because when they can't control anything, they take control of the things they can. Whether or not to eat is one of them."

She glanced at me.

"I don't want you to talk with him about it. He already sees some of the other staff as the 'enemy' because again, they take away his control, and I don't want him to think of you like that... okay?"

"Okay. Of course."

Just then she opened the door. Sirius was sitting on the bed, reading the book I had given him. God, he was cute. Angeline greeted quickly, then left the room.

He put the book away on the nightstand. "Hi."

"Hello. Is the book good?"

"Yeah, it's great. I have..." he trailed off, staring at his desk. I glanced at it too, but couldn't see anything else but a big mess. Sirius looked at me quickly, before leaving the bed and picking out a piece of paper from the desk and began walking towards me. Slowly, but not hesitant.

Sirius stood as far from me as he could, extending his arm . I reached out and took the paper, admiring it. Sirius walked back to the bed.

"I... I made this as a thank you for the book."

It was a drawing. Sirius had made me a drawing. It was a wolf in a forest, which had jumped to catch a ball in it's mouth. I was shocked for a moment of how good it looked. The lighting and shadows were amazing.

"Wow." I didn't know what else to say. Partly because I couldn't believe he wanted to make something like that for me. "I didn't know you were this good. Thank you. It's marvellous. I'll frame it when I get home." I glanced at it one last time before carefully putting it in my bag.

I didn't miss the way he smiled slightly.

"So... are you thinking of having a birthday party on Saturday?"

He shook his head. "I don't like parties."

"What about a birthday celebration? A birthday non-party."

"There isn't going to be a party." Sirius suddenly sounded very sad.

"If you don't mind me asking... why?" My heart was beating fast. Though I hoped asking this way wouldn't make him feel like I forced him to answer. 

Sirius stared at me for a long time. His expression was unreadable. Finally he looked away, instead staring at his hands as he drew circles. "It's not like I don't want a part, it just... I don't have any... I can't invite anyone, and if there isn't anyone, it's not a party."

I relaxed, glad that he didn't mind my question. "There doesn't need to be a whole lot of people for there to be a party. Just some balloons and cake. It can be the two of us and Angeline if you want, or you could invite James and Peter — they would love that."

Sirius had been nodding along till I mentioned James and Peter. He shook his head quickly. "No— I mean... I would like to. But I just. I can't."

I nodded. "Okay. Then just me, you and Angeline? Some cake and balloons?"

"Yeah, er, Angeline can bring a cake I think. And the staff have birthday decorations," he was biting his lips. "But I don't need a party—"

"Well, yeah, but it's still fun having a party and being celebrated."

Sirius glanced at his hands, bending his fingers and drawing circles on his skin. He sighed then took a deep breath. "That's not what I meant, I— I know you're only here because Angeline asked, and I don't want you to feel like you have to be here."

"I come because I want, and because I care about you. Because you're an amazing person and a nice friend. I like being around you. Yes, Angeline was the one who got me here, but I'm only staying because I want," I said truthfully. "But if it's because you don't want me here—"

"No, I... I like that you come, you're a good friend too." Sirius smiled shyly.

I wondered if my heart rate would ever go back to normal after this.

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That was it of this chapter, hope you enjoyed